There is so much that needs to be said, because disliking children is something people who love them just do not understand.
The hardest issue is trying to explain what it is like to the people you love who think differently. They just don't understand, and there is nothing you can do to make them understand.
I've never liked children. I didn't play with dolls, I refused to babysit as a teen, and I have never wanted to ever have kids. To this day, I hear the same nonsense over and over from people, and get the same looks from people when I state how I feel. I'm now 31, and though my mother has finally come to accept it, other people still give me the same three lines :
1. It's different when it's yours
2. You'll want them some day
3. You were a child once too, you know
It frustrates me that people cannot fathom how ridiculous these 'arguments' are. No, it is not different when it is yours if you DO NOT LIKE CHILDREN. If you like kids in general but get frustrated with them when they behave badly, then yes, when it is yours and you love it because you have a bond with it, that may be true. But when a person tells you they hate kids, feeding them this line is asinine. If it were mine I would hate it even more, because it would be around me 24/7, smothering me with feelings of resentment, making me feel burdened with something I never wanted. I cannot seem to make people understand this. Would you give a dog or a cat to someone whom you know hates them, thinking that they will magically change their mind once it is 'theirs'? I should hope not. Ownership does not automatically change one's feelings toward something, and to assume it would be different because it is a child only shows your inability to see things from any perspective but your own. You have to look at having a child through the eyes of someone who does not love them to understand. Looking at the situation as a parent who loves their child more than life itself is NOT going work. I am not you. I do not love children like you do. Therefore, I would NOT love my own any differently just because it is my own. Stop telling me you know what I will feel based upon what you know you would. It doesn't work.
The argument that you will change your mind when you are older fails when you are over thirty years old. I do not even bother arguing this one anymore.
The last one, the 'you were a child once too' argument, is one of the most frustrating to receive, because the tone and smugness of those who say it make it hard to respond without getting angry. I was a child? Really? Wow, I must have forgotten! You're right, I love kids now! Honestly, the lack of relevance here is baffling. Who cares if I was a child once? No, I did not like babies or toddlers when I was one. Nor did I love myself and think, when I am older, I want more of me at this age. Kids don't think about that stuff, because they are not fully developed people. You may as well tell me that my cat was a kitten once, too. The fact that someone was once an ignorant bundle of egocentrism in no way mandates that they must forgive their own behaviour at that age and wish to engage with others who remain that way. I do not like children - that includes how I would have acted at that age. The basis of this argument stems from the whole idea of how others treated you when you were a child. The 'how would you feel if when you were a kid, people hated you the way you hate kids'. Well, I'm sorry to say that it doesn't matter. I am sure there were plenty of people who did. It in no way affects how I feel about kids now. I'm not chasing children and trying to traumatise them. I'm asking you to keep yours away from me and respect the fact that not everyone wants to see pictures of, hold, talk to, or interact with your kids. I am sure there were plenty of people who felt that way toward myself as a child, and I would have wanted my mother to respect that and keep me away from them as well.
I think the most difficult part of disliking children comes when you love someone who has kids. Yes, I am able to tolerate them. But I will never see them the way their father does, and will never love them the way parents do. I know that must be difficult for him as well, but even with older children, you still end up having things expected of you that only happen when the person does not truly understand how you feel. If I know you hate a certain television show, I would not expect you to ask me all about it when you know I have been watching it. However, even if someone knows you hate kids, you are somehow expected to ask how things went if they have some game or event. I don't think to ask because I don't care, the same way you would not think to ask who won the Miss Utah beauty pageant if you hate such things. But it's 'different' with kids. You are expected to force an effort even when you hate them, by nature of what they are. It's the old "I know you hate spiders but you will love my pet tarantula because it is mine' method of thinking. It doesn't work. This situation also happens any time friends start having babies. They know you hate them, but as soon as they have one, they assume you will like theirs. The egocentrism of children is just as strong for parents. Anything different is met with a 'how dare you' eye glare. Well, I'm sorry. I don't like children and I have made this no secret. Why you chose to assume yours would be different is not my problem.
Perhaps the worst aspect of it all when it comes to a partner with children, however, is knowing you will always be second. The house is on fire ... I will risk my life to save you. However, in a reverse situation, I will burn while you rescue your kids first. That hurts more than most people can EVER imagine. No matter how offended you may feel because I do not love your children, you will never know how it feels to know that you are less important to the one you love than they are to you.
As I stated at the beginning, the most frustrating part is the lack of understanding. After 30+ years, I have come to the conclusion that I am just wired differently. I have no maternal instincts. I refuse to hold a baby - the experience would be akin to holding a handful of spiders. As much as people may scoff, that's not a joke, nor is it an exaggeration. When my brother had a child, my mother wanted a picture of me with her and put her on my lap .. i think she was maybe 3 or 4 months old. I literally held her by her clothing with the tips of my fingers. The entire experience was jarring and uncomfortable ... I wanted nothing but to fling her off of me, and had to use all of my willpower to not drop her just to get her off. People do NOT understand that, and unless you can think of something toward which you feel the same, and can wholly imagine such a situation with said thing, then there is no hope of you 'getting it'. Even pregnancy .. the sight of it, the idea of it .. makes me nauseous. I know it is abnormal. I have stated that it was such since I was about 10 years old. However, people don't care. When it comes to kids, there is no room to be different. You are expected to like them, and if you don't, regardless of whether it is something voluntary or conscious, you WILL be treated as though it is your fault, and expected to change.
Well, this is where things fail. After 30 years and still hating kids as much as ever, I don't think I am going to magically wake up and love them one day. Expect it from me all you want. Expect that I will force myself to interact with something that infuriates me and makes me feel both sick and frustrated and angry. Expect that you would not do the same if I wanted you to interact with something you felt this way about. Nothing changes, because this world revolves around children and procreation, and for those who have kids, any ill feeling toward the child is by extension ill feeling toward them. Newsflash people - You are not your child. You share DNA, but you are not the same. I may love you, that does not mean I love them, and if I hate them, that does not mean I hate you. Adults and kids are very, very different, and some people are wired differently when it comes to how they feel about them. If you cannot respect that and accept that, no progress is ever going to be made.