Standing By...

Son in law to a mother in her last hours.  watching a woman you love with all of your heart slowly losing the ability to live.  watching her press her relief button every 10 minutes...pumping 10mg of morphine an hour into her 100lb body.  taking pictures of my son laughing and playing around her wheelchair.  I guess I haven't given too much back story....diagnosed Aug of 09 with stage 4.  lung cancer, tumor in the brain, both nodes on her neck.  progressed to bronchial tumors.  shrunk the brain one.  concentrated on the lungs.  aggressive chemo and radiation.  in and out of the hospital.  this last time it was pneumonia, once that was under control they found 18oz of fluid around her heart.  four days of cath. later they began her chemo again, her spirits were high.  she welcomed the treatment. 

I must first say that her team of Dr's were amazing through every step of the this.  Cannot say that enough.....but three days ago a Dr that nobody had ever seen before came into the room (mother in law, her brother in law, her 23year old son are in the room) asked if her husband was there, she said no.  He then began to explain to her that they had found a clot in her aorta and they cant do anything about it.  if you have any questions you can ask the nurse.  this life changing conversation lasted no more than three minutes and he walked out.  As she tried to wrap her brain around what he had just said....her life coming to an end very shortly....a nurse came in to get her blood pressure.  her son stepped in and ask if this had to be done now.  the nurse asked if they would like her to come back..."Grants tomb" type question don't ya think??

Fast forward two days and here we are.  She was given 2-14 days two days ago.  It has always been someone elses mom, sister,cousin,second uncle twice removed.  Its never been my life being changed by this.  All I want is for her to be as pain free as possible without losing reality.  I feel selfish for saying the second part.  I know its only a matter of time.  What I want most is for her to find any kind of peace.  She is in the hearts of so many people. 


Curse this 100% preventable disease. 

whiterhino whiterhino
26-30, M
2 Responses Feb 27, 2010

3-1-2010 is the day she passed away. Her husband held her hand until her last breathe. She wasnt in pain. They say your hearing is the last thing to go, if so she heard a house full of people that love her and her family. This has brought the whole family closer....wish it didnt come down to this but cant change it now. I got to tell her all the things I wanted, promised to raise her grandson the right way, and to be there for our family till my last breathe.<br />
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In the beginning of this I wouldnt have thought everything would have turned out like this....all of us begging for mercy for her. <br />
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Feels good to get this out...listening to my music smiling thinking of yesterdays.

Thank you...<br />
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Got to spend a couple of hours with her today. It breaks my heart to have a checklist for her body shutting down. I see her and I smile, but my heart is heavy. I come home and cant eat, cant sleep longer than an hour. It is hard to see her like this. I fear that my next post will be of the impending services.<br />
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btw ennuye 1-26 is my fathers birthday, I will think of your friend as i wish my dad many more.