I Hate Being and Feeling Helpless


in august last year I found out that I needed surgery at that moment I felt helpless, like I had no control of my own life, and things from there only got worse I spent every week at a doctor’s office or hospital or calling the doctors or hospital I still felt helpless and the feeling of it only got worse than it was time to go in to hospital and I was in the CCU ward I got to walk in to the operating theatre  but after that I was helpless I was laying with my hospital robe open and my arms stuck out beside me getting needles stabbed in to me I had no control when I woke up the feeling got worse I wasn't allowed to move  I had tubes coming out of me everywhere, I think the first night was the worse nurses had to hold me up to chance the bed the nurse had to wash me and everything I couldn’t do anything for myself and I just started crying  during my stay in hospital I was allowed to do thing for myself but I always had to have a nurse with me like when I went to the bathroom got dressed showered even walked around I always had to have someone with me and I think that was the reason I cried the while time I was in hospital, when I got home things were a little better but I still couldn’t do anything by myself I wasn't even allowed to be left alone I had to have a babysitter (just my friend) but for a month I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom have a shower go outside stand up pretty much do anything by myself and I felt totally helpless and hated it, it’s still like that now but not as much but I am worried that it will be like that again very soon

bubble24 bubble24
22-25, F
Mar 8, 2009