Again..alone

Well its been awhile since ive been on here..not that i didnt have anything to tell,i guess ive just been avoiding it. My little sister wants me to talk to someone because she has it in her head that with me picking my scabs etc i wll get skin cancer. So i told her that i will get some help,i looked at some places,no luck for any out patient treatment that isnt exspensive. I was playing with my puppy and she scratched the hell out of my arm...it hurt like hell i dont know if i was was at that or the fact that i have a scar on my arm,that i didnt do..and now i can pick. Ugh i hates this. The scars on my stomach that i did with the razor are itching like crazy,so are the ones on my breast. Ive been using cocoa butter it helps. Sometimes i just want to lazer all of my scars away. Even if i get the help i need i still have to look at my ugly body it disgust me. I should just live with the fact that i will be alone for the rest of my life,i have alot of ******* issues i need help with what dude or woman is gonna want to see this body full of scars,deal with my rape and trust issues oh and lets not forget my anger issues. I know they all tie in together. Im so fed up sometimes i jsut want to get this life over with...im not gonna do anythin..else stupid io want to live im just so disappointed in myself. Several months ago when i asked my sister and mother to help me,and i showed them my scars,i just cant get the crys and the looks out of my head. I dont know..good bye for now.
Alexis2484 Alexis2484
31-35, F
Jul 29, 2010