The Worst Type Of It All...

It was I, who broke a promise. There's nothing worse than feeling this way, feeling this guilt and disappointment towards oneself.
"I just want to be in your life. I will not be like the others who misunderstood you, leaving you behind without taking time to know you better. I will always be here for you."
At that time, I thought nothing more of those words I said. It didn't occur to me that it will be so hard to keep, that I will end up choking on those exact same words a few months later. I ended up doing the exact opposite, saying the opposite phrases...
I should have kept it in my mind that you are different than most people, that you find it very difficult to make your feelings known to others, I should have kept that in my mind.

You said that you "don't care" and that you don't "feel" anything anymore. But I very well know that's a lie, and it took me this long to realize that at that exact moment, you were wanting me to recognize that it's a lie, that you were reaching out to me the only way you know how. I was so blind with my selfishness. I should have remembered that night you told me, "I say that I don't care because I don't want people taking advantage of that knowledge." and that other night you said, "I trust you, I really do.". What a fool! I am the biggest fool I know. I am the worst of it all.

I left you saying goodbye when I should have apologized and told you that I've never ever felt this way towards anyone else. That for once in my life, I can finally say that I fell in love. That for once in my life, "I love you" actually meant "I love you"
trappedinwonderland trappedinwonderland
18-21, F
May 13, 2012