I Wonder Where He Is

Well, yesterday evening he came home from work.  He had the rest of the rent money.  Good.  Well, I get up this morning and he's gone. 

After almost two hours, I decide to call his brother.  No, he hasn't seen him.  There were no calls from his boss, so I'm sure he hasn't gone to work.  I called where he goes to get his gambling fix.  Nobody answered the page.  If he's there, though, He knows I called.

If he's gambled away the rent money, that's it.  I can't take it anymore.  This has been a bad problem for the last couple of years.  Gambling is his "mistress".  Only worse.  I can't compete with it. 

It wasn't as bad when we both were making good money.  Then he stopped working (a couple of years ago) and he would get hold of my money.  Thank God, not until after the bills were paid.  Then I lost my job.  For a month and a half neither of us were working.  The bills and everything got so out of control.  I started working at two thirds the money I was making.  He finally went to work and about the time I think things are going to be okay, he screws up.

My youngest daughter and her boyfriend moved back in to help us out some, but we were too far behind in the bills for their little paychecks to help us out much.  I'm facing going to jail over checks that bounced because we ended up not having the money to cover them.  Little checks, too!  $20.00, actually.  These were checks that he was supposed to have covered.

I have saved his butt out of so much crap in the past.  He said:  "It's my turn to help you and do what's right."  Apparently his idea of right and mine are totally different.

I've said it already, but I can't take much more.  We are not even a couple anymore.  We never do anything together or go anywhere together.  Everything that I fell in love with seven years ago is gone.

I think the reason that I haven't ended it "officially", is because his little bit of help is better than none.  It doesn't help our relationship at all, though.

I care for him still, I guess because I did love him so much at one time.  I used to worship the ground he walked on!  Now, it's like:  "Oh well, there he is."

Okay, I had to blow off some steam.  I don't feel much better, really.  At least I'm not as:  "about to explode" as I was when I started writing (typing) this.

silvermystics silvermystics
51-55, F
4 Responses Jul 8, 2007

i read other peoples thoughts and life stories and am starting to realise the man i love cannot be helped, i feel like i am grieving for the man i once knew. although this problem has always been there i only found out 3 years into our relationship and now 4 yrs and two kids later i am in complete depression. i feel helpless but dont want my kids father not in their lives or mine..but things are getting more miserable and deceitful by the day and the more accounts i read of other women and mens lives who live with a gambler i realise i am living a lie trying to convince myself this will ever be ok! he is 12 years older than me but i seem to have more sense in my little finger than he has ever had!i dont know how to make things good all round

It will not stop. This has been my life and my two daughters lives for 20 years. We only have what I have bought, a lot of that was sold, and I am about to lose the house I have paid for by myself for 15 years, due to the excess debt he created by using the house my parents helped me finance as an ATM. I have protected myself as much as possible by keeping my finances separate, but addicts are master manipulators. See my story I am about to tell you.

I'm going through the same thing today. My husband is MIA with our rent and deposit for and apartment were supposed to be signing the lease on TODAY at 4. And he told me was going to the gas station.....hmm I must be a real idiot. I guess all I can hope for at this point is that he wins at the boat. IT disgusts me really. He says he wants me to stay home with our two young children, but he continues to do stupid irrational things with the money we need to feed our children.

Well, he says he was looking for a lawnmower part. Who knows? He at least had the rent money. We got that paid. So there's one worry off of my mind. At least for the time being.