Good Grief

I really dislike college. I am stuck in a really dirty, gritty city; in fact, I just biked past a gun shot on my way to class. I have to commute 40 minutes each way to class. Sometimes I bike or use the train it depends on if its raining. If I do use the train, its so crowded that I can barely fit through the door and have to push my way. I feel like a cow being corralled when I'm on the train.

The amount of hours I have to put in for my major is insane. I am a nursing major and have to put in 20-25 hours a week. Some weekdays, class lasts all day in the hospital from 7:30AM-3:30PM, but I have to be there 15 minutes early. If a part of your uniform is missing, you get sent home. If your clothes aren't ironed well enough or your white shoes get too dirty in the eyes of your professor you are sent home. If you are like 15 minutes late you get sent home. The curriculum is hard. I have to know everything about medications, anatomy, physiology, microbiology, and pathophysiology. Fortunately, I have a good memory and if I put in effort, I can learn. The professors are condescending if you do not know something or understand a concept.

On top of that I work 5-10 hours at a part time job because I need to support myself since student loans don't cover everything. My parents are incompetent and I don't trust them to help me; they have said they would help me in the past and failed at that. My dad refuses to pay tuition because he says that I should just live with my mom who lives 1.5 hours away from the school! That commute is just too insane for me sorry. He also thinks that I don't have to pay tuition because of a scholarship (that is a lie). They never send me any money or pay for my books. I can't work full time because I am in school and that would be insane! Plus, I am expected to have an internship/volunteer which I do. Or else my resume would be lacking.

What happened to the days where you could just go to school and get a decent job to provide for yourself? Instead of having to deal with college, internships, and a part-time job. Oh, I'm being fired because of my performance at my part time job...No wonder I'm so stressed out that I can't even function most of the time. My guidance counselor once told me not to work because the program was so rigorous. How do you not work? Maybe if you have decent parents that don't spend money on themselves and not you.

This is the most expensive city ever!!! I'm always broke. I rarely buy anything fun for myself. I spend a lot of time inside doing homework, trying not to spend money. Life is so hard and my childhood was even worse.

I just want to land a job where I can buy groceries, and not worry about how the rent is going to be paid next month, make payments on a used car, get car insurance, have decent health benefits, etc You know, my basic needs. Because that is not being covered right now! That is why I go to college so I can have a decent, organized life and not have to live with my hoarder parents. Fun for me is sitting in front of a paper shredder, getting rid of papers from last semester because I hate stuff that I don't use in my apartment. Fun for me is cleaning and making my place look respectable. I don't want nice things; I just want to be able to survive and save up for the next disaster (after college, which was a disaster for my mental and physical health) to come in my life. Like when I get hit by a car on my bicycle because I can't afford a monthly train pass LOL.
evester evester
22-25, F
Dec 3, 2012