The Knot In Your Stomach

You know that feeling you get when you really start to like someone and you're trying not to get too attached and then you accidentally fall for them and have to make a conscious effort not to be too clingy or too flirty or too jealous or too available?  I am SO jealous but about things that really don't bother me in theory.  I have to try to hide it bc I don't want to scare him away.  Then there's the whole competing for affection thing.  I'm trying to swallow that knot in my throat that I get when his ex comes up or when HE VISITS HER TO PICK UP THE DOG THEY SHARE or USE HER SPARE BEDROOM FOR STORAGE!  Or when his babymama calls.  I really want to be supportive and understanding but he doesn't like get it.  I know with the baby he's a victim of circumstance but  I feel like a guest on Springer.  He's so smart and good looking and sweet to me.  He has every quality on my list...  then he's got this past that keeps affecting the present and I don't know if I can handle it.  I even got jealous when he told me he was swingdancing with a girl last night to save her from some creep.  I don't know why he had to be the hero but I believe that's all it was and wouldn't care if I was only thinking with my head but my stupid heart keeps making me jealous and I really don't like it.  I still catch myself thinking about my relationship with my ex and about him in general and the end of our relationship.  And I keep wondering what I did wrong and how I thought we'd be together forever and he broke my heart.  UUUUUUUUUhhhhhh.
Esperanza Esperanza
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 3, 2007

I'm in a slightly different (but still similar) situation and I can really relate to that feeling you described and also trying to come off just right. That definitely is a difficult situation. In some ways, it is reasonable that we feel jealous even though it's a painful and highly uncomfortable emotion

hey, thanks for sharing your story. i've been having my own bf's-ex-related issues and it's nice to hear from someone else who has that knot. it would be even nicer to hear from someone who has a good way to get rid of it! :) i'll probably be sharing my story soon about my neurotic jealousy, just not now cause i don't wanna have that feeling in my stomach when my bf gets home with dinner in a few minutes!!!