Let's Just Keep This Between Us

He insists she was "just a friend."  A lonely lady that he was nice to and she made more out of it.  They both work in a shipyard...not in the same area.

 I found cards in his truck...birthday and Valentine cards calling him 'Darling' and 'my wonderful man'.  At least one of the cards was 2 years old, as she mentioned his 48th birthday.

Then I went after the cell phone records.  Calls every morning and afternoon during the drive home.  I'm making his favorite meal for his birthday and he's calling her.

7 years ago he was calling her several times a week while he was out of state.  Started to tell me it was just business...but it was late night, early morning to her home.  He regrouped and told me it probably looked bad, but she was just a good listener and helping him understand how to handle our teenage sons.  Oh yeah, never married and no kids.  Highly qualified, don't you agree?  Then he told me he thought she might be a lesbian!  Yep, he threw her under the bus!  I told him if she was that good a friend, I should meet her, unless he was worried that she'd make a move on me.   Of course I never met her and I let it go.  Upcoming trip to Europe for our 25th anniversary...didn't want to miss that. 

8 months ago I found the cards and got the phone records.  I e-mailed copies of the cards to him.  He came flying home to talk it out...or talk me down.  When I showed him the cards and cell records, he kept insisting she was just a friend.  When she gave him the cards, he had to tell her that she knew he was very married and devoted to me, so he could never offer her more than friendship.   How long did it take her to get the message?  The cards spanned at least 2 years.  Their history goes back at least 7 years.  What a crock!

He insisted it was never anything more than just friends, at work, and he had already called her and told her I found the cards and the friendship was done.  She was so embarrassed and so sorry for causing him any problems.  I told him she could call me and apologize, but he said I should let it go.  Rule #1...don't let them talk to each other.

Do I really think he would carry on with someone at work?  Everyone knows him there and we've got 2 sons that work there.  He wouldn't trash his reputation and everything we've got over some piece of ***...but it was never like that!  You've got to believe me!

The conversation ended with his tears, apology, and "let's just keep this between us, okay?"  I guess he realized his story was pretty lame, but he was shooting from the hip.  He's an accomplished BS artist, and should have done better.

So, I've kept my mouth shut and haven't had one day go by that I don't wonder if they're still 'friends'.  I check the cell phone records and the tracker in his truck.  I saw where he called her a couple of weeks ago.  Phone tag.  She called back, but he missed the call.  Is he trying to see just how far he can push me?  I want to embarrass her.  I want to "out" him, but that would be the end of us.  I don't smile and laugh like I used to and people have noticed. 

I don't know what to do.


NoBeeEss NoBeeEss
51-55, F
10 Responses May 31, 2007

Sorry for your situation. The silver cloud to your situation is that you have the smoking gun. I have been in a sexless marriage for 4 or 5 years now with a woman that is very secretive about her cell, tablet, where she goes and who she does it with. I have driven myself crazy trying to find a single shred of evidence. I though I did once, packed my stuff and left. Turns out I was a misunderstanding. We are currently separated, but she doesn't want a divorce. Doesn't want me, but doesn't want to let me go?
If I had the evidence that you came upon, I know I would be history. Wouldn't look back, but I've been tortured for many years. That makes the decision much easier.
Good luck, and hope you find some wisdom on this site.

guys use that excuse all the time..SHE IS JUST A FRIEND yea right

It's at best an emotion al affair but I think it's alot worse. Time for you get tough!

Seriously out him or do it after your holiday, seriously do not put up with this. your husband is being selfish.

Do what my wife did call her and ask her does she realize what she is doing. Or you could look her number up in the whitepages find out the service she uses and text her from an email adress you made up. You caould text her anything from bible scriptures to just the way you feel about her realtionship with your husband. Trust me it works my affair ended years ago. Well at least one of them did.

It's not my business but i would totally rat him out. He deserves it, especially if he is still talking with her. Get in touch with her and let some people know. It's only hurting u and helping him to keep it all secret. I'm not saying blackmail or anything (But boy that would feel good huh?) but you should do something. Hold this man accountable!

wow thats nuts .. i just dont understand y some men risk it.. and his tring to contact her again whats wrong with him .. ugh i dont understand i wish i knew

Have you considered getting a private investigator involved? I can not say I approve of the idea in principle, but it does seem like it's gone beyond the stage of principles and trust etc.

sound like way more than a friendship he would of let u meet her to prove his self to u

Sorry for your situation. I have had many 'Friends' over the years - but none like that. Nothing my wife would worry over and she has known, met, and hung out with all of them. Sorry......