I Want To Be Married..... But Would Lik To Skip The Ceremony!!!

As a child I was painfully shy, it even said so in my school reports! Always the wallflower.... I hit 30years old and due to big changes in my life, I found a new me! I met a new man who let me be me and I was at last happy in my own skin..... 4 years later we decided to marry, happy happy days :) I am now sociable and confident, run my own business, can talk to groups of people, can walk into pubs alone.... I'm no longer shy, but I think my underlying low self-esteem issues from long ago are bubbling up again.....

 

......Now here's the bit he doesnt understand. Although I long to be his wife, want to share our special day with our closest friends and family, I am feeling so scared about the service some of my thought:

 

35 years old in a wedding dress (what is she thinking?!) plus I always wear jeans and t shirts so am out of my comfort zone.

I dont want people looking at and focussing on me ( I certainly dont want photos!!!!)

I dont want to look stupid, say some thing stupid (you get the idea!)

I will be crying the whole time through happiness and nerves = lots of snot and mess!

 

 

We get married in June 2010 and this sick feeling is starting to creep up on me.... I'm starting to say things like "I want to get married in jeans" "I wish we'd gone for registery office" "This wedding has gotten too big" (its a tiny chapel known to our family and holds 30 people max!!)

 

I do want to wear a nice dress, I do want our friends and family to share our day, I do want photos of happy memories, I do want my best friend as a matron of honour.... how do I get past the panicky feeling I can feel brewing?

 

My fiance doesnt understand these feelings of dread. I dont even want to go bridesmaid shopping because it means standing in stupid dress shops with lots of huge mirrors, looking at amazing dresses.... It was hard enough getting my dress! Cant the bridesmaid go out and shop on her own without me? I'm finding it harder to talk about my wedding day..... although I want to be married.... please let me skip the service!! A body double would be great :)

chookychick chookychick
31-35, F
Mar 14, 2010