No Maternal Instincts Whatsoever

i am a girl in my late teens, but i have never had an "i want a baby" stage (which many of my friends are going through right now and makes me want to vomit), i don't babysit, i don't find children to be cute (with a few notable exceptions -- generalizations tend to leave someone out), i don't like playing with them, i don't want to hold your baby (i'd rather drop it than let it throw up on me), i don't want to be a mother, i don't want to experience giving birth, i don't want to have children so that someone will love me or so that someone will care for me in my old age (those are terribly selfish reasons to have children), i don't feel that i owe the world anything because i was born or because i have received an education or because i was raised by someone as my family constantly reminds me. the best thing i can do to repay the world is not introduce more children into the northern hemisphere where the level of consumption is the greatest.

this is how i feel. it is a legitimate opinion. it's not "terrible" and it's not "mean" and it's not "selfish". i am terribly offended that maternal behavior or attitudes should be expected of me because i'm a young female. perhaps it's simply my environment or associates, or perhaps it is the norm and i'm simply not "femenine" enough, but the notion that i SHOULD somehow desire children upsets me. i don't, and i doubt that i ever will, and i resent the widespread conviction that i'll "change my mind someday", or worse, that i'll change my mind "when i meet the right man".

it makes me want to break things.

VisforVegan VisforVegan
18-21, F
23 Responses Mar 3, 2008

Right!! I love this and agree 1000% (even though I'm on the manly side of the equation, lol). It's like some people have nothing to live for but to pop out kids. The world was meant to be traveled, and explored. You cant fly to New York (or LA or Chicago) for the weekend w/ your BF/GF if you have pesky kids holding you down. Not to mention a few good vacations a year. Parent's are lucky to even get away for a weekend a year, let alone some adult time/ w their spouse. People wonder why divorce is so high...because of kids! Kids change the dynamic of the whole relationship! Parents come home from work tired/ burnt out and then have to pick up kids from school and take to practice and then make them dinner and then help with homework and before they can even relax! Then they have to wake up at like 5am to get the little gremlins ready for the day and make them breakfast and lunch! It's a never ending cycle.

Oh and the "selfish reasons" people have kids drive me nuts! Especially these women (they usually make the final decision for kids) who pop out kids w/ no hope to ever support them or put them through college! It's like "hey, i don't even have a good job, a college education, nor am I going to colllege; so lets pop out a few kids!" So selfish it truly saddens me for the kids that they have.

I have a theory that us vegan types are naturally smarter/ more enlightened than the masses on so many levels especially this area! We realize that the earth is dying, and our food is toxic/ ect. One would have to be ignorant and selfish to willingly bring a child into this world under these circumstances. Cheers friend! Thanks for sharing.

hun you are not alone, ive never had those maternal instincts-not EVER. I still dont and I'm in my 30 so imagine how much harrassment I have received in my life. Stand your ground. People like that need someone to love them so much they are willing to miss out on life, and they want u to be miserable. I have been able to perform in many cities, travel the world, and i have time and money at leisure. These same women that harass me are extremely JEALOUS. They have lost their figure, they cant go anywhere if they cant find their babysitter, their husbands arent attracted to them, as sex has to be "scheduled" and takes the spontaneous lifestyle away. They cant travel w/o drama. All the days they take off work arent to relax, but to take care of kids. Their life sucks. And yes they call me selfish, act as though im arrogant, not "feminine" enough. But guess what? If they were that happy with their OWN decision, why would they spend so much time trying to convince you to jump on the bandwagon? Misery DEFINITELY loves company

I think it's a little cruel that you'd rather drop a baby than hold it.

No, this is not cruelty. Your belief that not wanting to hold your baby must somehow characterise a person as "cruel" simply indicates that you don't understand people who dislike children.

Don't judge what you don't understand.

I can understand not liking babies, but just saying, dropping a baby is cruel when it's so easily preventable. I never said anything about not holding a baby is cruel, and you're a complete idiot for assuming that. I'm not obsessed with children, but I don't hate them either. I don't care if child-haters don't want to be around them, but if you don't really think much about putting them in pain, then you have problems (I don't use the word "you" as in actually referring to the person I'm talking to usually, just a note.)

U do not have 2 have children despite public opinions.Im 46,& I have NEVER wanted 2 have children.I was without maternal nstincts also.I went & got me a tubal ligation 4 my birthday @ 26 yrs old,& never looked back.I hate children!I even hate my friends children!Im so happy with my decision 2 never have children.Children r blood,money,self esteem,selfish,ungrateful suckers of thier mothers soul.

I applaud your attitude.

Its ok sweetie. Ya know just some people don't wana have kids? Nothing wrong with that. I respect your decsion. Some people just don't wana. Life goes on ya know?

It doesn't sound like you hate children. It sounds like you hate adults telling you that as a young female you should have children.

I felt the same exact way for many years? Guess what? I did change my mind (or rather, had a surge of hormones, and life experiences changed my outlook on life) after I met and married the right man.

I hated those people who told me I would change my mind because they sounded smug. Now I realize they were just being honest about a very common phenomenon. It happens all the time! But I still wish people would say "you MIGHT change your mind" instead of WILL, because many women never do.

You seem really intelligent for your age. I don't mean that to offend in any way. Just that a lot of teenage girls, myself included, believe that they will eventually suddenly want a child or that maternal instincts will take over. You really know the truth: that isn't what happens. And all of what you say, I agree with.

