Blasphemy

When I was younger I got picked on a lot, which damaged my self esteem, which in turn caused a lot of problems in my life. I did not love myself, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror! My love life was a joke at the very least. I always ended up with women who used me and hurt me beyond believe.

When was 21 years old I got tricked and became a christian. I was told that god 'feels my pain' and that 'he loves me' and 'has a plan for my life', I think we all know the sales pitch. I started reading the bible, going to church, praying and worshiping him, not because I wanted him to wave his magic wand and fix my life, but because I really believed in him. I prayed to this 'god' and asked him for help, his guidance and his love, since he himself lied and said that he is love, I really hoped that he could spare some for me.

Of course this wasn't the case. god did quite the opposite. Most of the people who were part of a lot of the damaging things that happened during my childhood are now born again christians, 'god' has blessed them with families etc etc. But does this big bully in the sky look at the people that they've hurt?? NO OF COURSE NOT!! Does he care about the pain and suffering that I still feel because of his beloved children? NO OF COURSE NOT!! But yet he still demands worship?? Wow, if he really is love, then love is a very very sick thing. But then again can you really expect help or love from someone who sends his own son to die in a very gruesome way?

A couple of years after a was 'born again' god decided yet again the TV stations in heaven sucked greatly and he wanted his shot a directing a movie, so he looked at earth, chose my life and thought hmmm how can I make this guy's life even more miserable than it is already. Knowing that I really wanted a girlfriend and eventually a family, he sent a woman. He knew that I was going to fall deeply in love with her. I prayed to mr wolf in sheep's clothing, uh-um sorry 'god', and asked him yet again for his help and guidance.

Was this part of his master plan? Did he really want this for my life? I guess that answering the question would have ruined his first movie so god was silent.
As expected god was right, I fell head over heals, and like a predator, god waited for the right moment to make his move, he then decided to sent in a drug dealer and my relationship ended, the girl I was so in love with left me for a bloody criminal! Good directing! A+++

That hurt really bad and I got really tired of all of this crap. I got depressed I started to think about suicide and I almost did so because I didn't see anyway out of this mess. But killing yourself because god does not know what good TV is, is not my style. My heart now has unrepairable damage as does my self esteem and if that wasn't enough, god decided that my health should also be subject to his divine sense of humor.
I prayed to god yet again asking him for his help, love etc etc. But no response...

After that I decided to pray my last prayer. I told him that I was done with this nonsense. I can honestly think of dictators who deserve more credit than him
A couple of years has passed since god decided to release is 'movie' and I'm still feeling the pain of it.
The only difference now is that I refuse to star in his 'movies'.

There are some positive sides to this story, I am recovering from my depression, my health is getting better and I am doing positive things in my life!

I really hope god has a stable internet connection in heaven and reads all of the stories in this group, maybe he'll change his behavior and will start making up for his screw ups, which are a lot! But then again it is said that he is unchangeable..

Thanks for reading.
meteenplan meteenplan
26-30, M
5 Responses Jan 13, 2013

I am SO sorry you had to find out about god in a way that hurt you so deeply, but then again I am not surprised. god is the ULTIMATE abuser. A deceitful, conniving evil ABUSER. I came to this realization after 40 years of being a warrior FOR god. I know. It took me a long time to catch on to his deceit. I kept trying to defend him, to justify his actions AND non-actions. Now I try to spread the truth about this monster. he doesn't care about anyone or any of his animals. All he cares about is how to extract pain and misery from every living thing. I TRULY hope your life is not ruined beyond repair and that it can somehow take a turn for the better. I hope in time your pain eases.

.My friend... God loves you...that's all...

