No! No! No!
If you are thinking that I may have decided to join the Taliban and hence I am opposing something that the world loves to do, you are wrong. I am still the same emotional Indian who writes blogs that are admired even by polar bears and seals (not the US navy SEALS who killed Osama, while he was watching ‘Catch me if you can’ on HBO).
I have got really bored of Facebook. Firstly, I never really understood it. Secondly, all those friends whom I want to meet personally and spend time with are too busy in their lives (that’s what they always tell me). But those same people are glued to Facebook as if they are paid to do that by their employers!! This has really pissed me off. I am now searching for a time machine on eBay which can take me back in time when there were no cell phones, no YouTube, no Google and no Facebook. Friends were real friends whom you could meet in flesh. Watching a movie First Day First Show in a single-screen theatre by buying a ticket in ‘black’ was more exciting than watching it in a multiplex which sells popcorn at the price of a full lunch elsewhere.
I am still wondering how come there has not been any alternative to Facebook so far. After all, Orkut was replaced by Facebook even before I could reach 50 friends on Orkut.
Why are people so crazy about some things? Whenever Apple is supposed to launch a product, the whole world discusses about it even before it has hit the market. Nobody remembers the apple that fell on Newton’s head. I suspect that apple was partly eaten by Newton and then by Steve Jobs. Apple’s sales today are defying Newton’s law of gravity.
So why is Facebook so boring?
Breaking news updaters
For some strange and unknown reasons, people prefer to regularly update everyone with what they’re doing. This happens every hour. Sample this: “Darren Crilly is busier than a cucumber in a woman's prison (whatever that means)”; About to shower!”; “Searching for the shampoo”; “Still wet from the shower”; “Can’t find the towel”. What am I supposed to do then? Order a towel from eBay? Bath or don’t bath, I don’t care.
Then there are philosophical messages copy pasted from Google: “If you can’t stand by your word, you stand for nothing.” I am yet to understand this person’s stand.
Masters of tagging
Sometimes, I suspect people do certain things in their life so that they can update the same on their Facebook profile. For instance, a girl fights with her boyfriend so that she can update her status back to ‘Single’. A smart guy will immediately send her a friend request and that’s what she wants.
And then, there are photos. Photos taken in front of the Tower of Pisa, with the tower supposedly held in between two fingers or on the palm of the hand just to showcase the photographer’s creativity with his camera.
As if photos are not enough, you have people commenting on them along with smileys. And then, even an ugly looking fellow standing in front of the Eiffel Tower will receive comments like, ‘Awesome’, ‘Mind-blowing’, ‘Hot’.
Family on Facebook
One of my senior friends had to recently quit Facebook as his mother too had joined it, and she unknowingly sent a friend request to my friend’s girlfriend. The other day, his girlfriend was giggling over how an old woman was trying to be her friend.
Confusion, chaos, etc.
After spending a year or so on Facebook, I am now confused who my real friends are. My neighbour is my friend on Facebook but I haven’t seen him in the last six months. I have ‘friends’ from the US, Australia and Tanzania. More than half of my college friends are on Facebook. They update their status regularly, post comments and suggest apps. But none of them talks about meeting in person, since they do not have time.
What is yours is mine as well
First, people want to join Facebook. Secondly, they want to share every moment of their private life with others. And then, when their privacy is stolen, they create a hullabaloo. Boss, if you are on Facebook, you will have to kick the *** of your privacy. That’s as clear as mineral water.
The first time I got a suggestion from one of my friend to play Farmville, I was curious enough to find out what it exactly is. After trying for almost a week, I went back to her and asked: Hey, how to play Farmville? She responded by saying: You better stick to scrabble and snakes & ladders.
One of the biggest disadvantage of making any Tom, **** and Harry your friend is that Facebook will tell you their birthdays. So, if you have more than 500 friends, you will probably spend most of your life wishing Happy Birthday to people whom you have never met in person.
So, I want to quit Facebook. And then join Twitter. No, I have not been paid by Twitter’s pigeon to promote the site. Though I won’t stay there for long as well, I want to find out how many followers I get. Those will be my real friends. Right now, only my shadow follows me.