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Nine Signs He's Cheating

When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating, be careful not to appear to be paranoid. You have to walk a fine line — you don't want to make false accusations.

So, while I'm sharing this list of cheating red flags, I concede that it's a tricky situation. It's hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but protect yourself: Be vigilant, and pay attention to your mind and spirit within the relationship. But, at the same time, be careful not to let anxiety lead the way because unnecessary paranoia will just drive your lover away.

Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:

Less Sex

Unless he's Superman, he can only have so much sex. So, if he's getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether it's another woman or a **** addiction — even if he's not cheating — a decrease in sex signals serious issues in the relationship.

Jumpy Cell Phone Habits

In a perfect world, we'd be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don't have to worry about who is texting or calling them. But, if you notice that he is getting protective and/or nervous when he gets calls or texts, it may be cause for alarm.

Gushing or Talking About Someone Suddenly

You know that exhilarating feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting? You want to tell the world about him. One of my exes began talking about a guy a lot near the end of our relationship — he just always seemed to be at her social gatherings that I didn't happen to attend. Sure enough, after she dumped me, she began dating him.

Disconnect

Even though relationships ebb and flow naturally, if you're sensing that he's drawing away from you, then there may be someone else. Emotional disconnect should be investigated regardless of whether it's caused by cheating. There's a problem if he's not laughing or seeming as passionate as usual. It's hard to spread love/passion between two people, so the person who used to have it will feel it slipping away if it's being given to someone else.

He's Pulling Houdinis

If he's disappearing, traveling, or unavailable to the point where you are starting to wonder, then he could be cheating. Also, these times tend to take on a pattern because it's tough to synch up schedules, especially in secret.

Friends Acting Strange

His friends will certainly remain loyal to him in most cases. They will not let you know what's going on, but they will definitely be racked with guilt, and their behavior may change slightly when they are around you while protecting his secret.

Caught in Other Lies About Other Things

If you catch him in a lie, your trust will naturally be damaged. Don't hold a grudge — forgiveness is a good thing. You can forgive, but don't forget. If he consistently breaches your trust, it's establishing a pattern of behavior that leads to cheating. Do yourself a favor: If he keeps lying, whether these lies are big or small, get out while you can and don't let him talk his way back in.

Been There, Done That

I always say: "Once a cheater, always a cheater." If he's done it before, he's definitely capable of doing it again. It has nothing to do with you, which is why you can't say that he cheated on his previous lover because she didn't keep him happy. Cheating is a self-serving act in which the cheater doesn't take his significant other into consideration. If someone is upfront with you that he's made mistakes in the past, maybe give them a chance — but make it a long probationary period before you let your guard down.

Your Gut Tells You So

Don't ignore your sixth sense. People are gifted at sensing when something doesn't feel right. Whether there are red flags in your relationship that are clueing you in or not, if something feels off, don't ignore this feeling. Usually that feeling is right, and something intangible may have led to you figuring it all out.


Do you have any red flags that you'd add to this list? Would you say that you're generally good at figuring cheaters out, or do you seem to find yourself getting cheated on often? What sorts of behaviors do you think are characteristic of someone who could be a cheater?

 
fukkboii fukkboii 36-40, F 11 Responses Dec 16, 2008

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glad this story is helping someone but i say if u don't trust ur mate, whether he's cheating or not, u have a problem and it's going to be a challenge to make the relationship work. trust takes time and it's generally built up being acquainted with someone and building a friendship, over time, which will build trust as u get to know the person. the family planning agenda has been to put an end to the traditional family. in a society of microwave relationships we get to the sex before the acquaintance thing and hormones and feelings get us tangled up into the wrong thing. it's best to wait. an ****** only lasts a few minutes at best... the pain and torment of coveting with the wrong party can impact ur life and well-being. take more effort in picking a mate than u would in buying a house and u will have a better chance of it.

The easiest way to pick out a cheater...<br />
<br />
You know he's not happy with your relationship (in some way or another) AND he's not frustrated about it anymore.<br />
<br />
For example, he used to beg you for some particular sexual act and now he's like "meh", even though he's still not getting it at home. <br />
<br />
Now, if you want to prevent getting cheated on, you got to catch him while he's still frustrated and either resolve his frustration between the two of you (during which the words "should" and/or "I won't" are not constructive) or end the relationship in acknowledgement over your inability or unwillingness to resolve his (or her) wants/needs/desires.<br />
<br />
Otherwise, people tend to resolve their frustrations...<br />
Or, he was complaining about how you talk to him when he's watching sports or something, and now he doesn't even care or even laughs about it.

2008- man... that's how long ago it was when i actually cared about this subject. haven't dated in two years now, and counting. staying single for the long haul. i don't think a man is worth all that now-a-days. what man doesn't end up having an issue? they're like children. watch him while he's frustrated - deep sigh. like i said, i don't care anymore. this was part of the reason why i stopped dating. i don't have time for it. i have three sons. those are the only men in my life worth that effort, and i don't have to expend that kind of energy on them cuz they are my kids. for me, sex is the only reason i would desire having a husband but knowledge is now my boyfriend. thanks for commenting. same goes for u antwan.