I totally feel this guy's pain. I have been burned by Christians, pastors, and not to mention when this guy brought up the FACT that god ordered job's suffering, nobody wanted to argue that which shows meteenplan HAS A VALID POINT. What if god orders and pre-ordains all of our suffering? That would make one heck of a monster. My life has been complete h-e-l-l for the 31 years I have been aliove, but with I would say maybe 2 and a half years at the most where things were going good. But god got mad because he saw I was happy so he decided to take it away from me, that **********. It's funny how nobody wants to answer the tough questions. and it appears that people forgot about compassion now a days and just want to give TOUGH LOVE. Sorry but the bible does not say love is tough. It says kind, but I guess tough love is the new trend nowadays. I have tried to be a christian for a long time despite going through hellish circumstances, being without hope because the monster raped me of it, he sent numerous people my way to burn me and mistreat me, i have nothing to look forward to, except the day i die and get put in a body bag, i have tried to make a name for myself and succeed in life with no success what so ever, what is there to look forward to? and yet god prospers my 2 sisters with careers, new cars, and HERE, I NEED A CAR BECAUSE THE ONE I HAVE IS UNSAFE TO DRIVE! DOES THAT MAKE SENSE????
I have been assaulted at work by a former boss, i had a winter coat stolen AT WORK under video surveillance by the assistant manager and when i confronted management, they DIDN'T WANT TO REVIEW THE TAPES, I have survived severe abuse and neglect from my parents which resulted in me growing up STARVING FOR LOVE AND AFFECTION!!!! I want god dead! I want a swat team to kill him and i want to take a hammer and nails and mutilate him until there is nothing left of him!! he wanted all of these things to happen to me! and for what???!!!!!! what did i do???? as of now, i will not return to church anymore. i don't need a sadistic-pain-hungry monster in my life. that's messed up right there.

I am HORRIFIED and so SORRY these things happened to you. Unfortunately, I am not surprised. You are very insightful and already have a good idea what god is all about. I have seen life after life in SHAMBLES just because of god's inaction. god let a beautiful little 2 year old girl fall into a sewer and drown in excrement. god uses inaction as a weapon so his minions can later say he did nothing. That he is not culpable. he IS culpable. I hold him responsible for ALL the pain and misery on this earth, past, present and future. Your description of him is 100% accurate. he is indeed a sadistic, pain hungry MONSTER.

I been so fed up I have few words now, but **** him.

lol - You have found the most accurate way to sum him up with the fewest amount of words.

I have little or no doubt you did not blaim God for all the bad things that happened to you before you came to believe in God. Why then did you start blaiming God for all the bad things that happened to you after you believed in God?

Bad things happen in life no matter if you believe in God or not. What God does for me is give me the strengh to face the troublies in my life.

Hello Adstars,

Thank you for replying. I started blaming god because it became obvious to me that he:
a) he doesn't care about me or the pain and suffering I went through.
he is in my opinion very selective when it comes to helping people and that's very obvious in my life.
b) I was told in church that I should cry out to god and give all my problems to him and trust that he knows best etc etc. So if I then give my problems to him and he simply returns them with a little bit extra, I blame him.
c) If he claims to be the author of life then I can blame him for the bad things that happen. No one asked him to create life, that was all his doing, thus the bad things are also part of his 'master plan'.
d) I agree with you that bad things happen in life whether you believe in a god or not. But if he created life, I feel that I can blame him for the bad things in it. I call it poor design.
e) It's almost as if he enjoys human suffering, take for example Job in the bible, god had no problem with Job's suffering, he in fact ordered it!

I hope this answers your question.
Thanks again for replying and have a nice day!

if you want to know god you look at his son, who is the expresss image of his person, we have the new testament, current history, god so loved yu he gave you his son, he has the life, honey you are loved and blessed and healed and god is the only one who loved us enough that he reached out and saved us from evil, jesus shows us that god heals the broken hearted, he lifts the sinners, he dries tears, he came to do that , not to condemn you, john 3 17 tells us that,
2Pe 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

Oh i know your thinking and i know it’s faulty. No matter what troubles we face we only face a lifetime of them. One day they shall come to an end. God made humanity good but with the option to chose the path of suffering, When humans chose to adopt the knowledge of Good and evil they cursed themselves to a life of troubles. You see if God wanted to create free willed beings He had to allow them the option to rebel but even then God had a way to reconcile humanity and that is via the atonement of the Messiah Jesus. God shall restore a perfect existence in eternity for those who trust in Him. This life is short compared to eternity that it really cannot be compared to eternity. People have to gain a proper respective of just how short life is.

One thing i know, i am far more able to face the trobles of this world because i have hope in eternity. What do you have meteenplan? You face the same troubles and shall do so without hope. How does your hate of God improve your situation? Not at all, it makes things more bleak.

