Can You Ever Really Forgive A Cheater?Let me just preface this by saying, being cheated on is the worst pain I've ever known, and as an atheist I pray that none of you reading this will ever have to experience that kind of pain. Being betrayed by the one you love most, it just destroys you to your inner most core.
I've only had one really serious relationship in my life, and it ended as a result of her cheating on me. I started to have my suspicions when she would always be texting this guy friend of hers when we were together. Eventually she admitted to cheating on me with him, and I initially tried to move past it but a month later I found out they were still talking and I told her to get bent.
That was about a year ago, and i've pretty much moved on, but I can't shake the feelings and memories I have for her. Every 4 weeks or so she calls me up apologizing and telling me she'll do anything for me to take her back. The scary calls are the ones where I consider it and feel like i'm telling her cheating is ok. I do still care about her, but I just don't know if I can ever forgive her, or more importantly if I can live with my self if I chose to be with someone who has treated me so poorly.
The relationship will never be the same and its all her fault, I've never understood why victims of cheating blame them selves, it was her bad decision and her being selfish, not anything I did. I feel like, and even told her, at a certain point I feel like she should just take a look at all she's put me through and realize that she's done enough and just bow out. If you ever have been a victim or perpetrator of cheating than you know how painful it is, and you know how badly it makes each party feel. I almost feel like its wrong to ask for forgiveness for something so horrible, you should know that what you've done is unforgivable and just accept your fate.
Sometimes I think that if we got back together I'd eventually look back on this as her being immature and stupid, but part of me thinks that i'll always resent her and there will always be an unspoken tension between us. There already is, when we talk, or fight specifically, we get to points in the conversation where I can "play that card" and we both kind of get quiet in recognition of that. Her because she knows that me having that card to play always trumps anything she can say, and me because bringing it up again is just to painful and i'd rather not open the floodgates.
I just wonder, can you ever truly forgive someone who cheated on you? even if you really wanted to? I keep going back and forth on it, but every time I stray to the side of no I build a bigger and bigger case against it. The only real argument I have for giving it another chance is she is truly sorry, but then again i'm sure they all are, and after a year of looking for someone else, I just haven't found someone who makes me feel like she did or even does at times now. You know that smile you just can't help when you look at them, the way that even when they're talking about something mind numbingly boring you just can't look away, and the amount of bullshit you realize that you put up with without a justifiable reason.
Then come the days of remembering how I felt when she cheated, unable to get the images of her and him out of my mind, laying in bed for hours at a time not wanting to do anything or see anyone, feeling absolutely alone like there's no one who cares and no one you can trust. To this day I still don't trust women aside from my direct family, and i'm trying not to get close to anyone just so I can avoid the possibility that this could happen again.
So I ask you, should bringing me to such a dark place, breaking me down to my very core, causing a lifetime of trust issues with all women; be out weighed by the possibility that I won't find anyone else who I'll really care about?
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