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Must Continue On

I thought I had met my match, long ago, we fell in love, he was extremely smart, charming, charismatic, and has a silver tongue. We dated, I got pregnant. He manned up and took on the responsibility. He was there when I got into the bad wreck that almost took both my legs, he was there when my mom died. We had tough times, and we had good times. We did get married... that was 12yrs ago, and now, my heart cant stop hurting. He loves another. He thinks i've stepped out of our marriage, but i cannot and will not do such a thing. I made a commitment, and thats that. He says he's never touched another woman, but with 3 different females, fights have broken out between us. He says he loves me, just not in love with me. My god, that hurts. He wants spontaneity, and to travel. I like to have my roots and stay put. I cant go the places he wants to go, metal in my legs prevents me from alot of things. No one seems to understand how much they hurt. Says that he hasnt been in love with me for a few years now. I could kind of tell. After childbirth and accident, it wasnt easy to loose weight, and apparently to him alot rests on the physical attraction. Also after childbirth, he wasnt able to give me a real ****** anymore, so sex wasnt that important to me, but he's never been one to think with the brain between his legs.

But now.. omg now... my heart splits. He loves a co-worker who lives next door that I thought was a friend, someone I confided in with the last girl we fought over. I cant trust her anymore either now, and it kills me. He says he's not going anywhere, wont touch her, and that he's not leaving our daughter until she can stand on her own 2 feet. She's at least 8 years from that. I dont want a divorce, i dont believe in them. I said for better or for worse that I would marry him, and I did. So now, for the next 8yrs, the man i thought i would spend the rest of my life with will be living under the same roof as me, and i cant even touch him for a hug, because he doent like to be touched as he says. I feel so cold, so alone, and hurt. My chest, my heart has a physical pain to it. I randomly cry, i try not to think about it, but it just hurts. He says he's sorry, that he didnt mean to hurt me, doesnt want to hurt me, but god.. it hurts more then my legs ever did. Apparently I cant seem to convey my thoughts to him, and according to him im to up tight cause i dont drink and i dont do drugs. But as i see it, while he smokes his pot, if anything were to happen, someone has to be straight, so let him do what he wants, I can withstand the temptations of wanting to party to be the foundation if anything were to happen.

Maybe its just me, maybe im just too weird, i dont know, but i do know, by the time my daughter turns 18, i will have spent half of my life with this man, and its going to just kill me when he leaves. He has told me to go out and get a bf, go have some fun, but what he doesnt understand is I dont want another man. I chose him all those years ago, I stand by my commitments. He has never raised a hand to me or maliciously hurt me, but i almost feel like this is worse.

Now I'm lost. So lost that I cant even sleep in the same bed with him anymore, I took the couch for the last few nights. While we are civil to eachother, it just kills me he's always going to her place, thinking of her, doing things with my daughter with her, will go shopping for her, texts her first thing in the morning, works with her all day, then after work goes to the farm with her, she and her son eat over at our place. She's a couple years older then me, and her son is old enough to be out of the house now, and my husband councils (not professionally) her son for problems. Just a few months ago we helped her leave her husband who did not treat her right, and helped her break away from "flat backing" with the boss who could be her grandfather for pity sakes. She kept those secrets for a few years, but I found out about them, until now i have kept my mouth shut about them. But now, after leaving her husband and her affair with the boss, and living next door to me, now my husband finds an interest in her... and here comes the tears again and the pain in my chest. I have to stop typing, its killing me slowly. I had to get this off my chest though, since i cant talk to anyone around here its such a small town things would come back and create a crap storm for everyone involved. The one thing I want is to just be held, a soft kiss on the forehead and to be told im having a nightmare. I know thats not going to happen, but i wish it would. My family is too far away to just see and talk to, and my one true friend is also far away, having her own issues, so i'm at a loss. Just lost really. I cant move no $, and with the house that i cant sell, in a dinky town with no one i can trust aparently, i just dont know what to do anymore.
fallentears fallentears 31-35 3 Responses Feb 18, 2013

