We Cannot Change Others, But We Can Change Ourselves

I don't enjoy fake people either....it is one of the interesting conversations that I have with my husband.

My husband who is constantly working on polishing his image to the outside world, my husband who everyone thinks is the nicest person in the world...my husband who only raises his voice to me...tells me how he hates fake people.

Given my experience in life with people, some of whom could be viewed as fake, makes me think that fakeness is mostly born of insecurity.  People who are afraid they are not good enough, or that they won't measure up, create a false persona.  It is sad too because even if you break through the fakeness, sometimes it is so ingrained in a person that underneath they don't even know who they are.

Also, it is important to note that some people are false due to psychological personality disorders, which in my mind means that while they are unpleasant, they are not that way by their own choice. 

If everyone had a perfect child hood where their parents loved them perfectly, and they were accepted by all of their peers in school, then there would probably be no need to be phoney or false. 

Has anyone run across any anthropological research regarding cultures that are devoid of the need to impress or compete with others on physical or material wealth?  

As my mother would sometimes say when I came home from school distracted about such problems ..."Well they are probably more to be pitied than censured..." 

ginger1979 ginger1979
41-45, F
5 Responses Apr 28, 2007

I had a very interesting conversation with a co-worker about the nature vs. nurture issue. It’s a hobby of mine to study personality traits of people that they seem to have inherited from their parents. It started when we were visiting my brother that lives in a different state and we go for years without seeing each other. I made some kind of a statement to their pet bird, and my niece told me that was the exact same statement her dad would say. On another occasion we were together and had a similar deal. I don’t like my coffee very hot or very strong, so I usually will drop a cube of ice in the cup. My brother, who had never drank coffee before, sent my niece in to get him a cup. She asked if he wanted a cube of ice in it, and he did.

I watch my wife and can see personality traits that are identical to those of her parents and aunts. I can pick out our traits in our kids and so on. I was convinced that personality traits are more inherited than learned, however, my coworker has somewhat changed my mind.

His Christian mission is to reach out to kids from the “hood”. He visits kids in homes where guns and drugs are laid out on the coffee tables, and he has seen threats of violence from parents against their children if that child didn’t fight with somebody who was picking on him at school. H was bringing those kids into a special class at his church until the church shut him down because they didn’t want those kids in the building (different story for a different time).

After the church shut him down he began bringing those kids into his home. He did not allow them to argue and fight in his house, which was the complete opposite of their home life. He said that he saw dramatic results in the lives of those kids, and they not only turned away from the ways of the hood, but embraced the life of peace and honesty. He doesn’t know how many actually stayed in school and rose up out of that subculture, but he planted the seed in many, many children over the years.

Am I 100% convinced that changing the environment can change 100% of the people? Absolutely not. 50%? Maybe. 25%? Probably. But I still believe that more often than not you can take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy.

woot. there we go, i hate fake people too. doesn't everyone? even fake people hate fake people. so why are they fake? hmm... a wonder of the world...

I live in Los Angeles, so I encounter huge fakes regularly. <br />
These people spend tons of money on things they cannot really afford so people will think they're big shots.<br />
If they lost their precious job, they would be frantic to pay their bills. <br />
I would feel sorry for them, but when they condescend me, sympathy is practically impossible.<br />
Understanding their exact motivations would be a nice revelation. <br />
Lots of luck with that. <br />
People are such complex beings.

I think you hit the nail on the head "psychological personality disorders" as people with a low sense-of-self, imitate and mimick whomever they are with.

I think you're spot-on. People build shields and facades to protect themselves, it's all rooted in insecurity. Kudos for your balanced perspective on the subject! (Also, no, I haven't come across any athro info on such tribes).