Why Is This So Miserable?

 I thought I would love getting pregnant. I am married to a wonderful guy, I finished college, and have a job I love. I always wanted to have kids - several of them - and having waited, was ready to get started on our family.

  Reality sets in. Pregnancy reeks. My family is full of auto-immune diseases that seem to be programmed into the genetic code. Which means that without thinking about it, I have pretty much damned my child to the same pain and problem areas that I have. I am in my 16th week, and already cursing myself for what I have done. I am sore, tired, sick, and losing weight rapidly. There is no happiness anywhere in this pregnancy for me.

  My husband completely misses the point most of the time. I needed comforting after the latest round of bad news about tests, so he laid on top of me, and poked my stomach with his finger. Really helped me out, can't you tell? 

  I always wanted a large family, but getting through the next 24 weeks seems impossible. I don't know that I will ever want to have another child after this. Why don't women tell you about this stuff beforehand? I don't want to hear how it is all normal and I should calm down until it passes. I want to hear how they hated it as much as I did, so I don't feel guilty to the point of hating my future child( we call it the parasite) because of what I am going through.

  Thank god I found this group, it might possibly be the only things that saves my sanity.

caoineadh caoineadh
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2009

I had a lot of pressure from my husband's family to get pregnant, especially from the women, who act as though one is not human or fulfilled until they're propagated the species. Of course, for the most part, these women are uneducated and have been raised for a single purpose only - breeding, and with impunity, at that! Now that I am pregnant and having a very tough time, wouldn't you know it, these same women are saying that they hated being pregnant, etc. You can never believe 100% of what anyone says. Just remember that if you ever think of telling anyone they "should" get pregnant.

Amen to that!

i have had a lot of the same feelings as you. heres to hoping it gets better on the other side right?