I Hate Myself.

I am 15 years old. Freshman. I am 5'0 and 72 pounds.
I lie about my weight all the time. I am so embarrassed of it. People always ask me how much I weigh. I don't understand why they think they have the right to ask me that. You never hear someone asking a overweight person how much they weigh. People always make comments about how skinny I am and how they wish they could look like me. If they could see how much I have gone through because of how skinny I am then they will understand why I have such low self esteem. I hate the way I look. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I burst into tears. My whole family is always making fun of me for being skinny. They always say I need to eat more. Even my friends tell me things and they know how low my self-esteem is. I wish I had curves, boobs and a butt. Plus to add on to my problems I have scoliosis so I stand crooked and one of my hips go out more than the other. I hate wearing bathing suits because of my scoliosis and because you can see my bony body. I hate going shopping because nothing ever fits me. I am one of those 'emo/scene' kids so i love skinny jeans but they are so hard to find. I hate wearing shorts because you can see my extremely small ankles and bony knees. I have really long legs so that makes me look even more awkward. Some days I have told myself "if someone says something to me today I will give up". I have thought about cutting myself but no matter how much I hate myself I can't bring myself to do that. I am so jealous of all my friends because they have curves and look good in all kinds of clothes and I am over here hiding my body with big jackets and sweaters. I envy normal sized girls. I want to gain weight so badly but I can't. I would do anything to gain at least 5 pounds. That is all I have wanted for as long as I can remember. I don't know how long I can take this feeling of not being good enough.
lysaXcaptain lysaXcaptain
13-15, F
6 Responses Jan 13, 2013

Hey :( am 15 too. And just by reading your post I wanted to cry cause I feel the same way too. I have small boobs and curves but either way you put it am still skinny. I weigh 98 pounds last time I went to the clinic and am 5'6. I get teased about being skinny too most people say skinny people can't do this, they can't do that but I don't let people underestimate me. I defend myself cause no one is perfect. I sometimes cry myself cause I really want to gain weight and look as beautiful as the other girls but nothing seems to work :/ But we just have to try and look at the bright side :) because they are people out there trying to get like us and they can't cause it's too much weight to lose so don't rush cause we might want to gain weight then next thing you know we gain too much weight then it's hard to lose it!

I feel the same way :(

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please read my story?

When I was reading your description of yourself, it reminded me SO MUCH of one of my best childhood friends. She was always extremely underweight growing up, even when she ate constantly. She also suffered from scoliosis and had to wear a painful back brace. People would always make harsh comments about her appearance, usually out of jealousy, because lots of girls wanted to be as skinny as she was.

Guess where she is today? She's at a top university, happy and thriving, with tons of friends. Guys hit on her all the time and tell her that she's drop dead gorgeous (and she is). I understand where you're coming from because I'm also extremely thin and oftentimes wish I weren't. But I'm learning that there are many types of beauty that a person can possess; there isn't just one definition. There is also much, much more to a person than their appearance. Obviously appearance is important because of the way it can make you feel about yourself, but it is NEVER WORTH harming yourself over! There were tons of times I wanted to commit suicide growing up because of my looks, and looking back I'm SO GRATEFUL that I didn't. Why? Because there are so many happy, beautiful, and wonderful experiences that I would've missed! It's unfair to categorize yourself based on one small aspect of yourself. Think about what else you have to contribute to everyone. Are you a generous friend? Are you kind to people when they need it? Do you have a passion? Are you connected with your family? Are you accomplishing things in school? There is so much more that you can invest your self-worth in that will make you a much more beautiful person in the long term.

Your appearance also changes a lot when you're growing older. I'm not implying that your body type will change. Just the overall presentation. I went through a huge awkward stage when I was in middle school and high school, and the same features that made me look awkward at the time make me look more striking now. You're not done developing yet, so don't even worry about it! Growing up can be really, really hard, but it's too premature to give up now. Hang in there and learn to love yourself for what you have to offer the world.

Hi, first of all I cant promise anything, that being said, though I may not be able to help you gain a lot of weight, I'm sure I can help you look healthy, so that when you are in a bathing suit, at least you will look "normal" for your size. Everyone has their own demons and a lot of us have weight issues, one way or the other. I have a friend who had the same problem, though she is in her 50s, but the premise is the same. She was too skinny and wore two sweaters all the time. I need to know from you if you are currently doing any excercise or are willing to. What I'm going to propose to you will make you healthy, and maybe if we get you on a good workout routine, we can build some muscle and add "weight". But healthy weight, please for the love of yourself, do not go on one of those eat as many donuts as you want to diets. It will make you sick to start stuffing yourself with nasty things and other issues will arise. The first step is to realize that we all have a body type and there are many sizes that look "normal". You are beautiful even if you don't see it. I wanna give you a huge hug, there is hope, again you are beautiful and don't pay attention to what the "norms" are. You are normal for you. Now, to gain some "weight" and be healthy, go to my website and check out this link.. it's for athletes and people who are trying to gain muscle, the shakes are organic and nothing in the product is by any means a medicinal fix and no pill popping.... healthy healthy healthy, your new mantra can be that because sweetie, healthy is beautiful at whatever size..... http://athenacarroll.isagenix.com/ca/en/athletespak.html you need protein to build muscle or "weight", that's why I'm suggesting this pack, it'll give you all your vitamins, proteins and minerals to get your body moving, don't not move cause you don't want to lose any more weight, the Isalean Pro shake is going to help you the most, being full of more protein than the regular shake, and I can help you start a workout routine to get started if you want me to..... I wanna help if you'll let me