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My Husband Had An Emotional Online Affair

I recently confirmed red flag feelings I'd had for several months about my cheating husband. He was having an emotional affair with some woman in Wa. He confessed to everything, cut all ties with her but I still can't cope some days.

We've been together 13 years, we have 5 kids 10 years old and under. He said it started as "roll playing" in facebook yoville, moved to IMVU and yahoomsnskype messengers. He has web cam'ed her, sent her text messeges, emails, voice chatted her. He had the nerve to say "it was something that started off as a silly game in yoville for pretend and got out of hand". She's seen him naked, he's sent her pictures of his genetalia (5 in total) and she wasn't the only one he had "flings" with. I know of three women.

I confronted him with all the evidence on January 12th 2011. It's been a little over a month. Yes, I chose to stay and work it out but only for the kids sake. None of our family know about any of this.

She knew his work schedules, he used work cell phone to text her. She's called my house. I'm still so full of rage, so spiteful and resentful right now. Some days I can't stand looking at him. I hate her with a passion because she has NO repercussions from any of this at all, her husband has no idea what happened and now she's pursueing another man in IMVU. Their mutual friends from yoville have said "he should have protected his relationship with her better" and "what about your yoville inventory". I sent, through a friend, all the evidence to her husband because 1. I wanted revenge (I'll admit that, I'm a big girl) and 2. He had the ultimate right to know what she was and is doing behind his back.

She treated me like the other woman instead of the other way around and he won't admit to being more emotionally involved with her than he cares to think about and has not ONCE said I'm sorry yet. Those two things are what make it worse, make it harder to move forward and I can't move forward until she gets what she deserves - to be outed and he finally admits to being in love with her more than "just a game that got out of control" and finally actually says out loud "I'm sorry". There you have it, the beginning of my journey of something I never thought I'd ever have to experience.
NorthernOntarioMama NorthernOntarioMama 31-35, F 36 Responses Feb 16, 2011

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I know how u feel I am currently going through something similar to what u went though mine was a online game on the ps3 he has sent her an adult toy and txt and emails and says he loves her I don't know what I should do I love him and dont want to loose him

He is a sociopath and will be hard to leave… run if it nearly kills you before your heart does …seriously.

Sure he's sorry. He's sorry he got caught. Get out. The kids will see the anger and the hatred towards your husband. It would be better for you to get out of the relationship. Why be with someone you know you can no longer trust? Fine someone you can trust.

I understand your frustration. I'm in a room looking at my wife who doesn't notice me and keeps talking on the internet. She's been on it since 7:00 a.m. and it's now 11:34 p.m. We don't talk, "what would we talk about," she says. I dn't know. Your story is so similar to mine, I'm just waiting for her to cheat. I play second fiddle to the internet. I'm not important. We don't talk. I'm sorry this happened to you as well.

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Hey there, I am new to this website. Not sure if you still come on here, but I wouldn't mind having someone to talk to every now and then. I have been with my husband 11 years next month. In summer 2010 he started playing Evony. He works at night by himself so he started playing to pass time and because he loved the power it gave him. It turned from playing at work to every waking moment during the day. He stopped going to family outings with my two daughters and I to play his game. Eventually I started doing things with just my kids out of hurt, basically stopped waiting around the house hoping he would care to be with us. Several months later (March 2011) I happened to get his password to email accounts and others. I went on there out of curiosity and found a hotel, flower, and car service confirmation. He had been having a sexual affair with someone on there for months. Through skype and FB they were having cyber sex. Worst thing is he brought her to my home while I was at work (I also work nights) and had sex with her the night I found out. I was devastated. He wanted to leave me but didn't was to lose our daughter. When I caught them together he was a crying baby, swore she never meant anything to him, made me feel as though I pushed him into it. We have been trying to work on things since and at times, things are great. He has opened several accounts behind my back however, and did it again which I have called him out on. He swears he only plays Evony because he enjoys the building an army aspect of the game. He gave me the passwords to make me feel better. However when going on and reading private messages to people, he seems overly nice and friendly to the female leader in particular. I'm not buying it too much. He has lied to my face numeous times, the most recent being on his boys Vegas trip two weeks ago when he said he was going to bed but never made it back to the room I found out. Just wanted to say I understand your pain.

How did you find out?

