Hate Is Not A Strong Enough Emotion To Do Real Justice Here.

My story of how religion played a big part in messing up my entire life.
 
Note: If you’re expecting a short, boring story primarily worded to vent a little hatred & anger guess again. Only part of this testimony will accomplish that.
 
Back in the early part of the 1960s, my family & everyone else around our neighborhood where quite busy worshiping this invisible holy entity called God. Our place of worship was a large white marble church simply called, “Temple of the Baptist”, located in good old Detroit. Yes, we were doing that all-important Christian thing in a strong Christian nation that was still recovering from that most devastating Korean War jazz. Yea, we sang all those meaningless hymns offered up a few sincere heartfelt prayers to this invisible loving father who inserted his sovereign authority over this earth from some magical Disney Land like kingdom called, "Heaven."  While just outside the marble walls of this joyful sanctuary, the rest of the planet’s populace experienced nothing but wicked misery spawned by decades of shameful poverty & ethnic annihilating genocides. At this point in time that most (lucrative weapons manufacturing jazz via paradise on this earth business pretense by that bloody conflict in Korea was now over... However, to the delight of the Pentagon & these same weapons manufacturers who had already cleaned up major in the Korean conflict. Those glorious killing fields of Vietnam & Cambodia were just a few years away. Even as a young child, I paid close attention to the news media’s of my day. Therefore, it came as no surprise to me when some terrible things begun to take shape over there is Asia. It came in the form of an ongoing criminally orchestrated foreign-policy blunder that couldn’t have come at a worse time, if it had been planned & executed by the Devil himself.
 
This diplomatic screw-up was primarily the work of a few self-centered evil men & one particular male of the species who we sadly referred to as our current president = J. F. K.  John was an intelligent man who turned out to be the most wicked of them all. In fact, Kennedy along with some power mad generals were more than willing to start a no-win World War III (atomic) Holocaust with Russia, Why? “Because Absolute power corrupts absolutely” Thus, via the Cuban missile crisis was just a childish miss understanding with an evil American created terrorist turned dictator who called himself Castro. Yes, we certainly locked horns with Castro's Cuba & nearly lost it all. Fortunately, our own CIA silenced John for keeps a short time later saving our country from a  World War III  in the process. Yes, God's version of Disneyland -Vietnam was now a reality & the Pentagon as well as all those superrich weapons manufacturing companies were well pleased indeed. The treasonous decision to send in those American advisers into this sovereign foreign country opened the gates of hell  thus, spawning dire misery for all the people concerned.
 
 Now while these dear people of Asian descent were being brutally tortured & put to death like helpless animals in a slaughter house, there we were singing conceded praises to our insanely jealous lord & savior Jesus no last name. The creative being who supposedly loved all of mankind like a father loves his children.  Yuck, I can't believe I just said that, for this particular individual obviously never believed it from the very start. No I was angry with God from day one; I've never forgiven him for giving mortal man the extraordinary knowledge to create atomic weaponry. It was a big mistake interfering with our planet’s culture by downloading this advanced knowledge into these evil men’s walnut size brains. We should have never been given the secret for unleashing “the positive ray”. Thus, this proved conclusively that this all-knowing imperfect being was hopelessly flawed in both logic & some genuine linear preferences obtaining to balance.
 
No, I never really understood how a God who claimed to be so good, kind & most holy could look the other way when it came to these terrible population annihilating famines & genocides...  Moreover, a God who encourages mass murder perpetrated by his own wicked Jewish followers was a bit too much for anyone to swallow... Yes, even as a young child I read that badly written holy book from cover to cover many times. Personally, found most of that Old Testament jazz most distasteful indeed too. You might say I began to doubt the righteous validity of God as a father figure. Now, as I perplexed a little hatred in my deepest inter thoughts when reading his word they soon became shallow, meaningless non-sensible phrases that quickly faded away. Shortly after coming to my own conclusions that worshiping this holy righteous character was just a waste of time, I stopped going to church & began listening to that very cool sixties music that our pastor often called, “the Devil’s music”
 Yes, one might say I became a very young rebel who constantly questioned that Bible every time I was forced to read it after completing my homework. In all actuality, I wanted no part of it for this filthy little dirty rotten sinner was now convinced that this God dude & his son Jesus no last name suffered from some severe mental disorders.
 
