The Sting Of A The Slap In The Face

We had met online at EP and were spending many hours each week chatting. We had even progressed to video chats, one in particular lasted 8 hours. Although we were growing close, I hadn't revealed all of my personal information to her because I just don't give my information out to just anyone. I thought that after we had gotten to know each other better, I would tell her everything about me.
We were just friends, but after spending so much time with her and her children online, I began to see her in a different light. I liked her as a friend, and I believed that I could grow to like her even more - to the point where I could come to love her as my partner in life. That's right, the word "love" was creeping into my vocabulary again.
During our last conversation, when she told me that she would never get married again, she said it in a way that I will never forger. She looked right into the web cam with piercing eyes and said it in a tone that convinced me it was all me, as if she was letting me know that I would never be good enough. "I will NEVER get married again."
I can't fully explain it, but that was like a slap in my face. It wasn't a bad slap, per say. It was like a slap a corner man gives a boxer in between rounds to revive his fighter. Her slap woke me up to where I thought, "What the heck am I doing?" It wasn't too long ago that I was writing about the disaster of my previous relationship.
She had become an integral part of my day. I needed to interact with her, and I was falling for her fast. Just as abruptly as it all began, it ended. I want to thank her for being so blunt with me. Thank you for snapping me back to reality. I am a little saddened, because I had thought about her so much that I wanted to start a new life with her. It's not her fault; the fault is all mine. We were nothing more than friends, but still, for a moment, it felt like my heart was breaking.
Doggonnit Doggonnit
41-45, M
3 Responses Jun 3, 2012

I wouldn't say it's all over yet...give her time and be her friend. Oftentimes when people make a declaration where they say that they will never do something, they may not mean it. Especially since she was hurt one herself she doesn't want to go through it again. I often struggle with the same thing...if somehow I were able to get out of my bad marriage, I've often proclaimed I would NEVER do it again. I wonder how strict with that I would be...if by some miracle someone did come into my life. Learning to trust someone else would be hard...but not impossible. It might take longer than you want but through time her opinions on marriage very likely will change. Please don't give up on her.

I'm sorry to hear that you got hurt, people I'm hear dont always make their intentions clear

Just because someone doesn't want to get married again, doesn't mean she doesn't want a meaningful, loving relationship again.

I have to agree with you. Obviously she had been hurt badly in the past and it is the only way she knows how to protect herself. Are you really that set on getting married? Why not take your time with her? Have you thought that may be if you intend to spend the rest of your life with this person, then you would have no problem just being life partners and getting married when it was 'right'? I am just suggesting these reasons because I survived abusive relationships, one of which was a hellish marriage. I know it took me a while to trust again and even now trust is a bit of a commodity with me. I don't trust easily, but when I do, I expect you are going to respect that you have earned my full trust and love. If you truly want to marry her, then you will be PATIENT with her and not rush in full on. If anything that is a red flag for some people. But I definitely agree with Fallflower, I am totally on board with your opinion! I am completely certain she probably wants a meaningful, loving relationship and is probably willing to take it from there. DON'T PUSH HER - YOU WILL MOST LIKELY JUST PUSH HER AWAY!