I Feel Guilty Everytime I Shop
I've always been relaxed on the kind of clothes I wear. My choice of clothing has always been plain; not very trendy, not cool, but comfortable. I always felt weird about shopping, even back in 7th grade (I'm now a junior in college). I felt like a phony walking around in stores selling what is essentially an image. I didn't want to be a billboard for gap or old navy or any other corporate entity - I just wanted to wear clothes for their utility value.
But recently, I've had a bit of change of heart. I want to look good and have my own style but I just don't know how. Every time I decide to get new clothes or shoes (which is about maybe twice a year) I am painfully aware of where the clothing came from and who made it - suffering children in the third world. I think child labor is disgusting and I abhor it in every way so I usually end up buying nothing. This gives me mixed feelings; on the one hand I'm glad that I am so frugal in my spending and so conscious of the suffering of others, but on the other hand I feel like a piece of crap because I don't know how to express myself in the context of this culture. I wear the same boring, plain clothes everyday. My pants are a little too big for me but they are all I've got. I feel immature in the clothes I wear because they are basically the same shirts and pants I've been wearing for years. So I'm torn between conforming to my own culture and doing what I know is right.
Maybe I'm just too idealistic but I feel like there are millions of flaws in our material driven society. I want to be apart of my culture - after all, I am member of the Western culture whether I like it or not - but at the same time I hate my culture and want nothing to do with it!