Unfortunately, when you have fanatic parents it’s a bit difficult to skip church when the bad mood strikes ya... One Sunday evening our pastor paid a surprise visit to our humble roach infested dump, he was obviously quite angry that I had skipped church for the last few Sunday's in a row... I don't recall his exact words in a word by word format.  However, part of the conversation was as follows.
 
Pastor Bill asked me "why I no longer felt the need to attend church services?"  I answered him in a most hostile fashion for this little boy would have truly taken on Almighty God himself if given the chance too... I told this pushy jerk of a pastor a thing or two on that day addressing everything I disagreed with in that holy book which was primarily written by a bunch of long dead Jews anyway.   Even though I didn't know much about that most confusing scripture jazz, this little munchkin spoke from the heart & with some hellish authority & told him exactly how he felt. As my family listened in sheer unadulterated horror, I shared some of my deepest thoughts openly with him addressing all kinds of things about God and his unrealistic perception of what he deemed as perfect perfection...  I told Bill flat out that I found the Bible most misleading even at times contradicting its self too. Bill forcibly stopped me at that point shouting in screaming tones, “That’s the Devil speaking son”. I replied no that’s the truth speaking Sir; you’re not willing to listen are you? Bill taking a moment to collect his thoughts told me to continue on & he would listen to everything I had to say. Just then my dog Lady a cocker spaniel puppy began to scratch furiously at something that was irritating her belly. I quickly jumped down to the floor to see what the problem was. A quick observation revealed the source. It was one of those terrible creations that we all dreaded the most. Next to those, bloodsucking murdering with malaria mosquitoes, disease carrying biting flies & parasites like lice & animal tormenting fleas? It was those fleas, the same wicked insects that had been chewing on this poor dog for days now. Angry at what I saw I turned too bill and said these exact words.
Make you’ll a deal, if you can answer this question truthfully. What’s the deal he replied? I will comeback to church if you can answer this question. Pastor Bill looked a bit perplexed for a moment then said, what’s your question son? I replied, you tell me in all honesty what terrible sin my puppy has committed against God too warrant this endlessly torture by these wicked tiny insects.  Bill quickly turned to my mother and said; Miss. Banner your son is so full of rage and hatred I don’t think I can reach him.  Before she could answer him, I raised my voice once again & said, what’s the matter Bill? Can’t answer my question it’s so simple.  What sin did this small furry animal commit against that so-called loving father God to be a subject of his judgment? Endlessly, tortured by these insects?
 
Just then my now angry mother grabbed my arm forcibly turned all her attention to me in a bit of a rage and screamed at me as though I was just an object not a person, who are you to question God? You should be down on your knees begging his forgiveness right now, what did I do to deserve such a demon possessed little boy such as you. You make me sick you little bastard I should have aborted you at birth. Shocked at what was said, I looked directly into her eyes and replied in soft tones, “Mom you know that I never take anything at face value. Like dad when he’s been drinking.  I question everything in this life including my creator too.  If you don’t like it then maybe you should let me move in with my uncle Marty. No, she replied loudly, your Uncle Marty is an unsaved evil woman chasing pervert of a man who would only cater to your evil wishes. No, son you will remain right here where we can put the fear of God in you too help turn you from your evil ways.
 
 Pastor Bill never said a word No, he just sat there looking at me as though I was the Devil himself. I turned once again to my now grieving mother and said, I’m sorry Mom I don’t think I have the kind of faith it takes to remain a Christian of this invisible uncaring God. Besides, I’m sick of Dad coming home and beating up on you every time he drinks a little too much. Now son she says softly, your father is under a great deal of pressure with that job at Ford’s & his boxing career.  At times, he tends to drink a little too much & takes out his frustrations on all of us. That’s why we must pray for him every day that the good Lord will open his eyes & show him that what he’s doing is wrong.  A few moments pasted while Bill nervously flipped through some pages of his dark black leather laced Bible. Still a bit angry I said, you won’t be able to answer me because you know as well as I do that man’s so-called sin has nothing to do with the wicked torture of this little innocent animal. I continued growing even angrier and said. My class visited a farm several months ago & I couldn’t help but feel great pity for those poor animals that were being cruelly tormented by these large horse flies.
 