I am 25 going on 26, married and have actually had a pregnancy that thankfully didn't make it to term when I was very young. I may sound cruel but I completely agree with everything you have said. (if anyone is wondering, no, i did not have an abortion.) Honestly I think all the motherhood hype does more harm then good. I don't know how many children out there are raised by mothers who just didn't realize what they were in for, and took their frustration out on them throughout raising them. Raising a child with a chip on your shoulder and expecting the world to owe you something for adding another mouth to feed is ridiculous. I am also offended at women who have child after child in some attempt at making themselves worthwhile. And then expect the entire world to treat them and their children like they are special. Taking their car load of kids to anywhere they go in public, sneering at people like myself, if i happen to be in the way of their little brats blind stampede through the store. Or getting unreasonably offended if someone in public uses a curse word while having a conversation with someone else and one of her kids just happens to overhear it. The world doesn't revolve around you just because you decided to knock yourself up, and I actually believe some women out their are addicted to pregnancy, like tattoos. And they do it over and over again, for the glory of it. Not saying that's always the case...but I have most def met my share of these mothers.

Ah yes those old chestnuts "You'll change your mind someday" and "You will when you meet the right man". Well I was engaged for seven years and managed to avoid it then. Likewise why would I want my sex life interrupted by a child (my ex had two daughters and he was always on red alert when they were over at his house). Long lazy duvet days together, not possible with an anklebiter in tow. Similarily the freedom to do whatever I want, when I want is not something I'm willing to relinquish.

OMG, I get the exact same ****! "You''ll change you're mind!" "You'll have them some day!" "You'll make a great mother, give it time!" I. Do. Not. Like. Children. I am not maternal. That will not change. I fell your pain!

Man, I know what that's like. To be honest, I'd blame it on being female. If I could, I'd give everything I own to not be female. Cause I hate the 'feminine' cult thing. If you're female, your ambitions automatically have to consist of marriage, having *barfs* babies *shudders*, and cooking/cleaning/slaving/giving up your career and being dedicated to your family. Nice. Real nice. Please tell me that's a joke before I hurt someone. You think these ideals have changed? Hell no! We've only got more options now. The norm's not easy to exterminate. I'd rather live dangerously than live inside the house aka prison cell. <br />
Me, I hate anything feminine. Loathe it with a fiery passion. Iunno if it's a rebellious reaction, or whatever. But I'm sticking to it. I don't want people dictating what I'm meant to be. I'd rather be hated for my views, than conform and be accepted if I do something I hate.

Very well said! I feel the exact thing. I never liked children and I never will. <br />
<br />
Some people tell me they don't understand why I don't like children and I just tell them "I feel the same way. I don't understand why you like them." It's makes them stop bugging me about it. Lol.

I'm 33 have never wanted kids and know that I never will. I don't have one shred of maternal instinct in me. <br />
People say I'm really good with kids, but it is forced (I have to try) and as long as I can give them back it's fine. <br />
I actually don't really find children cute whatsoever, however I do respect them as equal human beings. <br />
The thought of being pregnant makes me feel nauseous and frankly uncomfortable for nine months, the thought of childbirth, weirdly enough, not so bad.

The opening sentence was enough for me .......

I applaud you for having such clarity in your feelings at such a young age, and you are absolutely doing the responsible thing by not trying to shoehorn yourself into something you're obviously not inclined to do. True enough, you may change your mind someday. I'm 50 year old man, and I felt very similar to the way you do now in my late teens and early 20's. I had kids in my mid 40's, and love them to the ends of the earth. But that's my life experience, completely unique among everyone else's on the planet. But I have a feeling that, as in tune as you seem to be with your thoughts and feelings, you'll be well aware if you ever have such a change of heart. And God knows we desperately need a couple of billion people to NOT reproduce right now, so thanks for volunteering for the benefit of the planet! And you'll be able to wear a bikini till you're 60!

Well, if this is how you feel, I agree -- under NO circumstances should you have children! Personally, I find them adorable and I would LOVE to have several! But you -- don't let ANYONE talk you into it!

Ok I need to get in on this. I am considerably older than most here. I am 48 I have never had nor ever wanted to have children. I also felt this way starting in my early teens or even before. I mean you do still have time to change your mind and I'm certainly not going to be the one to tell you not to. Myself.. I just could never understand the need for children. I dated a man with children once in my early 20s and not only did it solidify my decision not to have children, it also motivated the decision to never ever date a man with children again. I've been with my boyfriend now for 7 years. He never had kids he feels the same way I do about children. Every Time we go out and come across screaming bratty kids with oblivious parents. We just look at each other and smile. At 35 I had the surgery that prevents pregnancy. That is a decision you can't make lightly though. I just knew in my heart of hearts I would never be a Mother to anything that talked. For the record I see women my age who have had children and I can't believe how old they look. No kids leaves time for me.

I am in my early 30s but since I was young I felt like you and I still do. I have been married for 8 years and I like doing whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it. Having kids to avoid being alone in old age is selfish. The idea of giving birth freaks me out. Its funny how people say they have kids because they love children. If you really love the world, don't have any. There are so many orphans if you are ever ready and change your mind but people don't adopt because they want a "little me". How narcissistic is that?

WE ARE THE SAME AGE!!! And I AGREE with everything you said!!! Well mostly, cause I really don't find children cute. I shiver at the thought of them, and I get into fights with my mother all the time because she "wants grandchildren." How annoying is that? :)) Hey, we know we won't change our minds. Let them talk all they want. :)

If men had to have have baby we would have a meeting and come to one consensus. No more people. The human race stops here. ****, let me have one period and see how fast I lose my ******* mind.

I understand exactly how you feel. I am older than you by some years, and I am a woman. The same stupid things, and more, were said to me when I was younger. The right man for you would be one who is willing to respect your preference on this matter (and hopefully on other matters as well). Don't yield to norms (some of them are really aweful) and peer or other kinds of pressures. Be proud in the fact you are different (and as far as I am concerned, in a good way) and that you can think for yourself!