Can't I Hire a Surrogate???

January, 2008. My husband and I were taking a stroll around the neighborhood, my 2 year old on his bike just a little ways ahead. We were enjoying Florida's version of a winter evening, in our tank tops and shorts. Drunk from the gorge us night sky and warm feelings of family (not to mention a lovely glass of wine), I turn to my husband and say, Let's have another one."  He grinned and said, "I've been waiting on you-YOUR the one who has the job to consider-your dream job."    So, we started tracking my cycle and decided that we would wait until after April 9th, when my twin would come down and we'd celebrate our 33rd birthday.  April 19th, we conceive.

Ah, the proud parents of a little bean. We were so excited! I was going to continue running and make sure I kept myself in great shape this time around. In fact, I even ran a 5k race at 5 weeks! I was not fond of the nausea that took over from weeks 5-13 though. (Reason 1 to hate pregnancy) I was also unable to enjoy that after-work glass of wine I enjoyed so much. (Reason 2)

At 9 weeks, coming back from a Tennessee wedding, I felt a very tired and some slight pain. A little after midnight I woke up wet, ran to the bathroom thinking I had urinated while sleeping and as I sat on the toilet, I gushed blood.  I yelled and my husband came in, turned on the light and stood there in shock.  Splattered all over the toilet and on the floor and all over my hand was blood. It was all over-like someone had thrown a bucket of red paint.  He left momentarily. (Later I learned it was because he had stepped out into the hallway to gag and try to get himself under control. )  We were so upset. We understood that this meant we had lost our bean.  We mindlessly tried to wipe up the bathroom, neither of us wanting to do the inevitable, flush the toilet.  Eventually, I remembered to call the doctor. After a blur of events, we found out the next day from the ultra sound that little bean was still there. We had a hemorrhage but all was OK. I was forbidden to run or have sex until it healed. (Reason 3 and 4 to hate pregnancy.)

I went back to work and had to keep sneaking home for lunch to take a nap. I have never been so exhausted in my life. I am a go-go-go type A. I didn't know what tired was-until then. (Reason 5 to hate pregnancy).

The pregnancy continued-as pregnancies tend to do, and we looked forward to the 19 week ultra sound to show us our little girl. The day arrived. In celebration, I ate sushi (avocado-no fish..Reason 6) with extra wasabi.  Lying there on the u/s table I was so excited. I was gonna have a little cheerleader and she'd wear lotsa pink and we'd play dress up and girly make-up and...and...

"You're having a boy!"


Eh, what??? Are you sure?? "Yep, (pointing at the obvious on the screen) there's no denying that!"

I must admit, it took me at least two minutes to come to terms with blue instead of pink. I barely listened as the tech chatted on, pointing out arms and legs and head....When I finally brought myself back, it was time for the internal u/s.  Afterward she chattily stated she wanted the doc to have a look at the pics. Alarm bells went off. That didn't sound right. I stopped her and asked why. I learned that my cervix had shortened alarmingly and that I would need to go to the hospital. Not wanting to deal with the cost of hospitals unnecessarily (reason 7) I fought it. I fought 3 different nurses on this-the last one looking a me like I had 2 heads. Finally, they got me to realize how dire the situation was. So off I went. Waiting in the hospital lobby no one had called in the order for my cerclage surgery. I had to wait 2 hours for someone to finally make the call. (Reason 8). When they finally did, I was whisked in, thrown upside down, and had a cerclage put in to keep my cervix from thinning more. Then I was put on mandatory bed rest. (Reasons 9-1000)

I had my dream job. I was taken from it. I was taken from my clients.  I was taken from my office with ceiling-to-floor window and my awesome co-workers. I was taken from my independence. I was taken from picking up my son from school or from attending college myself (back in to change careers). I was no longer able to take trips to the grocery store (I actually love my grocery trips-I throw my son in the front basket, turn it around backwards, and let him "drive." People look at me crazy-like. I know it's just because they are jealous they didn't think of it themselves! Haha..)