I would like to tell you I hear you and understand your rage. My husband had an EA that ended in sex but here is how the sex came to happen. My husband is retired military and worked on motorcycles for something to do and met this woman because she needed a scooter fixed for her daughter. So after that they continued to text for about a month and we had been having a horrible time so this one day we had a massive blow out and he went to her house to look at another repair(she was not suppose to be there) so he thought he was alone and was reading back through our text at loud which to be honest I had been hateful. I had many real reasons to feel the way I did but it is never smart to lash out at the person you love. So she hears what he is reading out loud and is stunned but here is his reply ... Through his tears he said " I made my best friend hate me, I took advantage of my wife without meaning to" this woman hugs him then excuses herself supposedly to get a drink I believe she went to get a condom.
So she comes back and comes up behind and puts here arms around him grabs his crouch and says she notices his penis in his pants while he was working and proceeds to grab it and so on. This still feels like a direct attack on me. I feel my husband let someone hurt me. He agrees. It is interesting though he said he was angry. He said "it was like beating someone up without punching them"

Yes he is 100% responsible for this he followed through but for me I feel so angry at her behavior because quite honestly I think it's sick to move in like that when you know someone is not thinking clear. She just got separated and her husband cheated and treated her bad. In their conversation my husband told her how much he loved me and even sent her a picture of me to show off how beautiful I am (those are his words). I can tell you that infuriated me.

I do believe its very possible that the woman was not important to him. I got told "the woman in and of herself is not important at all". It seems what they get out of this is a massive ego boost. The enjoy the attention and admiration. The Ow reflects back adoration which boost their self esteem, so ask him what he got from her and find a way to do those things and be his girlfriend again. I'll be you he craves attention,affection and appreciation. He wants a real deep intimate connection and really wants it with you. Not just any woman, not that woman but you.

Keep working keep reading and talking and you will let a little more go every now and then. Expect ups and downs. One day you feel forgiveness , others rejected and heartbroken then others you may be full of rage. Just know they are all ok.

Yep, I had a very similar experience with my wife, started on FarmVille and moved to more, with phone calls and eventually she flew to California to have a weekend affair with the guy. I stuck it out for the kids and things have worked out, but I will always be leary about her.

I also wait for the apology.

I AM OBINNA FROM WEST AFRICA I AM 30 YEARS OLD I AM SINGLE AND SEEKING FOR A WOMAN OF MY LIFE WHO UNDERSTOOD WHAT LOVE AND LIFE IS ALL
ABOUT I AM READY TO RECEIVE ANY SERIOUS PARTNER NOW AGE AND DISTANCE IS NOT THE PROBLEM i will like my mom to see you

I have had a similar experience. We seemed to be mending our relationship and now, over a year later, he says it isn't a big deal and I need to start being more sexual with him. He doesn't get how I can't forget what happened.

I too never saw myself in the situation where my 65 year old husband would involve himself with another woman, let alone several of then online. The most sickening of them being his 4 day marathon Facebook chat with a 20 something year old Thai girl. He persued her with the clear intent of leading her into cybersex. Which he of course denies. 4 days of how much he cared about her. 4 days of no woman has ever made me feel like this and 4 days of how he wanted them to be more than friends. It gutted me. When she asked if he had children, he said 3 and promptly wiped 15 years off each of their ages. Then he started begging her to nit let the fact that he had children come between them. He said sorry to her over that no less than 19 times. He eventually once he saw I was really done with him said sorry. He is in counselling now. I do not know how this will end. I cannot help you, I cannot even help myself. I just hope knowing you are not alone might make you feel some comfort. I sincerely wish you all the best.

You deserve an apology and an admission from him that what he did was wrong. Trust me...get this now. I made the mistake of not pushign it when my wife did similar...and it turned into an affair..and now we are divorcing (married 15 year - 4 kids)

Hey Sister go to acheatinghusband.com and you'll find all the help and support you need.Best of luck.

My boyfriend of 3 years has been addicted to haypi kingdom for over a year the other day I caught him chatting to a woman on there who is married with kids when I tried to look at what he was writing he got really defensive and hid his phone I am really worried he Is cheating on me how can I be sure what can I do?

I play haypi kingdom myself. What's his name there? Maybe I know him and this way if he hasn't already said it we will know that he is in a relationship. Let me explain you a little about haypi kingdom. Haypi Kingdom is an online war game where you get to chat with other people. Most of the people who play the game are there just for that reason; to play the game. The game allows you to interact with other people from different places around the world. In my own experience, I have met wonderful people in the game and some, I can call friends. So the game is not an online game to go and meet girls. Is a game where you go and have fun and leave the troubles of real life in the real life world. Haypi Kingdom is a fantasy world with people who are there to chat, to fight you and others to support you and some will flirt I won't deny it. What I'm trying to say is that if your boyfriend wants to cheat on you. He will do it with the next door neighbor as well as with a long distance affair. So don't beat your head trying to figure out if he is cheating on you with someone from this game. If you can't trust him because you felt he was hiding the phone from you. Try communicating with him. Why you don't ask him to introduce you to this game and play together with him. There are single girls as well as married woman and couples playing this game together. Maybe you two will have fun playing this game together. I hope this was of help to you.

