My Life Of Shyness

All my life I have felt nervous, intimidated and shy around everyone outside family. It was worse when I was around guys. I never really spoke up about some things and just kept it inside me. Whenever I'm out for a walk and I see other teenagers, or anyone unfamiliar in general, I have a small panic attack and do my best to avoid the group or person at all costs. It's really sad. Whenever I meet someone new, I get intimidated and put up a defense--I start to act cold or indifferent to hide my discomfort and slight anti-socialism. And when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex--there is none. I feel intimidated by every guy I met (more so if he's attractive) and either I don't speak or I project a boring personality, which I'll admit I can have at times. Also the fact that I'm not skinny and not 'physically attractive' enough for guys. It's such a bother. I'm also stubborn and prideful, which makes some things a bit more difficult--example would be that I would never take a risk that might cause me to become embarrassed or humiliated. To me things that can cause those feelings are not worth it.

On a brighter side, I do have some good friends. It was pure luck that I somehow managed to befriend them and I happy. But out of all of them, only 2 don't intimidate me.
Clockmaker223 Clockmaker223
18-21, F
2 Responses May 22, 2012

" Whenever I'm out for a walk and I see other teenagers, or anyone unfamiliar in general, I have a small panic attack and do my best to avoid the group or person at all costs" I totally get you. One time, I saw some of my schoolmates (older than me), I panicked and tried to avoid them by immediately crossing over to the other street. I almost got run over that time. Let's just say that was not one of the things I like to think about.

You sound like the girl version of me. It sucks feeling broken. my personality has 2 sides, the loudmouthed smartass who can get along with anybody or the halfwit who can't even tell a girl his name if his security blanket isn't near. You're not boring, you just let your shyness hide the awesome part of you. Make an *** out of yourself to let go of your shyness, it's worth it, you have no idea how much harder it gets when your in your mid 20s and so on. Oh and don't let the fact you're a little meaty get you down, skinny doesn't equal cute, plenty of guys are into a real girl. I've bumped into a few girls from highschool that I thought I was too ugly for, when my shyness was way worse and have had the late night "why didn't you ask me out?' talk more times than I would've cared for.