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The Meaning of Helpless Is Knowing You Cant Be Saved From Yourself

After going through school (i dont care what people say, its by far the worst years of your life) and being bullied all the way through i was broken down to feel im nothing which made me feel empty. after a while depression is all i knew. now i have nothing much to be depressed about i feel lost like i dont no how to feel happy. feeling un happy is all i know. which is wat i mean by i cant be saved from my self. bin through some hard stuff and im starting to feel like i shouldnt even try anymore. im confused, i dont even no how im supposed to feel any more. my past has turned me into an empty shell. this is my interpritation of helpless. confusion plays a big part.
dirtyxlittlexsecret dirtyxlittlexsecret 16-18, F 2 Responses Jan 9, 2007

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you just need some time to "find yourself." get to know yourself better. your likes and dislikes try some new things and see how you handle them. you will find purpose in yourself.

You know something...I think I can safely say that we have all felt that way about highschool at one point or another. All of us experience being bullied, picked on, ridiculed, etc...Even the jocks, popular clicks, rich kids you name it. You might not have seen them going through what you went through but always remember this, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Most of the bullies that tormented you had thier own private hell that they were dealing with. And they dealt with it by tormenting you. Think about it this way, if they were confident in themselves, felt like they were "in like Flynn" in thier elitist groups, then why would they bother making you or anyone else miserable. They had to put on a show. It is about always putting on a show. Most everyone is a follower. And those that they follow are NOT a role model. <br />
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You obviously knew who you were and what you were all about (not a conformist) and quite frankly freaked people out. You were a strong personality. You obviously didn't want to be like everyone else. That is why you were singled out. Because you had a strong character? Is that such a bad thing? I think not. But we were all singled out. Your not alone in your experiences with highschool. Every one of us dealt with some aspect of this or another trust me. <br />
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But now lets take a look at what your life is now. You are still living in the past. Screw the past. It is not who you are. Look at what you did. You made it through. Look at yourself. Are you a good person? Yes! Are you intelligent? Yes! Are you confident? Yes! Tell me this, with what you experienced during school would you be able to sleep at night knowing that you did that to someone. Could you torment someone everyday? I really doubt that from the paragraph you wrote. It tells me that you wouldn't ever do that to anyone especially since you know what impact it has had on you.<br />
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I myself was bullied all the way up to Junior High. I know that everyone handles things differently. Here is how I handled things. I was not only bullied by kids in school but even bullied by my own cousin. One day, as he was beating on me (he is a guy and I'm a chick) I hit a turning point. I finally became so enraged that I finally pinned him. I had his chest between my legs and started to crush him. To the point where it started to get hard for him to breathe. I wouldn't stop. I remember squeezing harder and harder and screaming at him, "Now you say Uncle!". Finally onced he whispered those words I let him go. He never laid a hand on me again. Unfortunately though, that is how I started to handle all of my issues. It did indeed keep people from hurting me but yet that was because they were scared of me. Great! Instead of being teased about my weight for all of those awful years, now I'm the brute. But you know what that was how I coped. Not the best way though I admit but it helped me get through. I really wish that I could go back and do things over again. You know, like a do-over. Remember that from City Slickers. Anyway I have grown since then. I don't want to be that person anymore. It wasn't working for me. So I made a change. <br />
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As you get older none of that old highschool crap matters anymore. You'll find that when you talk to people as the years have gone by that they are more open about what really happened to them during highschool too. You'll realize it wasn't so different for any of them. <br />
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Let's be frank though. You are still depressed. Something needs to be done. You need to STOP thinking about what your NOT and focus on what you ARE! Quit living in your past. That isn't you anymore. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and use that energy and turn it into something productive for yourself. You are skilled at something. Maybe write about your experiences and maybe you can help a kid make it through. Find a hobby that you have always enjoyed and see if there is a way you can make money from it. You have to be the one that does something for yourself. If you saw a young child going through exactly what you did, what would you say to them? How would you motivate them? Try doing that for yourself first!! <br />
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I am really glad that you shared your feelings. I really hope you can see how strong you are.