Let's Face It. . . Literally

It makes me upset that I will never be beautiful unless I get surgery of some kind.
I have to face the facts that I will always be ugly. I am just tired of hating myself, not trying to make friends, pushing people away... I stay home a lot just because I am too ugly to go outside.

People who do not understand call me vain. That I am insecure.
I am not jealous of anyone else. . . It's just everyone looks pretty but me. I look at that girl and say "Wow, she's beautiful." I don't hate her because of it. I consider her blessed.

I've been going to the gym for the past couple of days. I am afraid when I work out because my skin looks gross when it's showing. I don't like wearing makeup because it doesn't make me any prettier.

I know that if I was beautiful, all my problems would be solved; I could love myself. I want liposuction, a breast lift... Skin rejuvenation . I wish I had money. I haven't even bought a new outfit in 2 years. I am too poor and I am trying to lose weight.

My boyfriend never wanted to hold my hand or take pictures with me. He even told me he likes to check out other girls. He was flirting with girl online too - calling her beautiful, sweet, sexy. He never called me anything like that. When I confronted him with it, it seems like he did it, but only as a chore. We broke up now. He calls me. . . Saying he wants to be with me later.

If I was pretty, I would have friends, and my boyfriend would actually love me. My family wouldn't make fun of me, and maybe I could get a job. I don't show people how much I hate myself. I act happy, and sweet.
I just know everyone thinks I am ugly, so I don't get many things out of life.
ssCMi ssCMi
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 20, 2012

You are clearly not vain or jealous. Anyone who said that is absurd. What you are is preoccupied with how you look. You are pretty and just can't see it. Your problems are not that you are not pretty, but how you see yourself. And how important being pretty is. People do not need to be pretty to have friends, loving boyfriends or a job. Your family will still make fun of you no matter what, because family is family. (Although if they are making fun of your looks, someone needs to make them understand how it is hurting you. Not me. I would use a weapon) People don't need to be pretty to enjoy life. The prettiest person in the world still might never find happiness.
And speaking of happiness... You need to find a way to be ok with yourself. If you pin your happiness on someone else, or something else, you'll never be happy. Because if you are not enough without it, you will never be enough with it. That's how people, with the money, have surgery after surgery and are never satisfied. Find something you do that makes you happy and makes you feel good about yourself. Focus on that. Focus on others. Focus on the people around you who make you smile real smiles.
You are a pretty young woman under an evil spell that prevents you seeing what you truly look like. Don't let it prevent you from seeing who you truly are and can be.

So, if you are not pretty, whose picture is that in your avatar?

It's me. . . Is it that bad? I can take it down. . .

You look pretty in the picture. The picture is pretty (even though you don't look happy) You are pretty. I would have asked, but I tend to write small novels as posts. Working on another one here...

Nothing bad about it! You look lovely. You are too critical of yourself!