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Don't Love Him Or Like Him

I ASK MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHY DID I GET MARRIED?  I ALREADY HAD TWO CHILDREN WHEN WE MET, THAN HAD TWO MORE WITH HIM. PERHAPS  I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE A BETTER LIFE BEING MARRIED BUT BOY WAS I WRONG.  PERHAPS I'M STAYING BECAUSE OF THE CHILDREN AND I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY TO START OVER AGAIN. PERHAPS THIS IS MY LOT IN LIFE BEING MARRIED TO SOMEONE SO BORING WITH NO EXCITEMENT AT ALL.  I FEEL LIKE I'M LIVING WITH A ROOMMATE THAT COMES AND GOES.  WE HAVEN'T BEEN HAVING SEX AND I DON'T MISS IT EITHER.  I WANT TO THROW UP WHEN HE TRIES TO KISS ME THE SMELL OF HIS BREATH MAKES ME SICK.  I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE WITH HIM AND AT TIMES I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT HIS FACE.  I GET REALLY DEPRESSED AND WONDER THERE HAS TO BE MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS.  MOST DAYS I JUST SIT HOME WHILE THE KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL WONDERING WHEN THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE.  I NO LONGER ENJOY DOING THE THINGS I USED TO DO BECAUSE I FEEL THIS LIFE HAS BEEN SUCKED OUT OF ME BECAUSE OF MY UNHAPPY MARRIAGE.   I'M JUST NOT FEELING HIM AT ALL AND WHEN HE COMES HOME FROM WORK I JUST TURN MY HEAD OR HALF SPEAK AND LIVE IN THIS CYCLE DAY AFTER DAY. 

nikkisall nikkisall 31-35 5 Responses Apr 11, 2011

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I am feeling the exact way right now as you have explained it down to the very last line :( I had already experienced marriage and have a beautiful girl from it but it was not a good experience. For the next 13 years I told myself I would never do it again because I not only lived it but I kept reliving it with my friends and family members and their experiences in marriage I still wanted nothing to do with it. Later I thought well I don't want to grow old alone so I prayed for a good man unfortunately I didn't pray for a funny , spontaneous, athletic, exciting good man so I got stuck with a good for nothing mamas boy with a cheating background who likes to sit and play video games when he's home and grow a gut in front of the TV good man :( I now have another amazing blessing in my life :) my little girl precious to my heart and I've been thinking its time to move on but because of her I stay but I also feel that we would all be much happier if we weren't under one roof. I want to smile again and continue to smile and not smile, look at my husband and cry right after :( I never should have gotten married again.

I feel the exact same way...i go with the flow...i dont hate him i just am not in love with him and never was..i stay because i know my kids have a better chance of making something of theirselves with us together..i have left and although i was happy,he gave up,and that made my daughter hate me...so im here im not depressed anymore..i found out i was bipolar and am on medication that really works...anyway i feel you

Bipolar can give you a bad time, but those meds make a huge difference. The big problem is to keep remembering to KEEP taking them when you're feeling on a high and wonder why you're wasting time taking them.

You sound so depressed and I know because it's how I feel and I am depressed.

Depression can be such an ugly thing, but it comes from so many reasons. At times others can help, like to talk?

Thanks for you outreach. I am actually much better, but that letter sounded so familiar.

I feel your pain. I too have 4 kids and he is the sole breadwinner. I berate myself constantly for being so stupid as to marry this man. I say, pretend you are single, like the poster before me said. It is easier logistically than to divorce. Be discreet and get on with things. But, ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!

Ouch! This is a tricky situation.<br />
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Let's see, you're a young girl, the prime of your life still ahead of you, four children, and a husband who seems to revolt in you. There's not too much to work on. It's good that you have your children and that you love them. Looking after them must be a pretty full job in itself.<br />
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The first line is to see if you can make anything of your marriage. Do you think it's possible to try to salvage it?<br />
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If so, may I start by asking a few questions. How much does foul breath contribute to how you feel? It sounds important, can you encourage him to see a dentist? If he sorts his breath out, will this change things much?<br />
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You say you never loved him, yet have had two children with him. Think back to before you were married, did you really never feel anything for him? There must have been something about him that attracted you.<br />
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You say he's so boring, just a thought, it sounds like he could be lethagic. How is his health aside from what causes his bad breath? There is only one true aphrodisiac that works on men and women - health! Everything that improves our health increases our sexuality - sex is like our health 'barameter'.<br />
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The way forward here means having a medical to make sure all's ok, then good eating, get de-wormed, little to no booze, no cigarettes, or pill-popping, etc., reasonable exercise, having your weight in check. I'm looking at long-term rebuilding life.<br />
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If you've lost interested in trying to sort your marriage, or believe it's utterly impossible, then I can see only two options, pretend you're single and get on with your life, or get a divorce.<br />
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I hope some of this helps. Please feel free to share more.