I have a few questions to ask and I ask them in my story I wrote (I'll ask here you don't have to read it or anything) if you think these are good examples of how anxiety and insecurity can drive someone away. My current girlfriend is cheated on victim maybe more than once. Why is it such a terrible thing to have female friends and every now and then spend time with them just as you would with guy friends? Why should I have to ask my girlfriend if its okay for me to hang out with them or report my whereabouts if there are female friends around me? If they are friends why does their gender matter? Never cheated don't plan on it however her anxiety is getting to be a problem since I plan on enlisting in the Air Force and will be away for long periods of time.

if ur not gay then the girl-friends might be a problem for some. i don't see why a dude wants to hang around a gang of chicks if he has a girl. to each his own. guess it all comes down to trust. the fact that u have a harem would be a deal breaker for me. ep didn't notify me of this comment. sorry

man... i really feel for u. being able to be alone takes courage... if u get in a relationship now-a-days, nine times outta ten ur settling... and my standards are so high i don't think anyone could really please me... but they match what i give and i need someone who is like me... almost doesn't count. i know we stay for many different reasons but i've never had a problem leaving. i feel better on my own, but every now and then i miss the sex and companionship... and i LOVE cuddling... he is sick and won't change probably. he's not whole himself so he's trying to fill that empty feeling with anything he can get to distract from it... but that's not how u fill it. GOD is what filled it for me. i am at peace and content. my heart goes out to u... i feel u will leave when ur ready. u can't get the time back however, and that's one thing i always regret... time wasted.

people who cheat don't think much of themselfs. I haven't even been married 2 years and I found out my husband has been cheating on me our whole relationship. And once again, he is the one always checking up on me. Funny how if your not doing anything wrong you just figure the other person is doing nothing too. But....................when you are a cheating piece of crap , then you think everyone else is too. The funny thing is it's not about the person their cheating on , but that is who it hurts the most, at least at first. My husband isn't nearly as attractive as I am, but that too has nothing to do with it. And the women he has cheated on me with are just flat out unattractive, and that doesn't has anything to do with it. The other women could be fabulous looking and not and it's all the same. I'm not a jealous person but I think sometimes that makes it worse because I don't react strongly enough. I just figure he's a sick f...k and I am still here. Well, maybe I'm the sick one for staying. I don't feel mad at him , I don't feel anything for him. Sad , very sad, I am such a loving , fun, happy, giving, women and I stay , for what? I could leave and be happier alone, or pretty much have anyone I'd want. I guess I'll know when it's time to leave? Won't I? What a waste of time, money and energy it has all been. I would have given him the earth.

"I haven't even been married 2 years and I found out my husband has been cheating on me our whole relationship. And once again, he is the one always checking up on me."
Ummm... that means he got married and got your commitment for some reason other than him being monogamous. My bet is, he married you for a "non-compete" clause against other men for you and whatever other values you brought to the table. Maybe home-making, acceptability to his parents, wanting children with you, or something other than resolving all of his needs. The "cheating the entire time" says that because most people who expect one person to meet all their needs/desires generally goes through at least a short honeymoon phase before building frustration and going elsewhere (too).

"My husband isn't nearly as attractive as I am, but that too has nothing to do with it. And the women he has cheated on me with are just flat out unattractive, and that doesn't has anything to do with it." Sounds like he married you for your looks and status but what he wants is some sort of sexual action either you're not doing or he thinks you shouldn't do. For some men, this is called the Madonna/***** complex where good women aren't supposed to like sex and you're only supposed to marry good women...


"Well, maybe I'm the sick one for staying. I don't feel mad at him , I don't feel anything for him. Sad , very sad, I am such a loving , fun, happy, giving, women and I stay , for what?"

Yes. Why are you staying if you aren't happy? What are you getting now (or avoiding receiving) that's better than the possibility to find someone who's more likely to meet your wants/needs/desires? Unless he's providing something you seriously need and can't get elsewhere, you should really consider moving on. If nothing else, for your mental and emotional health.

WELL... THAT WAS THE LAST RAT I USED TO TANGO WITH... MY CURRENT BESTIEBEAU ISN'T A CHEATER. HE JUST DOESN'T COME AROUND AS OFTEN AS I LIKE... AS FAR AS CONFRONTING HIM: JUST DO IT! FACE UR FEARS. ONE THING I DO KNOW FOR SURE IS THAT THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA. IF ONE GUY/GAL WILL TREAT U RIGHT THERE ARE TWENTY OUT THERE WHO WILL TOO. THERE ARE TOO MANY FOLKS IN THE WORLD FOR EVERYONE NOT TO BE ****. U JUST HAVE TO REALLY TAKE UR TIME AND GUARD UR FEELINGS FOR SURE. I HATE MISSING PEOPLE. CAN'T SAY WHETHER U SHOULD TELL THE OTHER PERSON OR NOT. I KNOW IF MY MATE CHEATED AND I FOUND OUT THAT SOMEONE KNEW I'D CUT THEM OFF TOO. GOOD LUCK.

So you found he is cheating....just found out myself today. How do you confront him? We are bf/gf found out he is seeing someone else. Not her fault, don't think she knows either! Do I tell her too??

FALLS- THE MEANING OF THE POINTED FINGER IS THAT THE ONE DOING THE POINTING/ACCUSING IS THE ONE THAT'S REALLY DOING WHAT UR BEING ACCUSED OF. TRUE AS ALWAYS. I'VE DATED OBSESSIVELY JEALOUS MEN WHO WERE ALSO BIG OLE ****** BUT WORKED HARD AT HIDING IT FROM ME. I ALWAYS GOT ACCUSED OF CHEATING WHEN THEY WERE THE ONES STICKING EVERYTHING THAT WASN'T NAILED DOWN... I DON'T POINT THE FINGER. IF I HAVE PROOF I CUT U OFF. THANKS FOR THE COMMENT LOVE!

Well how can you ask them without poining the finger? Some may ask. I have to add this. Only point the finger if you have proof!

SAD BUT OH SO TRUE! =)

You missed one an old saying; " If the finger is pointed at you by your loved one, they are the ones who is doing in the lying, chaeting and so on."<br />
The gulity one, always blame someone elsa who is doing the wrong!

I disagree, I'm not doing anything. I pointed finger he denied it until I showed the pictures.

so ur done with him... good then.