 Fact, these completely innocent of any sin creatures that don’t have the intelligence to recognize this Creator for what he truly is, had dozens of these painful welts all over they’re furry bodies. Pigs’ Cows, Sheep Horses’ Ponies you name it. All itching & crying out in intense misery & pain every time another one of those wicked bloodsucking parasites landed & inserted that mouth feeding piece deep into the animals’ soft flesh. The inhumane treatment of those animals by this righteous creep who made those evil inventions in the first place told me all I wanted to know about this God and his lack of mercy for these helpless critters. At that point  Bill closed his Bible forcibly rose to his feet & walked towards the front door shaking his head from left to right saying, son you have a little too much anger in you, I’ll come back tomorrow when you’ve had some time to cool off. He then turned to my mother & said Miss. Banner your son touched on some things that I never paid much attention too until now. Then he turned his attention back to me and said in low tones, Robert I hope to see you in church this Sunday. Until then may, God truly bless this house with his abundant love. Still a bit angry I instantly stood up and shouted out these words, “Does that blessing also include all these filthy roaches too? Yes, son he replied angrily, if you want to include them, than by all means you can bless them too.  Have anything else Robert before I leave? I didn’t say a word I just stared at him with a kinda confused perplexed look on my face.  
 
Naturally, I already knew that this conversation would go nowhere. Because no matter what I said  to this brainwashed man, he kept asking the same damn thing over & over again.  "Son come; back too church & we'll talk about all this stuff in front of the congregation” Made no difference that I could care less about that church jazz now. Nope, he was more interested in protecting his precious image other than whatever my personal feelings might had been towards religion in general. Some years later I did join a movement called, teens for Christ only too reject  the whole concept after waking up to the reality of a screwed up life. Now although this pastor tried like hell too convert me back to his twisted way of thinking, I just couldn’t bring myself to worship what I now deemed "an unholy wicked monster of a God who delights in the torture of his creations"
 
To my relief months later we moved to the Florida Keys & remained there for a year or so before moving to some other city, always catering (regardless of how we all felt) too my father’s brilliant boxing career... I made a few friends only to lose them a few months later, a little something I would later regret.  Now while thousands of badly mutilated corpses of children & adults alike were piling up half a world away in God’s new greatly improved playground “Vietnam”, my own brainwashed family continued that church thing. These were most distressing times for I was now considered the black sheep of the family. Devil spawn & distant to burn internally in hell after I died. Well if that was the case, than I would consider it & unpardonable sin to bring forth any more newborn babes into this world. Raising the possibility, that (heaven forbid!) if they were to make the wrong choices in life like me, thus paying the consequences for being created in the first place. Completely logical by any standard of pure analytical human thought, tormented in unquenchable flames forever without any mercy given because they refused to accept this so-called pardon for all those so-called sins. Obviously, it would’ve been far better if these tormented souls that were now burning in hell had never been foolishly created in the first place (riders on the storm). Religion can be so weird, is there any doubt with the crudest torture as an sobering incentive that  a growing number of terrified people would flock to these super rich televangelists like mindless sheep. Even today, there they are once again in abundance packing the studios of all these religious broadcasting giants. An entire audience of  brain dead (to avoid endless torment) followers ready & willing to give everything they have in life to these clever gab gifted evangelist's who claim they have a glorious mission to fulfill before this coward of a God can return from some distant Galaxy far-far away.
 