My husband had an emotional affair with a female playing an online game called world of warcraft... I can't cope???

yep...mine too...on my sign up I accidently clicked male but I am a very hurt and betrayed wife. We've been married 14 years and have a son together and never ever expected this out of him. I hate World of Warcraft and everything associated with it. I even wrote a note to the other womans husband and he defended her making it sound like it was all my hubbys fault and he is practically a stalker. She lives in a completely different state than us...but...it was a two way street. I am coping on the outside but not on the inside, obviously or I wouldn't be on here. Good luck getting over the pain.....it was a pain so big I had no feeling at all.....:(

i hv the same experiences too.. it all started before we started to date... i had no idea about what kind of real man he was. he was extremely jealous and judgmental about my friendships with guys---classmates n schoolmates only. i thought it was bcoz he was so in love with me n i didnt pay so much attention to it...... till one day i started to feel something going on in his laptop coz he came to bed later always n he tried to avoid me see the screen. so i decided to check his computer when he sleeps. It was just in skype.... many girls i cant even tell how many.... they flirted n webcamed... i was so hurt n i couldnt wait till morning to listen to his reasons why he was cheating on me..... i woke him up in the midnight n we fought so hard.. he beat me that night for waking him up.... later he apologized n promised that he wouldnt do it again..... i chose to trust him, however, it didnt work at all.... i found he had girls also in some russian site called mail.ru. since then i hated russians all the way long. from there our relationship was like hell, on and off. i kept giving him chances to change... i was naive. till one day i could not handle this anymore i dumped him. After 3 months he found me saying that he was all different now coz he was seeing a psychiatrist for his addiction. I believed him n actually he changed very much n i was happy. now we are almost married and have a wonderful baby boy of 2 months. he loves his son sooo much... but guess what, this is not the end of the story. recently i found out that he is looking for girls via facebook while lying to me that he has so many cousins n old friends from school... n he even sent his picture from our wedding album to some russians via email. he time to time calls some of his old russian friends also, though he clearly knows how i am against russians. now i hv come to finally understand that he will never change.... once a cheater always a cheater,.... online affairs are addictions.... they wont get rid of it.... am waiting for a separation now but i am peaceful. i hv given everything to GOD's hand n just stay strong myself.....

I just found out my husband of 7 years has been having online affairs also. Taking ads out on craigslist and adult dating sites, all when he was staying at home with our 8 month old, while I am at work supporting his lazy ***. I agreed to go to counseling with him, but I am not sure I am going to be able to get past this. I saw some of the things he wrote and am so ashamed to be married to him right now. Has anyone out there been able to work through issues like this, if so how and how long did it take? Can I ever trust him again?

i cant trust him again. how he did it to me the same **** over and over again.... made me now numbed. there was so much hate but now peacefully accepted the fact and gave up upon him. I love my son n that is all matters to my life. I am a strong independent pretty woman that many people likes, why would i hurt myself in a dead future? i am not letting him low my self-esteem. a 7 years marriage is worthy of saving but be careful girl, be strong if one day he surprises you again. to me online affair is an addiction which is different than drug addiction. i personally do not believe he will change.

I just found out my husband of 7 years has been having online affairs also. Taking ads out on craigslist and adult dating sites, all when he was staying at home with our 8 month old, while I am at work supporting his lazy ***. I agreed to go to counseling with him, but I am not sure I am going to be able to get past this. I saw some of the things he wrote and am so ashamed to be married to him right now. Has anyone out there been able to work through issues like this, if so how and how long did it take? Can I ever trust him again?

I am sorry you are going through this, and I know how painful and hurtful it can be. I've been with my boyfriend(was fiance at one time) for 4 years now and this isn't the first time. But it will be the last. The most recent we'll call them "episodes" came a month after we just moved into a very nice house. A woman from his past pops up on his facebook and they started talking, just catching up. All fine and good, I don't really care or give it a passing thought. He wanted me to read what she wrote one day and what I read shocked me to my core. He had been telling her personal details about me and my situation only (things I believe I am the only one to share with who I choose) and continued to go about telling her about my children(not biologically his). Okay he still let me read it so whatever. A couple weeks later i walked not even 3 feet close to the computer and he shut it down quickly. (anyone who's been thru this knows it's a red flag) Now I have found that 3 weeks ago when he started talking to her he had been saying everything was great with us (and i honestly thought it was) but with them "catching up" he has learned a lot of detail about her life and all of a sudden he's telling her he doesn't know if he wants to be with me, if what we have is what he wants he's only with me because he doesn't want to be alone. I confront him he tells me that no what he tells me is the truth and not what he tells others. (her) This is all being said and done after i received osap and he took 2 months off from work so the osap is gone now (i could have used that money to live), and a month after he moves us an hour away from my friends and family to a place I cannot afford without him.. .he has most recently asked her for coffee she had denied so far because of her jealous husband (who by the way is going to work in alberta she made a point of telling my boyfriend/fiance this) I have no idea what to do at this point..If this had been the first time and he was honest maybe i could forgive and forget..but this is the 3rd or 4th time he's done this and when confronted he full out lied to my face. I am a mother of 2 young children who is back in college, and he is the only one working...any suggestions on what to do or go about this situation???????? anything would be greatly appreciated

***** slap both if them

Cheaters.com is a good one, then there is google search. Cheaterville.com is part of the cheaters one too. Google search it and you'll find a ton of places to post their name and evidence of their cheating.



