College Is Not For Me.

Ah, where to begin?

I'm almost done with my second semester of college, majoring in vocal music. Most people think that majoring in music is stupid, and it kind of is. You can't do anything in the field except teach, unless you're talented enough to perform on higher levels. But most people aren't. I majored in this because literally my entire family, my parents, siblings, cousins, aunts/uncles, grandparents ALL majored in music and are all older than me and have jobs in the music field. So I was sort of pressured into majoring in music, but that's what I've done my whole life - I feel like I can't do anything else. I KNOW I can't do anything else. Music is all I've known.

The college I go to isn't for me. I know this because I don't fit in with the other music students, and I can't seem to succeed in anything I do here. Everyone who was at my level at the beginning of the fall semester is already WAY ahead of me in everything. My guidance counselor is NO help and neither are my professors. In music, it's basically a "teach yourself everything" kind of situation because there's so much practicing that has to be done on your own. You have to learn everything yourself. I can't seem to make myself practice and I can't find ANY motivation to do ANYTHING, which inevitably has lead me to almost being kicked out of the school of music. All of my professors hate me because they think I can't amount to anything, which is probably true. It's not laziness, it's just that I can't find any motivation to do anything. I've never had problems with depression until I went to college. I'm pretty sure I have a serious case of it, solely because of the stress and sadness I've had to endure for the last year.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should drop out of college, or change my major, or what. I'm so confused. College is way too stressful for a simple person like me to endure; I'm not sure if I can handle it. I mean, I'm only finishing my freshman year, so how much more of this am I going to have to take? It's literally painful for me to go to class. And it can only going to get worse from here until I graduate, right?

I can't lie when I say I've thought about suicide - that's how intense things get in the music and performing world. There's competition everywhere. Nobody is your friend, really. And if they are, it's not real; it's fake. And none of them are like me. They're all goody two-shoes and holier than thou and even judgmental; they all talk about each other, like we're still in highschool. I'm so above all that; I've distanced myself from these people because of the reasons I just listed, and that's part of the reason I'm depressed. I'm the kind of person who can't survive without human interaction. Now I know this to be true, because of my depressed state from being so isolated from everyone this whole year.

I've lost sight of why I even decided to major in music in the first place. I majored in this because of my love for music, because it is all that I can do and all that I love. But what I didn't know is that when you major in something you have a passion for, like vocal performance or musical theatre for instance, it no longer becomes a passion. It becomes a chore. It becomes work, it becomes painful almost. I can't give up music, but I don't know what else to do.

I realize I may not get any responses for this because it's so wordy, most of you won't even read it. And if you do, you may not know how to help me. I sure don't. But if you do, I'd be extremely grateful to have some feedback. It's hard to handle things like this completely by yourself.
simplegirl93 simplegirl93
5 Responses May 7, 2012

I'm in the same boat as you. Everyone in my family and extended family is in the hard sciences, which is a really brutal lifestyle. I like science, but not to the extreme like my professors want me to. I thought I would live a lifestyle similar to the scientists of olden days like Einstein that I've read about, but science is so complicated nowadays.

are you in a music college, or a university where you also have to take multiple other classes? maybe take a year off to gather your priorities, or find private lessons.<br />
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also, and i'm not sure what field you or your family has went into in music, but I think with any creative skill there will be times when it will feel like a wall, and you will have to push through that, but great things can happen.

I dropped out my last quarter of college. I hate college too. I thought something was wrong with me because everyone around me seemed to enjoy what they were doing, but it was just way too fast for me. You're ok. You're not alone.

college is not for everyone either

I have had a lot of people tell me to do something because I love doing it, and I have repeatedly said, I won't work in those fields because I know it would kill my interest in it. Maybe you should think about a different major. If music is your life already you probably don't need a bunch of ego bloated *** hats trying to kill your love for it. Sometimes just looking at the changes you can make, and weighing them seriously can help to make you feel better, because you are doing something positive. Look at other majors, and maybe even other colleges. Of course college isn't for everybody, and there is nothing wrong with that either. Different colleges do have different environments, and you may just need a change though. I hope you are able to find something that works for you, good luck.