 I was reduced to a useless blob of flesh residing on the bed and couch.  I was unable to earn income or even clean the house. I stressed over finances and insurance. FMLA was 12 weeks long (unpaid of course) and my mandatory bed rest was for 15 weeks minimum. I was going to lose my dream job. I worried about losing medical insurance. I worried about losing our house. Husband doesn't deal with finances so didn't worry. He also wasn't the greatest on cleaning.  I was all alone.  

Being on bed rest provides lots of fuel for hurt feelings, bitterness, stress, inadequacy, unfairness, and major blow out fights.  It *is not* fun to sit around all day as stupid people like to think. (I say stupid because they all think they are being funny when they tell you to sit there, eat bon bons, and enjoy it because you won't be able to when the baby comes..." Those are the same stupid people that don't realize the energy, stamina, and muscle loss that comes with bed rest. ) I have had to see a number of different OB/GYNs and even a perinatologist with a staff of minimum wage idiots that I would be embarassed to have on my payroll. I have cried over loss stories and Googled just about anything there is to learn on pregnancy and cervical incompetence.  I live on the computer and my only connnection to the outside world during the day is online news and yahoo answers.

Eventually, I resigned myself to my fate. I fought it for 9 weeks. I was told two weeks ago that my department was being eliminated. (good bye dream job) They are going to find me something else. (FMLA rules). BUT, if I do not return by Nov. 20th, I will be jobless (I will be 33 weeks then). Doctor says he will not let me off bed rest a week early.

I hate bed rest. The only good that has come from it is that I realized that my calling is in the medical field instead of corporate.  (I mean, when you have seen the doctor's office and hospital as much as I have during this pregnancy, you get a REAL good idea if its something you are interested in...)

I will be off bed rest in a few weeks. The job market sucks. I am jobless during Christmas. And I hope I can gain temp employment at a temp agency.

Currently at 30 weeks, I have heart burn, stretchmarks that will never let me see a bikini again,  a belly that cannot stretch anymore, a boy bean that uses my cervix and bladder as a trampoline-especially at night when I am wanting to sleep-a waddle that Porky Pig would envy, an ability to eat no more than a grape at a time without feeling like I am going to pop, lower back pain, dry wrinkly dull pale skin, long fabulous rats nest hair, loss of muscle tone, loss of self, boredom, anxiety, difficulty breathing,  no wine,  scared to lose the baby and a fear of the future.  I have seen 11:30, 12:30, 1:30, and      2:30am wide awake more than I ever thought possible. We haven't even been shopping for baby boy yet.

So, this is my story. I do not know how it ends. Hopefully, good. Due date is January 10th. C-section is scheduled for a week prior. I am hoping to have the baby this year. I honestly don't want to pay another deductible for insurance. It would also be nice to have him as a tax deduction.  My main concer this pregnancy has been financial. Secondly was baby bean.  Thirdly was future.

I hate being pregnant. I told my husband that if he wants that daughter, we would hire a surrogate or adopt.  He's interested in the surrogate-haha...



morva9 morva9
3 Responses Nov 2, 2008

Wow. You win. Not that its something to win. But thank you. I will stop complaining now. I hope that karma pays you back in spades!!! Here's to finding you new dream job, a fast healing body and and awesome baby boy! If your husband ever complains or ask for a girl i will personally beat him up.

I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I'm 22 and have recently felt the calling to be a surrogate. Only problem is, I've never had a baby. Apparently for every agency I've checked out, that means I cannot be a surrogate. That kind of irritates me because I feel that there are so many people out there who need to grow their families and are unable to. And with so few women being willing to surrogate, I would love to help..<br />
I don't plan on having my own children until I am in my early 30's but until then I wish I could help other people start their own family. Hopefully I will find some way to help.

I really have to agree with you. This is my second pregnancy. First one was a m/c very early on and all i can say is i don't feel to great. It really is bothering me daily you know because i can't find the energy to do things that are normal like work, clean etc. I really have made up my mind that I will not be doing this again unless it is adopted or surrogate. My body can't handle this another time.