 The big bad holy commission orchestrated by Jesus himself to reach the lost world for this most useless character who can't do anything right. Whatever it is (the creation of human race) he screws it up. This suffering Messiah character should do the work himself if he's so damn concerned about saving all men's souls.  Unfortunately, he’s a bit too lazy too do the work himself.  Therefore, he leaves it to a bunch of slick money worshiping parasites. I say this Jesus could care less about this generation of misfits or any other for that matter. After all, there will always be plenty of brainwashed Holy Spirit filled followers regardless of how many billions go directly to hell without receiving that 200 bucks for passing go.
Now you try telling that to one of those religious fanatic’s who has made countless millions off that most convenient doctrine of hellfire. Without question, when confronted by embarrassing questions, see how fast they disappear from your unworthy site. Like said earlier, I consider myself a 21st-century rebel raised in a fanatic atmosphere of brainwashing & cruelty who’s had more than enough of this empire building religious horse crab, to last him a thousand lifetimes. I've often told my former pastor many times right to his embarrassed face, that if it wasn't for that most convenient doctrine of hell & damnation your church including thousands of others all around this screwed up planet would be for the most part now quite empty.  Furthermore, these loudmouth money-grubbing heaven & hell preaching criminals would have to get real jobs. Yes, jobs that require a little blood, sweat & real tears = "Hard Manual labor" Note: a little something many of them would find most distasteful indeed.
 
 Now that I think back on all that loud obnoxious preaching  I’ve heard over the years on the boring subject of heaven, hell & all some insane judgment crap too. Just can’t help but laugh at how truly gullible I was then. An Intergalactic terrorist that’s what this holy righteous (his own twisted mind) God sounds like to me. I mean he’s ready & willing to terrorize those who choose to look the other way, like he does when one of his so-called children is being molested or worse. You talk about a king-size hypocrite here) with a thought process like this, I simply became more confused & quite rebellious especially when people of the so-called Christian faith  began calling me terrible names? Like “wicked evil trash” & refuse for the fires of Hell. How sad that these overly righteous church members many who I once thought of as friends would treat someone like that. Yes, that’s the one thing I will never understand if I live to be a 100. How could people who were supposedly filled with this Holy Ghost dude be so damn cruel? Not realizing it I had already answered my own question by remembering a passage from Deuteronomy were God commanded his twisted evil followers to stone some former neighbors to death. Yes, that book certainly advocates cold-blooded premeditated murder, vicious rapes and some X-rated child *********** too. Hell makes this holy righteous jerk sound more like a sick perverted pervert to me.
 
Back to the War
 
 Well, it didn’t take long before this most pushy God fearing nation of war profiteering bastards, was once again beating up on another poverty-stricken foreign country. The definition of this new glorious conflict?, (Thy playground of thee gods) was now in full swing.  I couldn't help but feel great sorrow for the never ending sad parade of wounded & murdered soldiers returning home after visiting that man-made version of Hell. Yes, this new war now dominated those news media's of the day.  Unlike those religious, jerks of today who would cheerfully curse these fallen men & women saying that "God loves dead soldiers", & God hate's ****", we were just the opposite. Yes, the people of my generation respected our military personnel big-time until  Communism took a strong foothold on American's naive youth. When the soldiers finely came home from that so-called police action this now radically influenced generation were more than happy to call them all "baby killers" or even worse.  There they were America's finest coming back from that mindnumbing illegal conflict over there in Asia.  Burned-out bone tired  men & women sick to death of war & that never-ending cycle of violents were sadly greeted by angry screaming crowds of hateful Americans. Now as for the dead  they returned in large & small pieces. Yes, too our further shame, these temples of the (so-called  Holy Spirit had been deliberately out of the enemies deep hatred towards us , mutilated beyond recognition by a perversely wicked Devil spawned enemy that we just couldn’t defeat no matter how hard we tried... At first, the bodies were shrouded in these dark black body bags with metal zippers on both sides... Years later as the body count approached the 50,000 mark, they came back in what looked to be run-of-the-mill garbage bags (most disgraceful to the spirit of one's service indeed). I followed that illegal conflict day by day cursing God (who had the power to stop all this senseless bloodshed over there in Asia & elsewhere but, chose to ignore it like he did when his favorite son “Hitler” was busy leveling the karma of the Jews in numerous concentration camps spread out all across Germany. Yes, just a few decades’ earlier people of the Jewish heritage had been reduced to the status of animals) Soon every story of torture & village annihilation sickened my soul, I just couldn’t stop worrying about uncle Marty and other missing in action relatives who I may never see again. This evil carnage confused my young innocent mind, for l would often wake up quite early in the morning & say these words directly to God...  Killed any Cambodian children lately you selfish egotistical bastard of a creep creator? Naturally, there was no reply... even to this day some 5 decades later with a couple foolish no-win conflicts being fought on two warring fronts, I have yet too hear a single solitary reply from God... a mouse would squeak louder
 