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I live in one of those town sweetie and guess what those ppl talk anyway no matter if u say something or not. :). 2 nd of all babe u only get one chance at this life and u don't want to spend 20 urs with a man that loves another, u just don't deserve that! If everything u say is the truth then let him see what this woman is all about! Clearly she has a short attention span and of course it's easy to want ur man cause she doesn't have to deal with all his downfalls( she leaves that for u) she gets to see him cleaned up nice for wrk and she gets to see him when he's well rested well make it a little less comfortable for them to push u in the corner and take over ur life!! And last but not least, ur daughter has to b around 10 correct?? Well if he doesn't think that this is damaging her he's sadly mistaking that and she sees u letting this happen and that's not how u want ur daughter to see what a relationship is right? U would never tell ur daughter to stay in a relationship where her man was in love with another and stil living at the house right? So anyhow I must say he sounds like a pretty decent guy to some degree cause he's not throwing u out with no money or taking ur kid and trust me I know a lot of men that wouldn't b so nice! However, like I said b4 he's gettin his cake and eating it too! U don't have to b mean about it but u sure in the hell don't have to serve him up on a silver platter and tell that ***** to stay out of ur house and away from ur kid or she won't like what she encounters next is what I say cause ur home is ur castle and no matter what ur the queen bee in that house and don't let them forget it k sweetie? Write us if u need us we will b here for u and please keep me posted if u can hun! Good luck :)

Squeek, thank you for your support, but he already knows how she is. He's worked with her for about a year and a half, and he knew about her flatbacking, he caught them and kept the secret for some time before finally telling me. Then the boss started saying they (my husband and her) were together when she finally found the strength to leave her husband and boss in the same week. I knew how her husband was treating her, and i know the old man is a bit off his rocker. He's in alot of pain and taking different meds. But, as I know all this, my husband also knows all this. We've helped her get into a better place all the way around. But with the old man accusing everyone of sleeping with someone (including me with one of my co-workers.. not happening though), he accused them the most since they were in the shop all day. They are both welders, and no one bothers them, they are right down the street from where i work, and I can drive by there any time i want, the doors are open and they are working together. I do not think that he has slept with her, but its possible its only a matter of time, or he can stick to his guns and wait until our daughter turns 18. (yes, she is 10 right now).

While no i would never let my daughter stay in a relationship like that, neither would her father. But i also dont want it to be bitter between us with her in the house. Its one of those smile and nod situations.

As far as the other woman goes, she's still nice to me, even though she knows i know. She still confides in me the problems she has with the hold man wanting to get back with her. If i were to blow the cover on this situation to their boss, it wouldnt be pretty for anyone. The "Old Man" is the Boss. My husband and her work for him. My Boss is the Old mans Son. Its an extremely tight knit group. So if the old man were to find out, crap will roll down hill, we cannot afford to loose our jobs, and he would black ball us all in this community. I've seen him black ball someone before. Granted the old man says he wont punish me because i had nothing to do with it, im sure his son wouldnt agree with me keeping the infidelity of his father a secret.

And of all this, as stated I am sleeping on the couch. My husband asked me why. I didnt think that needed an answer really, but i guess it does. I simply told him I needed to, for separation. I guess im just trying to distance myself from him at this point. Though he still wanted me to go to bed, knowing the couch isnt exactly comfy. In a way he cares still, but i dont think we can ever go back to the way things should be. But such is life.

Fallentears- theres two ways you can do this. You can either take the pain. take it and be happy with it however you can or set the world on fire. F her F him. Ruin her job, ruin his job. Show him how angry you or instead of how you will cower to anything he says. I cowered for a long time. I let my husband pick everything else, while he shouted at me, physically attacked me. Wouldnt touch me and wouldnt talk to me. I was passive for a long time. but not anymore. 2 weeks ago I blew up. It will be the last damn time someone talks to me that way. doesnt show me love or affection.

Jaded, while i could do that, that would jeopardize my job as well. In the market there isnt enough jobs to just do that lightly, and if you read my reply to squeeks, you would see that would probably affect me as well. My husband has been great to me in the past years. The only thing i can really say, is he's extremely smart, charismatic, and has a hell of a silver tongue on him, he can convince me of alot of things, but he will not force my hand, the only thing he tries to force from me is to go out and get another bf. Though my convictions will not allow me to do that. He does not speak bad to me, nor will he raise his voice or hand at me. That is something I will not tolerate. One time he told me he wouldnt cheat on me because he was afraid I'd shoot him. I think he way saying that jokingly as when we were dating, he told me someone might try to break in (a "friend" that slept over the night before), and well, when i heard someone try to take the door off the hinges i'll be damned if anyone is going to break in with me there, so i set up with my hunting rifle pointed at the top of the stairs and waiting, wouldnt you know it, it was my future hubby that broke into his own place cause he forgot his keys, he didnt want to wake me up, so didnt call or anything, but i thought it was his friend breaking in, and i was gonna scare him (there were no bullets in the gun).

I'm sorry for what you went through, and i'm glad your out of that situation. No one deserves to be treated poorly!

OMG!! I really feel for you. If you want or need someone to vent to, I'm here for you. Keep your head up, you sound like a strong person even though you may not feel very strong right now. You have been through so much it is impossible for you not to be a strong person. Hang in there.