Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Hate The Activity More Than The Person

It isn't that I hate you the cheater, I just hate what you do. I don't understand why you feel the need to not do the work, or find some shortcut that isn't allowed. It means that those of us who want to and/or need to do the work look less in others eyes. But sadly, you are the one who is doing yourself a disservice. Whether you cheat on an exam or on your significant other, it shows a character flaw in you. It says I don't respect myself or others. It says I care more about getting ahead in the short term without consideration for the future consequences. It says I put myself ahead of my fellow human because I feel that I'm more important..
What you show the world is someone who is destined to flare brightly, but will quickly extinguish and soon have no way to relight the flame. You'll become as dessicated as petrified wood. Soon you'll lose anybody that really and truly cares for you. Before long the only people in your company we'll be those who will leach off of you like the small fish against a shark. And as soon as you stop moving, they will devour you and leave you rotting. If you have burned every bridge by this point, you may very well find yourself under one.
So, I ask you the cheater is the short term gain really worth the long term heartache and loss? I can't imagine a positive answer on this.
PrairieDog71 PrairieDog71 41-45, M 1 Response Jun 9, 2012

Your Response


Well I am the cheater you speak of. Let me say this though what makes it ok in a relationship to completely emotionaly walk out on your wife and kids. I know that what i did was wrong and i confessed my sins to him. not making excuses but i don't think that you can truly understand what it's like to beg for much needed love when you have a child who is ill and your husband allows you to cry yourself to sleep night after night. My husband was and in someways still is the man of my dreams. Then he completely crushed me. there were nights after my daughter took 16 pills, cut herself, or tried hanging herself I, as in her and I because he cetainly would never go hold my hand, were in the hospital all night getting back home just in time for me to get ready for work. of course her not coming home but being admitted back into the psyche unit again. now awake for literally 26 hours at this point then reporting to work for my 10 hour shift. Returning home to be chastised about putting "HIS" jelly away, or moving "HIS" allergy pills. Now awake 37 hours begging him to please stop yelling at me. Begging him that I need his shoulder becasue I feel as though I can't take another day of this sickening pain inside my heart. telling him time and time again how between everything with my daughter and him that i was dying inside. No mercy still, not a shred of love in his eyes. Unwaivering relentless emotional torture. I leave and go sleep in my car in the parking lot at work after his 3 hour yelling session over allergy pills. I sleep about 2 to 3 hours so now in 48 hrs max 3 hours of sleep. There is a man at work who watches me for the last year come in with red swollen eyes, no sleep and deep pain set in my face. Spending the last year telling me it's not my fault and im a great mother that I make every moment about fixing and helping my dughter. So yes on this day April 6th 2012 I again come in a mess only now coming from just my car, not my home. reeling on the inside he does what he does. He asks if I'm ok something my husband stopped doing. He's pissed that again I someone he is amazed by comes in completely falling apart AGAIN. So I just say as always I'm fine. we get started working. About 2 hours in I drop something on the floor, bend down to retrieve it. On the way back up this man, big man turns and his elbow slams me directly on my right cheekbone. The blow knocks me on my *** and there I am a professional, sitting on the floor now uncontrolably sobbing. Oh the hit hurt, but that wasn't why I was sobbing like a scared lost child. He know this, that was it. Why does this stupid **** keep happening, just bad things. Why is my child, who was raised in a secure loving home, sick and just wants to die. What did I do to make my husband stop caring and loving me. This man squats down and whispers in my ear. Your ok and I'm going to pick you up right now and take care of you. he does just that. Literally scoops me up like a broken child in his arms and whisks me into the cafeteria where he puts a popsicle on my cheek, which was actually fractured. He whispers in my ear go clock out your coming with me, you can't be here today. Not thinking I do just what he tells me. I get in my car and follow him, heading in the direction of a bar several of us frequent for drinks after work. I think that's where we are going.......not true he drives past and I continue to follow. he pulls into a very high end hotel and bar. I assume drinks. He instructs me to wait in my car. Goes in and says follow me. Ok, i do. We pull around to a seperate building where i follow him in. **** here is where i shold have stopped but his hand strong now hold mine tight and he says you need sleep so your going to sleep now. We enter a beautiful sweet over looking a lake. He says I'm not here to have sex with you, I'm a friend putting you to bed becasue sleeping in your car is not ok. he draws back the blanket and sends me to be. he gently tucks me in and says I'm just going to lay down on the blankets behind you. He did exactly that. I start to cry a little and he hands me tissues. i eventually fall asleep nothing happening. This man just lying down with me cuddling but not really. I sleapt for a solid 4 hours which was more straight sleep i had had in moths. I wake up ashamed that I'm in this room with him. i start talking and crying. This man literally puts me in his lap like holding a baby with my head on his shoulder. I actually felt safe and serene. Everything i begged from my dear husband. I reached over and kissed him. He stopped me and says I told you I'm not here for sex I'm here as a friend because nobody is taking care of you and somebody needs to hold you today and tell you everything is going to be ok. Your daughter is not going to stay broken that she will be ok. At that moment I knew my marriage was over. This is all I wanted to hear from my husband and for whatever reason he could not muster enough love in his hear to say these things. I kissed him again and said I want you to love me today. I insisted, of course it did happen. i was scared and nervous but it was completely perfect. Every touch and movement, everything I fealt was perfect. I told my husband and I moved out. I still now this was wrong and have never done anything but confess to it, but you know what my husband didn't even care. not one tear was shed by him. there really was no love lost on his part because he did not love me anymore. I still don't know why. I still am seeing this man from work now for almost 6 months. He lives with his girlfriend but that is his problem not mine. I don't take it back and wouldn't even if I could. There is real pain on a cheaters side too. maybe I should have filed for divorce moths before I did, but that man was my life and my heart is still truly broken. I don't understand How I could love someone so uch and make vows with someone and they just don't love me anymore in what seemed over night. He broke his vows to ya know. he was supposed to love and protect me and he droppped me on my ***. I still hurt everyday because I truly loved and would have done anything for him.<br />
<br />
this will probably enrage you but there is always 2 sides to every ugly story

Yes, I agree there is always 2 sides to all stories, the cheating I referred to was of a different sort. But in your case you weren't cheating him, only yourself. If he was like that with you &amp; your daughter, the only solution was to leave no matter how much you might love him. Because it was the best for you in the long run. I do understand being in an abusive relationship and not leaving when one should, but you chose a different route than I did. I hope your life will only improve from here.