Things just keep getting worse
 
It was in the mid-sixties when Palm Sunday 1965 materialized in all its ghoulish glory...  At that time, I was 10 years of age when this little boy personally saw a series of tornadoes that would forever change his young opinion of life... I recall two of my dearest childhood friends who lived in a small trailer north of town. Lord, how much fun we all had playing in that yard swinging on those swings & swimming in the pool. Then I remember how sad I felt when we got the news that everyone who once lived in that small rundown trailer were now missing and presumed dead...Yes, the same kids I once played with just a few hours earlier were now casualties of this particular tornado outbreak... I still remember that most distressing tear drenched outdoor sermon, as I stood there beside myself filed with some unbearable grief...  I’ll never forget the grieving relatives & greatly concerned neighbors who were reminiscing in a most sorrowful way about the souls that had perished on that particular night of terror...
 
Later I came to the realization that the people who had chosen to live in that fragile structure didn’t have much of chance once they had been targeted by God for “extermination”   Grieving inwardly, I remembered reading the story of Job.  Yes, one particular story that fully illustrates God’s complete control over every aspect of nature...  In addition, that meant that the killer tornado which murdered Job’s entire family, was sent by God to please his best friend Lucifer as part of a sick bet... Shortly before the service concluded, I was staring at a partially damaged bloodstained cement slab where this small wooden human habitat laced with some thin sheets of tin used to stand. The only thing visible at the time of this ceremony was some flowers a few crosses a septic hookup and a couple badly twisted water pipes.
 
Now this tragedy was sad enough but, this was not the turning point for my continued vengeance against God.  Before the murder of my friends I got a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see the true evil behind this storm...Yes, on that same exact day just hours before their demise while everybody else was hiding in those basements I was outside up on top of our barn roof watching the whole thing unfold. I recall seeing the frightening blackness all around me but showed very little fear of it. Yes, for high above this pint-size storm chaser beheld an overcast sky that reflected some strange cloud- like images in it.  Now they only appeared for a brief time directly above these two identical twisters...Curiously I watched these two twisting monsters crisscross each other as they laid down a path of destruction a little over 50 yards away from me... However, the strangest thing about these particular twisters had to do with some weird images that were clearly visible right above them. Nothing really mind boggling here to report?  Just your average everyday demons, manipulating these particular twisting killer clouds like a child's spinning top.
At that point, after seeing these supernatural images, I hated God even more than I did before.
 
A reason to unfortunately believe
 
One might say I hated him from the beginning of my existence here on this earth.  Oh yes, I remember something long before I exited from my mother's womb?  Another kind of existence that closely resembled this one in a way... Another kind of reality I guess that took place in a strange white marble mammoth structure surrounded by multiple slaps of various colors & dimensions. I remember sitting there alongside a multitude of kids and strangely enough, nobody or talking just listening. Suddenly, I heard a masterful voice that spoke to my soul. Quickly stood up and walked towards a swirling vortex that looked like a multi-colored rainbow spinning at high-speed.  Without any hesitation, walked directly into the center and disappeared.  Only remember a strong clockwise spinning sensation then my thoughts as a young child of 2 later emerged.  Even revisited this place of solitude once again when I was pronounced dead after contracting a terrible form of tuberculosis as a young child of three...
Yes, as a small child of three I clinically died from a fever of 107°.  There I was once again sitting on a nice warm marble slab dressed in this white robe, while all around me an intense brightness with a presence of something or someone taking residents inside it... This now deceased child was more than happy to remain here for all eternity.  Unfortunately, against my wishes, the hospital my parents brought me too revived me using some artificial means. Hours later, I was once again part of the human race.  I remember the whole thing like most of my childhood memories, for afterwards; I was subjected to nothing but, the cruelest torture that would continue on for more than 30+ years...
 
