I am 38 weeks +3 days now. This whole pregnancy pretty much has beena nightmare come true. I never wanted another child. I sure as hell do not want to experience labor again but at this point I am so insanely misserable with pain that id rther just go through it and get it over with. This pregnancy was an accident. And before you go pointing fingers and blaming me for having sex you should know how I got pregnant and why. I had pitty sex with my boyfriend. I am not even sure if id call it that. We are not in love and all we do is fight, we had not had sex for months because I can barely stand him and I was so tired from working 13 hr shifts and taking care of my two year old. So I had sex with him because all he did was nag about it and he is angry all the time. Did it fix anything ? No. Do I regret it every day ? YES. I hate feeling this way. I should love my unborn daughter but it's so hard when I AM IN THIS MUCH PAIN EVERY DAY...

I started having heart problems when I got pregnant again. I have what is called PVC's now. My heart stops and then pounds really hard when its starting back up and it does this over and over. I feel like I am dying. The doc says nothing can be done and its because of the stress of the pregnancy on my already damaged heart from first preg when I had to be on blood pressure meds due to preeclampsia. I have a plethora of other pains that go along with this. My hip pain is so horrible that I have to beg my boyfriend to rub me every morning and night. Since all I can do at this point is sit on the couch while my toddler destroys my apartment my asss is killing me. Its so bad that I want to cry. Now today nausea has started and I thought that was over in the first trimester...nope just add to the missery pile heaped upon me.

Did I mention the weight gain has me feeling disgusted and horribly depressed? I tried my best not to gain much this time around, I held an active gym membership until that ran out at 7 months pregnant. I was still trying to lose weight from my first pregnancy when I got pregnant again.. I had 15 pounds left to lose I had worked hard and lost nearly 70 pounds!!!! I gained so much with my son because of pre-e, 80 pounds in fact. So here I am gained 30 pounds this time. I have also had the pleasure of being gluten free this whole time :/ watching my stupid boyfriend eat all the donuts,pizza and sandwiches that I can't have and crave so badly has made me rather bitchy too. One day I slipped and had a cookie. God forbid. I had violent diahreah for 10 days and was ******** myself in bed every ten minutes and had to be admitted to the hospital. One cookie just one!!!

At this point I feel almost suicidal. There is nothing I hate more than answering stupid pregnancy questions. When I tell people how I really feel, they have a really negative reaction like I am some horrible person. If I hear one more person say " it's almost over,hang on" I think I might snap and lose my freakin mind on them. I had to get this all oout it is crushing my soul. I am honestly afraid that I will not care about this baby at all. Id never do adoption...Id never give her up because I know id regret it but I just wish that things would get easier on me because I can't live this life anymore.

To all you glowing moms who barely gain ten pounds, hve easy pregnancy and easy delivery,baby showers ,finacial help and support from your families ...oh and you actually have parents and siblings to help you with your screaming brats. You can just go to hell. Seriously.
dollhex dollhex
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 30, 2014

You sounded like me when I was pregnant. How have things changed since having her or him?

You had pre-eclampsia and a rapey boyfriend and a toddler and 13 hr shifts?

Oh you poor thing. I know what you mean about all those "normal" pregnant woman with the glow. I had a difficult pregnancy with back surgery at week 15, then hyperemesis, and also like you I have a heart condition that normally without being pregnant causes me to faint. With all that jumbo-ed package, I felt like life wasn't worth living. Stupid people comparing their pregnancy with mine and telling me that I'll forget it once I have the baby, I wished them hell. I had my baby a little over two weeks ago and I do love him with all my heart, I thought I would have absolutely no attachment to the baby but strangely it kicks in. Months of depression and anxiety still takes over sometimes but we're surviving. I hope things do get better for you. Positive thoughts your way. :)

Me and my wife are looking for someone who wants to give up baby