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I Feel Guilty Everytime I Shop

I've always been relaxed on the kind of clothes I wear. My choice of clothing has always been plain; not very trendy, not cool, but comfortable. I always felt weird about shopping, even back in 7th grade (I'm now a junior in college). I felt like a phony walking around in stores selling what is essentially an image. I didn't want to be a billboard for gap or old navy or any other corporate entity - I just wanted to wear clothes for their utility value.

But recently, I've had a bit of change of heart. I want to look good and have my own style but I just don't know how. Every time I decide to get new clothes or shoes (which is about maybe twice a year) I am painfully aware of where the clothing came from and who made it - suffering children in the third world. I think child labor is disgusting and I abhor it in every way so I usually end up buying nothing. This gives me mixed feelings; on the one hand I'm glad that I am so frugal in my spending and so conscious of the suffering of others, but on the other hand I feel like a piece of crap because I don't know how to express myself in the context of this culture. I wear the same boring, plain clothes everyday. My pants are a little too big for me but they are all I've got. I feel immature in the clothes I wear because they are basically the same shirts and pants I've been wearing for years. So I'm torn between conforming to my own culture and doing what I know is right.

Maybe I'm just too idealistic but I feel like there are millions of flaws in our material driven society. I want to be apart of my culture - after all, I am member of the Western culture whether I like it or not - but at the same time I hate my culture and want nothing to do with it!

NewAgeHippy NewAgeHippy 18-21 3 Responses Oct 14, 2008

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I know what you mean. I think about this stuff every time I buy something, clothing or otherwise. I also have a huge problem with going about my day without thinking about every terrible thing that is happening at any given time. Right now, animals and people are suffering somewhere. It's an unavoidable fact. But here I sit, in my comfy bed, listening to music I enjoy on my nice laptop. It's a thought that never leaves my mind. I'm grateful, but at the same time, right now I know that there is suffering elsewhere. Ugh. It is hard to be a person with a conscience in this society. Yet, I agree, it's hard to go about it without trying to fit in to some extent. Life has surely become more complicated with time.

This is exactly my problem, I try to fit in with how other girls dress but I always feel like I look aweful I feel like people think of me as badly dressed and no clothes fit because of how small and thin I am my ex boyfriend used to tell me to wear dresses and skirts so whenever I wear jeans I feel ugly I think all guys think the same and thinking I'd look better in a dress and ontop of that I feel bad for buying clothes made by children in other countries I'm also a vegitarian so I avoid buying real leather or swayed also it narrows it down to pretty much nothing I can wear apart from leggings everyday underneath about 4 tops :/

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