Now perhaps you began you see why I was most reluctant at first to offer this absolutely true so help me God story to the world unedited for its incredible content... After all doesn't really matter that much in the scheme of things. For I know that nobody will ever believe this for I possess no physical evidence to back it up anyway. All I can say is that things always appear quite differently to a small child, especially when this particular child has tasted death on occasion.
 
Oh yes, make no mistake about it, the one thing I don't do is outright lie.  There is no way I can prove the other world truly exists, that is a fact that I have accepted over the years.  However, there is a way I can prove those images that briefly appeared above the twisters... You see at the time of that Palm Sunday disaster as a young child of 10 I obviously had no camera... However if digital cameras had been around back then, this little pint-size runt would have photographed some most interesting images indeed. Some hellish images, that would’ve blown everybody’s mind back then. 
 
They say lightning never strikes twice in the same place. We’ll I say from experience that’s a lie... Lightning has struck twice only separated by time & space.  Like on Palm Sunday 1965 & once again in the year 1989.  For, it was in that very special year when this wicked ghost from my past reappeared right under the watchful electronic eye of a VHS camcorder. Therefore, you see I could deny the existence of God every day for the rest of my natural life. However, I would be lying to you because I’ve seen his spiritual handiwork many times with my own windows of the soul.  Besides the 20-year-old, videotaped evidence shows conclusively that he does indeed (to my personal dissatisfaction) exist.  Sure, I've had difficulties since then going from job to job that guarantees me a dismal hopeless unproductive future... Today my life sucks because these ghosts from the past continue to haunt me. The fact that I have been attacked repeatedly over the decades is of little consequence, it’s the price one must pay when in possession of some supernatural power. Yes, I do have the ability is to discern evil entities in a severe storm then deflect that same storm or whatever tornadoes have spawned from it. Unfortunately, I’m not rich have no means to travel across this country. I was obviously given this power out of God's hatred towards me. Constantly keeping me down blocking every move I make just keep me from using this power proves that he is far worse than I first suspected.
 
Family members & a few friends alike know that the power is real indeed for in the last the 20+ years after receiving it during a most severe storm. I’ve single-handedly managed to deflect every severe thunderstorm that foolishly attempted to strike wherever I choose too live. Now believe me everything regardless of its source comes with a set of consequences, and his power I reluctantly possess is no different. This flesh creature is constantly battling these storm manipulating entities, who get their pleasure from destroying structures as well as taken many lives in the process. Each time I, battle these perversely evil invisible things without any help from above, I grow weaker & unsure of my abilities too protect my town from them. Naturally, once in awhile I’ll contact some people of the faith online to chat about certain things. Before the conversation concludes, I’m called a lost wretched evil person for even claiming to have this ability.  
 
People of a faith often tell me that these attacks on my soul are part of the price one must pay for following Jesus, confused I tell them just the opposite and they usually shut up. It doesn’t matter to them that I have been mercilessly attacked without provocation hundreds if not thousands of times over the course of just half a century. However, they do tend to strengthen me, that I must admit or I would label myself a liar worthy of that judgment jazz...Strangely enough at the center of every spiritual attack is an unhappy entity who would rather see this most incriminating evidence destroyed along with me too. Never wished to hurt anyone or anything, I’m a nonviolent person by nature. I just wanted to live my life with a shred of happiness attached to it. My only prayer was too travel across this marvelous country like a glorified storm chaser. However, this particular chaser of storms was more than willing to sacrifice everything to protect those threatened by these so-called atmospheric anomalies.  For that, I am guilty and should be sentenced as such... as for God; Lucifer & Jesus this lost soul has great difficulty separating them. I just don't know who to trust.
 
In the 1970s, my dear grandmother Lydia who raised nine children during the great Depression was diagnosed with Lou-Gering’s disease. Towards the end, the dear sweet Lady who took care of us kids lost complete control of her bodily functions. It was the most humiliating time of her entire life. I’ll never forget the great pain she suffered and humiliation that amplified by sheer hatred in God immensely. For five very long painful years, I watched her regardless of all those foolish prayers deteriorate to a vegetable like status. A short time later she was committed to a nursing home, there under the watchful eye of many nurses this inhuman torture would continue on for another 2 1/2 years. At times, we would visit her to offer some moral support. My mother always offered up in the name of Jesus some meaningless prayer and a few non-sensible words of hope & encouragement from the Bible she carried with her everywhere she went. I often heard her telling Lydia that God would heal her if she would just show him some childlike faith. Naturally, after listening too this religious crap I would be compelled to argue a point with Mom However, for my grandmother's sake, I said nothing.
 