Good luck with it, I even posted her sorry a** on Craigslist for awhile too.

where is this "cheater's website" so I can post her name????

My husband (not legally married) is still involved with his "online affair" I've confronted him several times, even offered to pay for a plane ticket so he can go meet her just to put it all to bed. He won't do it!! I don't get it. We are planning a trip away, I said "i'll cancel and you can take her" he refuses. Says he is a screw up but won't cut the ties. I wish I could find someone who would blow the whistle on him to her. She thinks we are divorced or whatever but still live together for financial reasons. Every time I confront him, he says he loves me and he loves her, but still calls himself a screw up. This has been going on for over 2 years, I have been through hell. We have another trip planned, but when we come home if he's not deleted her from everything and changed his relationship status, I'm outta here. I've had enough. Yes, I love him, but this is ridiculous. I deserve better.

Your experience seems to be exactly like mine that I am going through right now. My husband started with Haypi Kingdom and his relationships have formed through palringo. He's using the instant messaging, voice messaging, and most certainly the photo messaging- pics of his privates. I am not staying with him though because we have other issues at hand and this was my straw. I don't understand; we have been married for over ten years with three babies 5 and under. This form of infidelity is definately happening more than I ever imagined. My husband said it wasn't real. Um okay.... he's telling her he misses her and loves her. Her likewise.

Don't kid yourself. He was never in love with her. He was in love with the fantasy of her. It's easy to think someone is great when you are not shaing day to day life with them.

Well.....this has all happened to me as well. Been married 27 years to a bastard myself. He started with the internet girls and nudity and ************.....in 2004......stupid me forgave him, etc. Well....caught the bastard in an 18month affair with a 29 yr old in England. He is 57 and he told her he was 43. At one point he created a big ole' story as to why he was going to England.......I knew he was having an affair........and of course he denied it..........I told him if he went to England to meet and **** his ***** that myself and his 16 year old son would not be here when he got back......of course he denied the affair and then he did not go to England.......that was in May....he proceeded to tell me that in June he would be going to England..........June came and he had a Heart Attack........Sept came and I discovered everything of his 29 yr old ***** girlfriend who is an erotica writer and got him off pretty regular for a year and a half.............Hate the lying bastards guts now.............I am trapped in a marriage that is destroying my self esteem. And I am a petite woman that is not over weight and keep my appearance looking good for my own self. We've been married to long and people change, etc............just hard to accept the truth.......but I need a divorce.

Trish:



I can tell you - the lies hurt more. Hiding things hurt more. It took me a almost 2 months to get ALL of the truth from him. I now have a full confession. Phone sex, **** pics, ************ videos he sent her. Everything he confessed to. Once the whole truth is out it still feels like crap but at least it's out there and you aren't left wondering if there is anything else.



It's painfully relieving to know everything is out on the table - the part after that that's hard is letting the chips fall where they may. DO NOT show weakness to either of them. DON'T - you are stronger than that, you are better than that. DO do things for you, buy yourself a treat or two, get to things you kept putting off for you (ie: license for driving for me, nice makeup, a new hair style, clothes - I haven't done these things for myself in over 10+ years).



Move forward for you, if he wishes to come along then so be it, if he doesn't follow you - you're better off without him.

A lot more couldn't have happened because I know for a fact that he could never pull off physically meeting her. She lives in Washington, we're in Northern Ontario and don't have money for that kind of travel. In town, I have eyes and ears EVERYWHERE. If he was physically seeing someone in town I'd have known about that before the EA by a long shot.



My girlfriends are very vocal about things like this and this is a very, very small town. It's a retirement town (used to be a mining town) less than 10 000 people and mostly old people. Believe me, I've already told the husband - what he choses to do with the info is his business, it's out of my hands now. Rather, my brother from Texas told the husband because I promised not to blow the thing up in public forum for the sake of OUR kids.



I've moved on from this first post, I'm working forward for me. He chose me and the kids. He now is in the stage of resenting her and no longer wants ANYTHING to do with her or any type of situation like this again. I do love him, never did stop loving him. He's proven in the last few months that he indeed feels remorseful and stupid over the whole thing. It's a day by day thing but it gets better a bit at a time. I still have bad days where I want to rip his nuts off and shove them down his throat for what he did but those are becoming less and less frequent.