My Xmas Eve Is RuinedSo my dad and I are going to one of his friend's house for Xmas Eve. We'll call this friend Jen. The plan was to smoke pot and get drunk and order pizza and just relax and goof off all evening. But of course, these plans have been thwarted by Jen's grandchild who is now 5 years old. Jen has to babysit the child because the child's mother, Jen's daughter is a selfish, irresponsible piece of ****. Jen's daughter got knocked up at age 16/17 by another teenager who (of course) disappeared shortly after the kid was born. I had asked the girl while she was pregnant why she didn't have an abortion, and she said it was because she wanted a kid. So here we are, 5 years later, and she NEVER takes care of her own ******* kid. She is constantly leaving it with Jen so that she can hang out with her friends or do whatever.
So instead of drinking wine from sparkling crystal wine glasses and lounging peacefully on the sofa, smoking a joint in warmth and comfort of a clean and clutter free living room, we will need to:
- drink wine from plastic cups, because if there is anything breakable around the kid WILL break it
- not smoke pot at all, OR only smoke it outside in the freezing cold while the kid naps (if we are lucky enough for it to nap)
- listen to and look at a kid running around like an elephant and screaming like a banshee
- listen to a loud TV playing obnoxious kids programming which the kid won't even be paying attention to (unless we turn it off)
- talk to the kid and pretend to understand what he's saying, which is impossible because he's 5 and he always sounds like he has ****-marbles in his mouth
- talk to the kid and pretend to be interested in the idiotic things he says or asks
- play with the kid -- which for this kid, play means bash hard plastic toys into your hands with so much force that it breaks skin and causes you to bleed
- be stepped on and climbed on and sat on like a piece of inanimate furniture
- have every conversation interrupted, either directly by the kid or because the grandparent needs to tell the kid to stop doing something he shouldn't be doing
The list could go on, but I think everyone got the gist. I was really looking forward to visiting my dad's friend today, but now, knowing the kid is going to be there, I don't even want to go.
SilkPerfume 26-30 3 Responses 1 Dec 24, 2012