 My mother prayed to this God & I did the opposite I prayed to this righteous clown's sworn enemy Lucifer that night. I prayed that my grandmother would die that same night and praise God's sworn enemy it happened. Yes, while that sadistic wicked incarnate monster of the God would rather see her suffer like that for many years to come, someone else answered my only prayer. That very night Lydia received an accidental overdose of morphine which quickly ended her wretched existence. This came as a great blessing to the family. However, it was just another example of God’s wicked inspired hatred toward his creations, for I knew better. Even though this woman died loveless humiliated beyond all human dignity the reason for contracting this terrible disease in the first place still escapes me. After all Lydia did accomplish something Jesus couldn’t. She lived her entire life bearing many strong healthy children while working several backbreaking jobs just to keep them all healthy at the worst time in America’s past history. Moreover, I am convinced beyond any shadow of any doubt, that if given the choice. My now deceased grandmother would have gladly traded all those heartbreaking years of suffering to later die completely humiliated in some abusive nursing home, for just a few hours on that wooden cross. 
 
 
 Before writing this short story, I felt compelled too read a few testimonies on this site many that brought heartbreak & tears to my sensitive soul... I understand their frustrations, especially with the current administration that seems to be hell-bent on stripping away all the freedoms that we now enjoy. I can relate to some drunken parents who beat their kids nonstop while this coward of a God looks the other way. I had a mean motorcycle gang leader professional boxer of a father who drank quite heavily & beat his wife senseless several times a week. I was also used as a living breathing flesh and bone punching bag on occasion too. I remember that godlike figure that I once called, father, who wound up killing my younger brother after punching him several times in the head in a drunken rage one night.  No, I’m no stranger to tragedy; I lost my best friend in a drowning incident a few years before graduating from high school. Lost several very dear Family members on one black afternoon when the small van they were all traveling in was broadsided by a truck killing everyone including the truck driver too. I remember an unwed mother of three my fiancée who just before we were to be wed was involved in a head-on crash with a fully loaded gasoline tanker. The truck exploded on contact touching off its 25.000+ gallons of gasoline. The blazing infernal which burned on for several hours after claimed her young life by reducing that mortal body to ashes. Over the years, I’ve lost every close friend I ever knew do to some senseless tragic accident or evil disease. Many of them died of various cancers I couldn't even pronounce. I've watched some of my dearest nieces and nephews out right die from these left over incurable curses? Like leukemia, spinal meningitis, MS and even cold-blooded murder.
 
Yes, I know the reason why killers, child molesters and pedophiles are not punished with death anymore. It's because we now glorified evil big-time with our liberal courts and lib judges. Hell, the news media's put these wicked killers on pedestals of praise today. (Our newest celebrities) While they're many victims, inherit deep damp cold holes in this earth. In addition, as far as those incurable wicked diseases go.  What's preventing the human race from taking a good hard look at why we have all these terrible diseases in the first place?
 
Our creator has many ways to kill & maim his little dolls. How do we really know that every heart attack was accidental and not deliberately caused to silence that person who may have had something quite negative to say about his creator? & was silence in the process.  In fact, the wicked thing who calls himself God won't even let us live out our tiny life spans without wickedly striking us down with some damn disease. What many people seem to your ignore (clever brainwashing) is that all these terrible diseases were created by this so-called loving father in heaven in the first place. Is there any doubt that I truly hate him who created all this evil with every fiber of my being?
 
 
 I’ve personally been in three rollover accidents over the years & received now a scratch or bruise.  Apparently, this righteous perfect fool missed his chance to silence the one voice that can expose him to the world. (God was out to get me, & missed)
 
God brainwashed agents on this Earth
 
 Once in a while, some brainwashed Jehovah witness darken my doorstep, big mistake indeed it’s obvious that these fools knows very little about that Bible he or she is toting around under that armpit. Naturally, at first, I am quite delightful then one of them says something that just strikes a nerve causing me to just explode with anger.  Then they get an earful a kind of explosion of words, a lesson in humility a few of them will not soon forget.
 
