The Inescapable a.m. Scream-fest

An Open Letter to Ms. Ellen Degeneres....

Ellen, you are a mildly funny person and your show is sometimes cute. No, I don't watch it , but I am tortured each morning by what I call "The Inescapable a.m. Ellen Show Scream-Fest". I would like to make a serious request, though you have so many viewers I'm sure you could care less about your negative viewer feedback. I actually went to your youtube channel to see if I could find a "suggestion box" or "viewer feedback" section on the channel somewhere; and I seriously considered typing this entire letter out in the "comments section" of the channel...but then I thought, "Oh man, what if one of her producers actually reads it, finds out who I am, gets my phone number somehow, and calls me one morning while the show is being taped??" haha

However, I'm gonna get this off my chest anyway.... I know I will feel better. And maybe someone out there will read this and agree with me. In any case, Thank Goodness for this Experience Project website....

So Ellen, can you PLEASE, for the love of Pete, tell your studio audience to STOP SCREAMING EVERY FREAKIN' FIVE SECONDS!! YOU must be a 'God' to your fans, because you just have to brush a piece of lint off of your jacket sleeve... and your audience will SCREAM their heads off! Why, oh why, do people like to hear all that female screaming THAT early in the morning!!

Now that I think about it, other morning shows have SCREAMY-MEAMY audiences too, not just yours. I'm thinking about that Regis/Kelly show specifically. But the women in YOUR audience have a certain "nails on a chalkboard" pitch to their screams. Maybe it's the studio acoustics -- I just don't understand how people watching at home can STAND all that noise!!

Every morning, when I go to check on my elderly mother, (who watches all these morning entertainment shows) -- I hear nothing but Screaming, Hysterical Women in the background as I climb the apartment stairs. The screams get louder and louder with each step I take. Sometimes, the volume and intensity of the 'screaming ritual' builds to a near frenzy -- and I start to wonder if these audience members are having a massive, collective moment of ecstasy...  or are they drugged up on something? I start to cringe!

Do you give your audience members a few red bulls before a show?

You may want to say to me, "Well, you CAN ask your mother to turn down the volume on the t.v. when you arrive to check on her. Or, better yet, visit her when the show is over!" But the problem goes way beyond my mother's apartment....

It seems that just about EVERYWHERE I go during the morning hours, where there is a waiting room and a television (i.e. a doctor's office let's say...I am at the doctors quite often these days, as the caretaker for two elderly, ill parents), I cannot concentrate on the book that I bring with me to pass the time!! Why, you ask? Because 9 times out of 10 that waiting room t.v. station is SET to the Ellen show (or some other screamy program)!!! I literally bring EAR PLUGS with me now (the truth) when I know I am going to be sitting in a waiting room somewhere in the a.m. hours. Yet, no matter how far I shove those foam sound barriers into my ears, I can still hear that euphoric whoo-hooing!

WHY are you so darn popular anyway?? Doesn't anyone else get a headache listening to your studio audience every morning? I say this half jokingly, yet half ticked off. It's like, I cannot escape the "Morning Scream Fest" anymore, no matter where I go!!  Do you 'coach' your audience to scream their heads off like that?

You know, come to think about it, television programs in general have become over-stuffed with screaming women. In the morning, women are either screaming on The Ellen Show, screaming on The Price is Right, Dr. Oz....screaming during the afternoon shows like RachaelRay or MarthaStewart (although they don't scream quite as loudly on the Martha show, I wonder why.........) then more screaming during all the evening contest shows like "American Idol/The Voice", screaming (or more accurately, 'cat-fighting'), during reality tv shows like BadGirlsClub or TheRealHousewives etc etc etc....

Think about this this what we have been reduced to as a gender? Just a bunch of idiotic, shallow minded, loud, obnoxious ________'s (fill in your own adjective).

So, here's my suggestion, Ellen: How about doing ONE "quiet time" Zen-themed show each week (you seem slightly high strung yourself) -- and I am SURE your audience would medically benefit from just one blood pressure lowering yoga segment. Tell your dj master flash to play some traditional Chinese water music for a little while as you take the ladies on a mental imagery journey?  Or how about simply asking your studio audience to use their "inside voices" from time to time , hmm? LOL (~_~)
strangeinterlude strangeinterlude
41-45, F
4 Responses Sep 22, 2012

I think they add the screaming in the "control booth", because when they show the audience while the screaming is going on....the people are just standing there mildly mouths open, no screaming faces!!

I have two dollars and twenty one cents in my checking account... I sure could use the ten grand

Haha... Me too. Well written

That is Awesome! I don't watch daytime tv. But, I understand the whole We have To BE LOUD thing. It is nuts. They have been doing it so long it seems (is) as fake as TV. Seeing people act like adults would be a fun change