This group is definately for me! All my life even as a young child I have never, or i should say rarely, asked for anything, it came to christmas and birthdays and i didnt want anything. As I got older it stuck with me, i never want gifts, if anyone compliments me i go shy ..until i'm alone, in which then i will hurt myself and take it out on myself, or argue with my partner and blame him and fight with him. I've been okay for a few months, but i know when it's coming because i feel angry with no reason why, i get bitchy and depressive with everything around me. I calm down eventually it just takes a while...and it hurts because i seriously hurt my partner when i talk about myself the way i do, i won't go into details of what i remember but basically, he doesn't know if he'll talk to me again sometimes, he fears for me and for my life. Sometimes as well for our relationship, i put it on the line so much with this it is more than poor self esteem - i have even been to the doctors but, nothing can be done so i pretend it hasn't happened and move on! The way ive been calm over the last few months i would say eventually i'll get over it, i just wish i knew what triggered it so i could avoid it. The thing is - i think it's people that trigger it. The moment i put myself around people i lose myself and my mind. That terrifies me.