Yes, I tell them exactly what I think & feel about their precious God Jehovah.  Tell them flat out that their fools for following this sibling coward Jesus too. I tell them that even if there is such a thing as the rapture. This same God will at some point tire of them prompting him too eventually destroy them all in Hell. Since he makes it abundantly clear that, he will not share his glory with any thing or anyone. It makes logical sense that after many years of heavenly bless there will only be one remaining.  No, just can’t identify with these fools from my past, for I was once one of them completely oblivious to the evil all around me.  If you think this little story is unusual wait until I write my own 400 page autobiography.  In it I will describe what God & Lucifer really look like close up and personal... believe me he doesn't look like a monster from some hammer horror film either, no quite the opposite indeed...
 
No, I'm not finished yet.  I won't be until I'm 6.5 feet down
 
In near conclusion, half a century is now behind me marked with much violence & tragic death. I don’t look forward to my life anymore for I know that my mother & other family members will soon be deceased too.  It’s that tidbit of knowledge that sucks worse than anything. Yes, facing the death of a loved one is the worst pain any human can endure. I remember my stepfather who died screaming for mercy from the intense pain of this evil lung cancer that devoured his body in the end. I recall the morphine drip that practically numbed his entire body while the disease continued to devour his flesh from within.  Roger died on Christmas Day at the age of 62.  His lavish funeral complete with a $6,000 bronze casket and a little limousine ride didn’t mean a hell of a lot too me. It was just a multi-car escort to a deep cold internal hole in the ground via grave. Roger & all the other people I’ve lost over the years were simply actors & actresses foolishly created then placed here on this planet to play a part in some intergalactic play. The perfect toys created for one wicked purpose to entertain a selfish egotistical bigot of a God who has the nerve to call himself holy and just. On that, particular day so long ago Rogers’s remains went into the ground & part of me died too. Now I don’t have much respect for this God character or his son, I don’t believe it was right to punish an entire race of living breathing beings for the so-called sins of two. This creep Jesus proved himself to be most wicked to me personally.  When he told a grieving man who had just lost his dear father a few hours earlier “Let the dead bury the dead” There you have it. True attributes of God’s so-called love, mouthed off by his spoiled rotten to the very core of human ignorance son then I want nothing to do with either of them. In addition, that goes double for his silent partner in crime Lucifer too. I know that were here on this spinning piece of solar driftwood to entertain the master even if it costs us our mortal lives. Sadly speaking, this intergalactic-cosmetic entertainment extravaganza continues on century after Century. Reflecting the greatest real-life drama’s in the known universe, with the latest ones being played out in the Middle East. I can’t even imagine somebody so twisted by their so-called faith that they would purposely strap an explosive device to their body and blow themselves to pieces. It’s inconceivable that someone would be that brainwashed and yet it’s happening all over the world and once again God does nothing, I believe he enjoys all this senseless wicked violence like its some kind of universal football game.
 
 It just like, in the days of ancient Rome, when those gladiators fought in the great arena to the death.  I can see the spectacle right now in all its blood drenched glory and color.  There’s Caesar sitting on his lavishly decorated solid gold throne & right next to him some heavenly hosts watching the event from a high advantage point. This particular theatrical production lasted a total of 4.000 years. Nothing was spared as millions of innocent animals and human beings alike (slaves, prisoners, children) paid the ultimate price to entertainment God, Jesus & Lucifer first & poor Cesar last.
 
End of part (1?)
 
   
hellishot hellishot
51-55, M
1 Response Jul 18, 2010

I am leading a very reclusive life and don't like to correspond with anybody, but I feel like talking to you a few times through email, as many points that you covered are the same as I have been thinking about.

I rarely check my email, maybe once in a year, but I"ll check it after a week or so from today, i.e. 9th Jan. 2013, and if I get a reply from you within a week, I"ll respond otherwise I"ll forget that I ever wrote to you.

My email : paktradelhr at hotmail.com