Battousai Ken

Anger has always been an issue with me. Ever since i could remember, my anger has gotten me in deep situations. My mom was mean as hell, especially when she was angry, but because she was the adult, it was easy for her to express her feelings and emotions. As the kids, me and my sister didnt have that privilege. My sister, at times would speak out when she was mad, and the result was a hard slap to the face or a severe strapping. Me, not wanting that would just sit there expressionless and hold it all in. When bullies would beat me up at school, i would hold it in and just cry when i really wanted to fight back. However, my mom always had me in limbo. One day she would tell me to fight back or else...another day she would beat me for trying to fight back. I remember the first time i heard 'yo momma' jokes. I didnt see it as i joke, and i would insult their mommas because i thought i was doing the right thing by 'defending' my mom. Ha my mom beat me so bad that day that to this very day, if someone would insult her, it wouldnt phase me in the least. Even though i kinda went off topic, the point is one day, my sister had pulled a prank where she doused everybodys toothbrushes with soap except mine. I woke up to my dad yanking me out the bed, belt in hand, to interrogate me. I swore up and down that i didnt do it, but that lead to me getting beat worse and worse. Even after i 'confessed' i got beat for lying. Three years later after being teased and having the incident thrown in my face, my sister came to me and said,"I was the one who put the soap on the toothbrushes". Something in me snapped, and i felt like beating the snot out of her. For the last time, i held it in but that would be the last time. I was at recess and a bully came and slapped me across the head. Laughing hysterically, I jumped up and tackled him and proceeded to slap his face like Goku did Freeza. His face was swollen like bees had stung him. Another incident is when my ex's brother tried to pick on me but i wasnt in the mood. So he shoves me into the wall and i shoved him back. When he went to punch me in the face i blacked out, and charged at him. I was so angry i starting wailing on him and it took my ex, her mom, and his wife to get me off him and these are plus sized Jamaican women. When im angry i start saying vicious things. Because of my anger, I was the only person to make my Mom cry and Im not proud of this fact. I say this out of shame and embarrassment. My Mom was hardcore and i had NEVER, EVER seen her cry. She provoked me so that i became just as ruthless. I caused my Dad who was a minister to swear and that was another shocker. I start punching holes in walls, kicking down doors, and talk differently. I remember when i ex cheated on me with my best friend, i cracked her phone and she got mad and punched me square in the face full force, but i was so mad i didnt flinch. I also get this look on my face and ive been told is a very ominous look like i will kill someone. Dont get me wrong, im not trying to make myself look badass but its because of my anger, i have lost friends and family. Im glad to say its been a while since ive had any issues. I try to say to myself and respect everyone. The best thing though is that the love of my life makes me happy and she has a kind heart that can soothe the most savage animal. I want to encourage all those with a hot temper. Dont let it control you, but you control it. Anger is a deadly poison that slowly drains your health and drives people close to you away. Love and a calm mind is the key. Thanks for reading!!
deleted deleted
26-30
Sep 13, 2012