Addicted To Facebook But Hate The Fakers

I'm so sick of being one of very few who are honest and open. I especially hate the impersonal distance Facebook has brought out among friends who might have picked up the phone to call each other three years ago. Granted, it is great to do some serious social multi-tasking. A proverbial "working the room" without feeling like you've been "out of touch" for eons. There are many wonderful things about Facebook, it is a great way to connect with friends and especially finding old friends. Unfortunately, there are some darker sides that prove detrimental to soul satisfaction. It's the unfairness that hurts and creates distance. Some of us are being honest, open and reaching out while our "friends" pass our status update like an old shoe on a sidewalk. That's not how they would be in person. But Facebook reveals true nature. It reveals 1) how insensitive people have become and 2) the fears people have in expressing themselves openly. 

Sadly, Facebook has become a social resume. Many people only ever saying things that their least favorite boss would approve of. Another thing is that I've found my friends are keeping track of what I'm doing and when. Amazingly they proclaim that I'm "wasting too much time" on it. Since when did spending quality time with people I like become a waste? I don't think I've ever thought of visiting my grandmother in person a waste of time. But if I were spending time on the computer talking to her, why is that a waste of time? And where do these people get off determining the value of my time? It is my time, not theirs. That's just one of the many ways people use Facebook as a place to sit back, relax, and play with their little judging muscle. I wonder if their little judger muscle in their brain had a little orgasam after sending me a quip like that. Clearly it made them feel better about themselves.

Conversely, there are those who use facebook prolifically and do nothing but talk about the most mundane aspects of their day. Sometimes that's kinda neat, depending on the context. "Time for coffee", for example, can invite all kinds of comments and confessions of coffee addictions, favorite flavors, preparations, etc. But when a person writes "I'm doing laundry! AGAIN! The back to work in the morning. *sigh*", and this is all they have said every day for the past three months, then that is just pointless. What meaningful conversation does that invite? Do you want my sympathy? Well, I gave it three months ago, now please, find something more interesting to say.

Last but not least, Facebook is making me feel personally more lonely. Facebook takes us away from interacting with each other personally. Fine example: I sent a somewhat soul sharing email with a friend. He ignored it. I ran into him in person and it was impossible for him to ignore my presence... he he does in the virtual world. Face to face... it's pretty hard to be totally silent and not look, not say anything at all. His excuse: Oh, I'm really bad at responding to emails. With enthusiasm he asked why I didn't get a hold of him to let him know I'd be in town and he greedily asked for my number and plugged it into his phone. I will call you!, he said..... but he never did. No doubt he never intended to. This is such a silly social exercise - pretending we want to spend time with others when we really don't. Maybe I can thank Facebook as it gives those a little more freedom to be their dishonest, disloyal and truly "fake" selves and me, the ability to scope out the real and rare true friends.
lisa36 lisa36
36-40, F
5 Responses Aug 9, 2010

You know, until about four or so months ago, I'd not used Facebook. I created a profile but didn't really know what to do with it. It wasn't until some people in a skills upgrading class I took told me they were on facebook that I started checking it out more. A lot of my extended family are there, and I've reconnected with a lot of them. To say I've been 'social,' however, isn't accurate. I receive my friend's profile updates, and will occasionally comment on a photo, video, or whatever. And I've messaged a little bit, but far less than I do here. It sure doesn't feel very social. It's more like a gossip column, just another way to keep up on what your contacts are doing. <br />
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I agree with what you say about finding out how some people really are. I keep in touch with hardly any of my facebook contacts. They just don't seem interested in talking to me. And, unless I provide a link to a story or video from another site, I can't use the site to post anything meaningful, only little blurbs that don't convey any thought. Makes being honest a bit challenging. <br />
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Like any site, I imagine there are a lot of fakers in facebook. My problem is getting messaged by women trying to find rich husbands. The conversation doesn't get beyond how deep my pocketbook is and what I'm looking for in a potential wife. Like, try to get to know me first before going there, eh? <br />
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I find some of the things people post to be interesting, but I can say the same thing about E.P. I've been coming here a lot longer, and I still like this site a lot more.<br />
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I'm not saying facebook is a waste of time, though. If it's something you find meaningful and rewarding then by all means use it. What other people tell you about how you spend your time says more about them than it does about you, in my opinion.<br />
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Nice story, btw. I enjoy your candor and straightforward style of expressing yourself in this post. Thanks for sharing it with us. ; )

hedge, I know you are right. I think it's sad how employers have such power over employees these days. I would shut down my FB account altogether except that it's the only way I connect with my Dad and some other people. I have often worried about it and worry about EP too, but I'm human and need these connections. If I have to resort to flipping burgers because of what I put on here or FB then so be it. I can't live in fear. Although I hate that most people do. Not sure what I would do without EP.

sad ... how easily lead we are ... have never had a facebook or twitter ... yet is it the same cocept here on EP? IS THIS OUR FUTURE?

Thank you saly. :-)

nice i like what you wrote and your right abt every tjing u said