I Feel Like

That's she's ever really said to me. Oh sure you get the "good job"s and "that's great"s, but i never felt like she really appreciated anything I've ever done, made or said. I've never been one to ask for much. Even as a little girl I was money aware. I think its cause it was pounded into me so many times that "we don't have money", "we're poor", "you gonna pay for that?". I grew afraid to ask for anything, even if its stuff i need. Then she looks at me and says "well why did you tell me your out of shampoo?!". All the guilt. I can't ask for anything without her mentioning it sometime or other that I "made her get it" or how "I always get what I want don't I?", or mentioning how much whatever it was cost. I feel so guilty about school supplies and hygiene products or Anything. It really wears me down sometimes.

Anytime I try to say ANYTHING about how I feel about ANYTHING, I am wrong. According to her. Nothing to feel sad or mad or upset about. Not a clever idea in my head. No deep meaning to anything I do.I have no opinion, no valid impression. I am wrong. I don't Feel ANYTHING. She makes me feel guilty about FEELING.
LadyOfTheThorns LadyOfTheThorns
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 29, 2010

Dont be anything like her. True, money is important but dont let it dominate your life like it did hers. Do whatever it takes to get out of that house, maybe get a job and have your own money. When parents reflect their issues on their kids, the kids end up becoming just like the parents. Do your best psychologically to not go down that path. I'm sure you love your mum but if she can't see that health is more important than finances then you need to get your own life. Its not really your mums fault though.... she had a hard life which made her become like this. Same goes for my dad, hes a bit similiar to your mum but not as bad. He stresses about money a lot, it made me feel bad about some things. My aunt is probably the best example of what you should do. She had a really strict dad. She being the strong woman she is, when she was 18 she got a job, when she turned 19 she travelled to america with her friends, for a vacation. It was the beginning of something great for her. Her dad didnt like it but he couldnt say his usual shi* because it was her money, she did the hard work for it. He threatened her but couldnt stop her, she stood her ground (as scary as it was). Since those days shes done a LOOOOT of things. Shes had a really good life. Shes a bit poor now, the economy hasnt been great on her, and shes looking after her mum...but shes very happy. .. When you are in control of your life, everything feels good..even the bad moments.