I Hate Him, Specifically

Being married is work, I know that and have worked my *** off for 14 years to try to have a happy marriage, and a normal happy family for my kids, but he just will not let that happen. He tells me I am stupid and an idiot on almost a daily basis, even though I am sure enough of myself to know that is not true.  Is his attitude a product of my being college educated and him never finishing high school?  Maybe.  Is it because he has a limp ****?  Maybe. Is it because he was abused as a child? Maybe. But what I do know for sure is that he is just like his dad.  I used to feel so sorry for his step mom, and frankly, used to feel sorry for myself for making such a stupid decision to be with this man who I have no love for at all.  But the one thing I do not regret at all are my kids.  I love my two girls with my whole being, and their happiness and well being is the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about at night.  They deserve so much better than they get, I love the saying that children are better off being from a broken home than in one, so I am dismantling our broken home just as soon as I can.  They deserve better and I deserve better. They should see what a healthy man looks like and how a healthy man behaves. Not the raging name calling that is the core of their father.  I hate being married, wish I wasn't almost every waking moment.
Michiganmom Michiganmom
46-50, F
8 Responses Jan 22, 2008

Agree kids are most important in bad marriage too hard to know which way to go

I am a man who can relate exactly with this (your) post. 17 years in a 1 way marriage with some amazing daughters. I regret everyday not listening to my gut and yet I wouldn't give my girls up for anything. Peace~

Get out yes. Chances of you finding a healthy man without therapy the way you are, not good. Don't look for another man until you have at least 2 years of really good therapy behind you. Having a father like that has ruined your love map and ability to even recognize and be attracted to a healthy man. You wil fall in love with the "good" parts of a man that you father had, that's what you will respond to without even knowing it. It's like an aura that you have and any guy you fall for has, like magnets, you will find each other. And while you are just falling in love, he will, like all of us, only reveal the good parts because he will be feeling so good. The way to recognize this man is to ask him about his past, if he had an abusive parent, run run run. You might only see the hurt boy he once was, but you will be living the damaged man he became. And the target of his damage will be you....and it will feel oh, so familiar. I guarantee that this is the way it works.

Where there is no love there is nothing to stay for...


How are you going to encourage someone to divorce with the limited knowledge of the issues.. I hope you're never a judge in my case unless you can only hear my side of the story. What an idiot..

Get out--no excuses.<br />
You and your children deserve better. They will (at first) not like it but as time passes they will gain the proper perspective and gain respect for your decision.<br />
By making you miserable he is robbing them of the mother they could have--YOU !!<br />
The happier you are the happier they will be.<br />
Good luck.

I feel so sorry for you<br />
I hope you find happiness soon<br />
As for myself, I've given up