Wish I Wasnt Me

hey don't beat yourself up. join an activity group or something so you can bond over an activity and start from there.. some of us have to start small socially and that's okay. i'm a 21 year old female thinking of taking up combat sports .. i was in a single sexed school for sometime.. i went to a boarding school in a different country but even before that, growing up ive always been a kind of loner person.. i mean, i handle things quite well socially (though not consistently) but no one ever knows the inner world and i always find myself needing to retreat.. id like to believe as a person i try my best but im my own worst critic (which incidentally no one knows) and a lot of things i do get interpreted wrongly. i need a lot of patience and encouragement but i come from a culture that rewards extrinsically motivated behaviour.. status, prestige, image, ambition, sucking it up.. i went abroad when i was 12 and since then ive always felt culturally and philosophically torn.. ive gotten to know so many different kinds of people and views that i often feel there is no hope for me to ever find a group of people i dont have to try to relate to. that i can just "be" with/around. until recently ive always wished i'd disappear into stardust particles.. leave this world behind.. ive thought this way for a few years.. find a reason to hold on.. and know that its okay to be the way you are, so long as you arent inflicting harm on others. learn to love yourself. it might take a while but find out what you really like about yourself. try hard. i promise you will find it. sometimes we are our own best company so take comfort in that.. treat yourself, find a satisfying solitary activity.. do silly things.. whatever.. this world is so so vast.. there's so much more to see..

hey don't beat yourself up. join an activity group or something so you can bond over an activity and start from there.. some of us have to start small socially and that's okay. i'm a 21 year old female thinking of taking up combat sports .. i was in a single sexed school for sometime.. i went to a boarding school in a different country but even before that, growing up ive always been a kind of loner person.. i mean, i handle things quite well socially (though not consistently) but no one ever knows the inner world and i always find myself needing to retreat.. id like to believe as a person i try my best but im my own worst critic (which incidentally no one knows) and a lot of things i do get interpreted wrongly. i need a lot of patience and encouragement but i come from a culture that rewards extrinsically motivated behaviour.. status, prestige, image, ambition, sucking it up.. i went abroad when i was 12 and since then ive always felt culturally and philosophically torn.. ive gotten to know so many different kinds of people and views that i often feel there is no hope for me to ever find a group of people i dont have to try to relate to. that i can just "be" with/around. until recently ive always wished i'd disappear into stardust particles.. leave this world behind.. ive thought this way for a few years.. find a reason to hold on.. and know that its okay to be the way you are, so long as you arent inflicting harm on others. learn to love yourself. it might take a while but find out what you really like about yourself. try hard. i promise you will find it. sometimes we are our own best company so take comfort in that.. treat yourself, find a satisfying solitary activity.. do silly things.. whatever.. this world is so so vast.. there's so much more to see..

I do realate with you,i came on this site because i felt very much alone and unhappy but i know people feel as desperate as i do, it makes me feel much better. it does feel like life has handed you a joker, lifes a ******

First of all you deserve a pat. For trying to comeout of depression. We are all there to stand with you in tough times. Please count on me for future friendship.

I don't know about everyone liking you but I sure do and I am glad that you are you.