Why Do We Get Hurt By The People We Love

I am so tired of my family, I feel that they are always emotionally blackmailing me.  I love them to death, and I would never want them to be in need of anything, but sometimes it is so hard to help them. I have my brother, who is seven years older than I am, and he knows that my weakness that I love him so much to the point of enabling him. He was living with me, and I would take care of his living expenses most of the time. After he got married, he moved in, with his wife and his step children to my house, and I wouldn't complain. When he decided to go live overseas with his wife, I paid for half of his tickets because he could not afford them. I sold expensive  jewelery because I did not have enough money to help him when he was in trouble, and I wouldn't even bring it out because i did not want him to feel bad. When I was able to, I would send him money whenever he asked for. I took out a loan, twice, so I can send him money  and he can start a small business. And all this is happening while we have two older siblings, who are much better off than I am financially, but they would never help. and would criticize me if I was late in helping him. 
And now, when thing are very tight for me, and I can't help him anymore, I am suddenly the evil sister, who never helped him or cared for him. He broke my heart to million pieces, I am now a selfish person, he would call and use all these words that feel like a dagger in my heart. I told him If I can I would, but it is really tight, I am still paying for the two loans for him, my salary can barely be enough to pay for the house and the bills, he would never understand. And my other brother and sister are complaining that they can not help him, but I should. I don't know what to do, it breaks my heart to see him in need and I can not help him ( He wants me to pay for the air tickets for his wife to come here and visits her kids, and once she is here, I will be fully financially responsible for her, because he can't afford it, I told him that it is not necessary to send her now, maybe when he saves enough money to afford it, since I don't have enough money to help him, but he said that I am being inconsiderate) . His wife is not helping either, she lies a lot to get as much money from us as she can, to the point of lying about being pregnant.
 I know that I am responsible for this, but what can I do, when I decided to be strong, and say no more, because I don't want to enable him anymore, tough love of sorts, and because I can't actually afford it. I became the bad person in the eyes of my family, as If I don't want to help him because I am selfish.
 I also don't know if I am actually being selfish for not helping him out. Am I doing a mistake, am I bad person for not being able to help. I don't know anymore, I just know that I am feeling really bad right now.
ransha ransha
26-30, F
2 Responses Jun 7, 2010

I really feel for you because I'm the youngest of three siblings. My sister and brother are very dependent on me to always help them. Since I was young I have been very responsible. I remember being young and working all the time my brother and sister would take the money I made working as a waitress. I have always helped them with money, taking care of their children, attending courts, driving them to airport, driving them to school, the list goes on and on it all was so that my mother would not worry. I took on the responsibility of an older sibling, until one day it hit me why I'm doing this. They continue with their life like nothing happens and here I am working, working and working to pay off debt that I have accrued because of helping them. I told my mother that I would not continue like this because I am not their parent and they need to fend for themselves. I think it is not being selfish of you to take care of yourself. Do did not asked him to move wherever he move, you did not asked him to find himself a wife. It is his life and he needs to find a way to provide for his new family without your help. What about you? What if you turn the tables on him and you start asking him hey I don't have money for my electric bill can you send me 100.00 dollars? Hope this helps you... Now, the story continues with my nieces and I'm at a loss of what to do.... I feel overwhelmed with sadness, frustration of what to do.... It never stops... :/

oh man you r in deep ****.<br />
please remember everybody is responsible for herself. your bro is using you. other way you are making him dependent on you and it makes you feel that you are a good person. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON YOU DO NOT NEED TO GET APPROVAL BY DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING. HIS WIFE HIS LIFE. IF YOU KEEP ON HELPING IN THE END YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY THINKING WHAT DID I DO FOR ME? STart living your own life. shut the door behind let them shout at you bark at you. be strong and one day will come when they will be away from you.