Im Over It

I have been married for almost 15 years...and i hate it i dont hate him we are just so different he is 13 years older,i thought i was doing the right thing i got preg at 16 and wanted a better life for my kids than i had growing up with 2 alcoholics...he made me feel safe,i know realize i should have not married someonei wasnt attracted to,because i thino about cheating all the time..but i stay because i know my kids have alot better chance with him than without him...i have left before.but the only place i have to go is to my moms..not a good place for kids...so i have pretty much decided to put my life on hold until my kids get into college..my daughter goes in may and i have 4 more years befote my son goes..i love my kids and sonetimes i think i am showing them that happiness doesnt matter.i left last year ans stayed with mom and told my kids i would get my own place and we would share custody..then i got laid off of my job..i was happy but my daughter hated me for leaving her dad..because he pretty much gave up and said he didnt want to go on without me...sooo i came back...im not happy but my kids are well taken care of...i was depressed for as long as i can remenber until a few weeks ago i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder..and am on a awsone medication..but now that im not depressed its hard to stay because i want to be happy...i dont know what to do?????