My "short" Experience:

"My short experience:

 I title this experience my 'short' experience with that term in commas
because it seems like an eternity. I have suffered this nightmare
 since about 17 when it dawned on me I wasn't gonna grow no more. As I
 thought that I remember this hot horrible flush came up all over me. I
 had always wanted to be (and others expected me to be) a 6 footer, but I
 just made 5' 6 and 3/4 (which I know and am sorry to others shorter than this may seem tall from say a 5 ' 1, 2 place. But we all share a feeling of dissatisfaction dont we?). What made my hell even worse was a spurt of
 'growth' when 19 but it wasn't heigght (which I had been praying for)
 but HEAD growth!!!

 This added to me hell because now I wasn't just short but
 disporportionate--grotesque) which even accentuated my shortness. So for example I
 could stand next to some guy who is same hieght as me, and even 5' 6 but
 because their head is smaller and in more proportion they will look
 taller!

 I have been stared at, ostracized, had very hurtful comments about my
 appeareance, been bullied, and laughed at (gettin luaghed at is the WORST and seriously affects me deeply), and I have a LONG history of
 this and these memories take away any confidence you might be able to
 cling to.

 I have been to person centered counsellors and usually they listen but
 blame me for being under confident--so NOW not only are you ashamed of
 your physical appearance but of your inability to COPE with it and the
 abuse you get off others, and also they question your take on reality and being able to discern when people are actually abusing you. So this implication further undermines your confidence as an adult. Ie., you get blamed for feeling ****. 
Their 'help' offered, and which is VERY pushed on you (as much as drugs if you go to the doc or shrink) is cognitive psychology, and meditation where you are to 'focus on
 breath'. I rather though go by how I feel how I do and
 that is ME. When it comes down to it, many people have no clue what I am going through.


 I remmmber when I was a boy--I actually had shot up quite early to over
 5' 5 (or maybe even my final height cant remember. And was tallest of
 many of the late devlopers in my class at school, and even tho i hated school i
 still felt very free---going swimming, dancing, just being ALIVE---so I can
 compare THAT very brief period of my life with what cruel fate had in store for me. 
I have learnt to distrust people. I have had 'friends' suddenyl blurt out luaghing at me when I have been trying to chill out with them. Such abuse like that makes it really hard to trust people. 
I cannot take my shoes off with people because they would show my real height. So this all makes for a real drag being with people. A hellish experience of fear.

I would like people who have been to this group and will do to please connect together? I am willing. I have no sweet words of comfort--as you may have guessed. I have gone through may phaes through this ORDEAL--of denial, mostly fueled with drugs and other forms of escape that have ruined my health, and trying to compensate with spiritual aspirations. But I feel that in order to errrm be real, you have to be real with yourself and others. otherwise it's easy to fall into a charade, create a facade which hides what you feel---which may be real sadness. I know that with others who also know about this problem (i LOVE the title of this group because it doesn't pretend) IF we can get to know each other, we can get real instead of putting on a mask as we usually do with others when often we're dying inside. Desperate.

my experience has been a lot of people treating me in a very patronizing way--like I am a kid. Also getting yawned at (I have mentioned laufghed at!)--and all this drains your confidence so you become more and more shy and disempowered. I want people that I can be real with.

Peace

 Peace

flukedup flukedup
56-60, M
2 Responses Aug 1, 2010

Hi Hammonddog, Yes your right. It is good when people realize that instead of trying to make out your to blame or your imagining it when people are putting you donw in the many ways they can, even with a dirty look, or not making eye contact, etc.<br />
As well as vocal abuse thers much body language they can do to make you feel crap, and we aren't allowed to mention it.<br />
I think the worst humiliation was with friends when suddenly they let out a held in laugh and when i looked they were all looking at me. I felt SO humiliated I couldn't even ask what they were laughing at because I knew. This happened twice by the same 'friends' and its made me feel I can never trust friends again. I hope those responsible get humiliated three times over like they did me!<br />
<br />
Thanks for your kind comment :)

I am really sorry to hear your story. I am short too. It is not fun. It sucks. So I totally understand. <br />
<br />
I will say this, it is about them, not about you. What type of people would be mean to another for any reason? Someone who is insecure about themselves. Someone who is not sure they are tall enough, good enough, or handsome enough. That's who. Maybe they are not short, but they have issues deeper than your height. They really do.<br />
<br />
But I am deeply sorry for your pain. Being short is a burden for sure.