I Really Just Wanted A Puppy

I always wanted kids in this abstract way, like "someday." But once I got married and it was upon me I wasn't sure I wanted them at all. I have never been one of those people who just LOVES kids that much, not sure I have the patience. And I definitely don't like babies. I like my nephews who are toddlers, but when we're visiting them I get tired after a few hours and want to hang w/ the adults.

At some point it was like I had to decide what to do... and my wonderful husband will dump me if I don't want kids. So here I am, 36 and knocked up. I do not actively HATE being pregnant, but I'd definitely rather not be. And I feel guilty that I had no problem getting pregnant and that my pregnancy has been textbook and pretty problem free, when I have friends who are trying all kinds of means to get pregnant or stay pregnant and having such a hard time. I was hoping we wouldn't be able to, but wouldn'tcha know, I'm one fertile Mertyl.

I am terrified. I feel like my life will be over. I also worry about money, about being poor. We live in an expensive city and I have finally gotten to where I can afford a nice life. That goes out the window. We bought a house in a less desireable part of town and are now racing to gut it, make it live-able before the baby gets here. I blame the baby for us having to move from our awesome neighborhood and for all the expenses we will incur and for how much it will change my life and take away my freedom.

I really just wanted a dog. feel so screweddddd. Thank God my husband is wonderful and patient and will help me more than his fair share.
mimosa626 mimosa626
2 Responses Aug 10, 2010

I don't think you're being a selfish ***** at all.
Maybe this poster liked achieving more things in life than just the standard popping out a baby. Just because society tells us to, doesn't mean every woman automatically strives to be a parent before and above all. I'm not planning on having kids for years, because like you, I have the foresight to understand that once I do have a child, a lot of the freedoms and fluidity I currently enjoy in life will be closed to me forever.
Also just because she's resenting being pregnant and the downsizing she's having to do with her life, does not mean that she's just going to treat her child with less love.

I truly feel you are being a selfish *****. That baby may one day realize how hated it was and be very devestated one day. Shame on you.