I Hate It!

 I can't stand how I feel sometimes, and the problem is that I can imagine how it would feel. Feel to have your arms around me, the warmth, the smell, everything. I wish I could stop thinking about this. I can't seem to, and it just hurts. I'm getting to where I want to cut on my wrists, but I can't. I have so much I have to think about, and I can't show. Whoever thinks I do that for attention is wrong, and you won't understand till you cut yourself. I'm not saying you haven't been through stuff to, just if you don't cut, you won't understand that perspective. I just want to stop hurting myself. 

whatamitosay whatamitosay
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 26, 2009

I do understand about the feeling you are experiencing. I do not have the feelings of cutting myself, but I do have the feelings of leaving this world. Hoping that something happen that I will not have to go through the feelings that I'm alone. <br />
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I am with my boyfriend everyday, and the feelings are still there. I do not know why? I just feel like one day it will be better for me to no long stay alive with this feeling. Like I am a waste of space to this world. <br />
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And I can not stop crying, it just hurt so bad the way that I feel.<br />
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But I do understand...

I remember sitting at my favorite watering hole (Gubera's Pub) having a beer by myself minding my own bussiness as always when young man sat next to me mid 20's I'd say and after a few minutes he turned to me and asked " Don't you get lonely just sitting here alone" to which I looked at him turned and replied quite honestly and said " I am alone but I'm not lonely". You see I am a single father and I have had many relationships. Some better and longer than others and I am still alone but have never been lonely, I believe lonliness is just a state of mind which you need to not get caught in. It can never be a good or healthy thing for yourself or anyone for that matter. Just thougt Id let you know that