I Hate Food!

There are so many things wrong with me, but I don't think that what I'm doing is a problem.

I lost 100lbs, first of all I wasn't't always fat. I was 119 lbs when I got pregnant but then I was forced to leave the booze and I gained like crazy. I weighed 212 when I gave birth. After I had my son, I struggled with my weight, I couldn't't lose any of it. I actually gained a few more pounds and tipped the scale at 218 lbs. I"m 4 feet 11 and a half inches tall. So that weight I carried was tremendous. In 2007 I couldn't't take it anymore and began a rigorous diet. I lost 100 lbs total. You would figure that I can't eat that much anymore since my stomach should no longer be accustomed to large quantities of food, but I can eat like if I was still 218 lbs. I seem to be an extremist. Either all or nothing. If I'm gonna cheat on a diet I might as well do it right. Since I have no control over my eating habits I decided to fast for a few months. Currently I have 12 days only drinking one glass of OJ and one glass of milk through out the entire day. I'm not hungry...I don't know if its the meds I'm taking but I feel fine. People juice for long periods at a time. So, I want to too. By the way, I've been sober since March 7, 2009, my last drink and pills were on March 6, 2009. I realized alcohol has a lot of calories, otherwise trust me, I would have jumped off the wagon head first. I don't feel anorexic or bulimic no matter what the damn therapist says. I'M NOT EATING. PERIOD! She threatens me with death, well at least my coffin won't weigh that much.

letingo letingo
26-30, F
3 Responses Mar 20, 2010

Should care less about your weight and more about your overall health and family.<br />
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As I said, they won't care about your weight if you are there for them.<br />
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There is a difference between putting on some weight for health issues than to lose weight because there is some sort of paranoia of being overweight.<br />
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In My Opinion - you will be healthier being a little bit overweight than underweight.

Thank You, I'll try to keep what you have told me in mind. <br />
I have to say even I think I'm a sick person, but I just can't stop. I don't know if your male or female, it doesn't matter but I confess that during sex with my husband I'm wondering how many calories I'm burning. Maybe it's ridiculous, but nothing seems to matter more to me that my weight.

Ask yourself this: What would happen to your child if something, eventually happened to you because of this? <br />
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Regardless of what the Dr.'s tell you or what you think, you need to keep yourself healthy, in order to be there for your kid.<br />
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While you are doing all of this, with this diet, think of your child, do they want to see you hurt or happy?<br />
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You may assume drinking OJ and Milk only during the day with no food is alright. But it isn't. You may seem fine, but in the end, no one cares how much a coffin weighs. No one cares how much you weigh. They care about your health and how you take care of yourself and family.