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Corporate America At Its Finest
Sep 13th, 2007
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C
orporate America at it's Finest
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America :
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA )
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule ."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going
to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
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  | Posted Mar 12th, 2008 at 6:47AM, last updated Mar 12th, 2008 at 6:49AM True story. In the office, a new team was set up, meaning an area had to be in the existing floor space. There were computer cables on the floor and the plastic around the wires was being cut by the metal boxes that the cables went into to get to the sockets. This was a safety hazard. The boss did not care. We raised it with him and he said "JUST BE ADULT ABOUT IT. I don't intend to do anything". We went out and got some duct tape and secured it...   |
 | Posted Jul 7th, 2009 at 7:25AM Im going to say this really slow...FTD IS NOT A FLORIST. NEVER WAS, NEVER WILL BE. THEY ARE SIMPLY THE GO BETWEEN, SORTA LIKE AT&T. THEY HAVE NEVER EVER EVER, DID I SAY EVER, TOUCH A SINGLE STEM OF FLOWERS, EVER.....THEY TAKE YOUR MONEY, CHARGE YOU A SERVICE CHARGE, THEN TAKE AN ADDITIONAL 30% AND SEND IT TO A REAL FLORIST TO FILL YOUR ORDER...ONLY TWO PEOPLE LOSE...YOU AND THE FLORIST |
 | Posted Oct 13th, 2009 at 8:32AM "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping) What they are really saying is you could pretty much hand them your grocery list and it wouldn't make a ******* a difference. Amirite? Specific unknown problem. Shouldn't it be known if it's specific? |
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