I'm Putting Ep to the Test!

I'm breaking up with my girlfriend!
There's just a few problems
  • She lives with me.
  • I don't think she can handle it.
  • She hasn't done anything wrong (actually she does very little).
  • There's someone else.
  • Our relationship as it is, is quite flawed. There's no passion left if there ever was.

    Our sex life in the last few months (with the exception of my birthday and one drunken night) has died.

    Her lack of motivation to do anything drives me insane! The constant complaining but not doing anything about it attitude drives me up a wall!

    Then there's all the other crap I have to do because if I don't it just wont get done.

    I'm a guy, I've lived alone for a long time I'm messy! But she takes the f'ing cake, she's so much worse than me that I'm constantly cleaning and picking up crap all f'ing day. My home life consists of f'ing chores.
    I'm not saying it's a bad thing but help me out every now and then.

    Then I got sick, this is when I knew what a selfish $#%#$^@%^%^ she was. I'm coughing my f'ing lungs out and she whines about crap or makes me go outside in the f'ing cold!

    Last weekend she was supposed to go help her mom with something, I was sick I'm staying home, she cries and whines for two hours so just to make that sh*t end I go with her and I'm miserable and sick and she can see it but she can't be apart from me for 5 minutes.

    I'm sorry this is so long or that it makes little sense but I'm miserable!

    Now comes the hard part breaking up with her, I don't think she can handle it. I think she has some self esteem issues, big ones. I feel so bad by doing it but...

    I met someone that has made me happier than I can ever remember. I wasn't looking for her, or for anyone. I was going to work things out, or live with it or something. But I fell madly in love with her and how is it fair to come home to someone when your heart is somewhere else.

    It's unfair to her for me to stay, it's unfair for me to not go after the "woman of my dreams"!

    I have to do it, I just don't know how!

    Anyway thanks for listening to this rant, I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense.
    ThisIsNotBilly ThisIsNotBilly
    26-30, M
    22 Responses Nov 11, 2007

    well if you can't do it, make her do it for you

    That story is a little old, but I actually broke up with my girlfriend and booked the next available flight to meet the woman of my dreams and she turned out to be someone completely different in person.<br />
    <br />
    But I will say, don't feel bad. If you're not happy it only gets worse.

    Wow, that's the exact same situation!<br />
    <br />
    I'm moving on!

    I was in the same situation...almost. I was her. He was you. We were living together. I didn't feel anything for him anymore and he didn't feel anything for me. We actually were about to kill eachother ha. When we broke up...I broke down. I didn't know where I was gonna go or what I was going to do. It was HIS apartment, so I had to leave. I found someone else though and got to stay in Niles and didn't have to move back home and leave this life behind.<br />
    <br />
    Moral : Life goes on. Things get better. Leave before things get worse.

    It is no doubt a tough situation. Breaking up with someone, for whatever circumstance, is uncomfortable and emotionally draining. I don't think there is ever a "good" way to do it. I think you are a good guy for trying to take her emotions into consideration. At the same time if you find yourself re-hearsing the speech than it probably isn't the right thing to say. On this one, I say speak from your heart. <br />
    <br />
    But I totally agree with folks--you need to do what is best for you. You realize you aren't happy in the relationship and there doesn't seem to be anything that will change that. People change and so these things happens. It is difficult because you live with her--trying to figure out who gets what and who lives where is challenging. <br />
    <br />
    Good luck and I am sure you will do the right thing!

    Thanks! so far all the advice points in the same direction.

    omigod walk away from it all!<br />
    you need to be happy first and foremost!<br />
    its not your problem that she is needy! not to mention insecure and selfish!<br />
    <br />
    you deserve better and to be happy!

    I sure as hell am glad that you like it!<br />
    <br />
    So did it help?<br />
    <br />
    If you liked that here is some more cheesy stuff:<br />
    All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us.<br />
    So basically you never lose by loving, you always lose by holding back.

    Wow, I like it!<br />
    That's great!

    Though it's hard to break up you deserve to be happy and right now you truly know in your heart that you are not happy. And even though it might be hard or painful just follow your heart. And yet, another complicated statement. Relationship stuff can be complicated, but you know what is right.<br />
    <br />
    So here's a few of my nifty, cheesy words. My creativeness is really flowing tonight:<br />
    <br />
    The magic of true love is the ignorance that it will last forever and hatred comes from the heart; contempt from the head; & neither feeling is quite within our control and Love is not blind. It sees more and not less, but because it sees more it is willing to see less and when we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. True love is not how you forgive, but how you forget, not what you see but what you feel, not how you listen but how you understand, and not how you let go but how you hold on (but it's hard to hold on if there is no passion or connection) because True love is what humanity needs to keep hope alive and to make life worth living and a total commitment is paramount to reaching the ultimate in performance.<br />
    <br />
    So i hope this helps. <br />
    <br />
    An after thought; Even if you didn't find someone else that you like before you break up with your current girlfriend that doesn't change anything because you're not breaking up because you found another girl. It's because your relationship with your current gf really has some glitches.<br />
    <br />
    Okay, so am I helping or making it worse and even more confusing.<br />
    <br />
    What it all boils down to is to either go out on a limb and get what you want or be unhappy and I would really hate for you to be miserable just to spare someone else's feelings. <br />
    <br />
    Now I am sooooooo rambling and I need to get a grip.<br />
    <br />
    So good luck with this all and I hope that reading my humongous spill doesn't give you a migraine.

    How did my comment move up a notch?

    Good, we'll live in a dimly lit house!

    I better get you while I can 'cause in 8 years I'll be 37 and who knows what I'll look like then!

    i agree with missalissa...the 'what ifs' will eat you alive, and just make u even more miserable down the road if you don't break up with her now

    That's what everyone tells me, plus if I don't I'll be miserable and maybe it's time I do something for me, time to make myself happy for a change!

    wow hunnie. you are a great guy and omg that is mean of her to make you go out in the cold or be a whiny b*tch when you don't feel well. i still don't understand the whole sex thing neither. like how can.......when you really love someone.......ugh. i'm so sick of hearing sexless marriage crap and now it's sexless relationships period. if you don't feel like there's any passion you are just putting off breaking up because you're sweet and don't want to hurt her.anyhoo as hard as it is to break up with someone you really do seem to care about:<br />
    Love is like standing in the wet cement, The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave And you can never go without leaving your shoe behind

    Thats how I feel how fair is it to make her wait?<br />
    Thanks for the advice

    This story totally caught my attention!!! I am/was in the same situation, only I am/was in the spot of your "dream woman." Coming from that perspective of course I have to say Break Up With Your Girlfriend!!! Seriously though, I waited for him. He kept telling and telling me it would be over with them and it's not, so I gave up. I know you don't want her gone so don't let it be too late. *Good Luck* I know you have the strength in you.

    Thanks, that really helps.

    If you sugar coat it you might end up staying with her and then you'll really be miserable. So think about it ....misery or happiness? <br />
    <br />
    Good Luck :-)

    That's my problem, I know I'll try to sugar coat it. It sound cheesy but I guess you have to be cruel to be kind.

    Well, you already know what you want so just do it. How? Sit and talk to her, tell her exactly how you feel (don't put the icing on). You mentioned she has self esteem issues, well maybe you being truthful will help her see that, ummmm eventually (i don't think she would see it right away) but bottom line just tell her how you feel and go with the flow from there.