All Praise The Ancient Of Days

Hello Adstars,

again thanks for replying.

Oh i know your thinking and i know it’s faulty.

Well thanks for pointing that out. :-)

No matter what troubles we face we only face a lifetime of them. One day they shall come to an end.

Indeed, one day we'll die. off>

god made humanity good but with the option to chose the path of suffering, When humans chose to adopt the knowledge of good and evil they cursed themselves to a life of troubles.

Let met ask you this Adstars: Were Adam & Eve willing to obey god's command? It is only after the first lie was spoken that Eve started sinning and dragged Adam into her sin. Please note that before the lie, they didn't eat from the tree of knowlegde of good and evil. (check your bible for yourself) And also note that Adam & Eve never heard a lie before. As the capable designer that he is off>, shouldn't god have warned Adam & Eve about lies & deception?
So in this case he might intended humans to be good, but he also sent someone (the snake) to trick them. Tell me is this a good action or a act of love?
You might think so but I beg to differ.
In light of Adam and Eve's sin, is it fair that humanity suffers for their mistake? Really is it fair? Perhaps you might think so but I beg to differ.

but even then god had a way to reconcile humanity and that is via the atonement of the messiah jesus. god shall restore a perfect existence in eternity for those who trust in him.

I wonder if god will leave out the tree of knowledge of good and evil this time. What makes this time so special? Is it that after millions and billions deaths, pain, suffering, sickness etc he gets to start all over again? If he was love like it said in the bible wouldn't it have been more efficient to start over again right after Adam & Eve's mistake? After he started over will he have the audacity to say yet again that it's good. Will there be a choice between good and evil? And if so isn't it a continuation of is previous creation, a loop if you will? And on that note how can there be good if there's no evil?

This life is short compared to eternity that it really cannot be compared to eternity. People have to gain a proper respective of just how short life is.

Everyone knows life's short, earthly life can seem like an eternity when you suffer a lot.
Take for instance Job, Job according to the bible was a good man, why did god listen to the devil/satan and let him afflict pain and suffering on Job?
And don't say it was to test him. If you are all knowing there is no need for a test. Ask yourself is this a act of love? Really? Would you do the same thing to your children? I really hope not!

One thing i know, i am far more able to face the trobles of this world because i have hope in eternity. What do you have meteenplan?

I have MY free will and the power to change my life, not because your god says so but BECAUSE I SAY SO! I have the support and love from my family and my loved ones and that make life great.
I understand that your faith in god works for you, but understand that humans can find fulfillment in many ways without god.
I'm sure that you think otherwise, but for me this works and it works better then when I had my faith in your god.
You said yourself you are more able to face your problems with your hope in eternity, so it is not impossible to face them without said hope.

Hello again meteenplan
"Let met ask you this Adstars: Were Adam & Eve willing to obey god's command? It is only after the first lie was spoken that Eve started sinning and dragged Adam into her sin. Please note that before the lie, they didn't eat from the tree of knowlegde of good and evil. (check your bible for yourself) And also note that Adam & Eve never heard a lie before. As the capable designer that he is off>, shouldn't god have warned Adam & Eve about lies & deception?"
Adstars reply:
Simple fact is God told them not to eat it or they would die. They chose to believe satan. Yes God allowed satan to lie to them. But in the end they decided to believe satan and disbelieve God and they ate and they where cursed. They had their choice whom they would believe and they made their decision.


"So in this case he might intended humans to be good, but he also sent someone (the snake) to trick them. Tell me is this a good action or a act of love?
He allowed satan to make the attempt."

Adstars reply:
Do you not understand that satan with the support of 1/3rd of the angels where claiming the right to godhood? God has to give satan the chance to prove he is worthy of godhood and that Yaveh the God of Abraham is unworthy. Thus God created the universe as a stage for the controversy to be resolved. God could have just used His might and power to stop satan but then God would just be a ruler through might and power. But God being Just needs to be seen as justified as being the one and only God of all existence. So He gives satan a reasonable range of action within Gods creation.

"In light of Adam and Eve's sin, is it fair that humanity suffers for their mistake? Really is it fair? Perhaps you might think so but I beg to differ. "
Adstars reply:
Is it fair that the children of Ukraine and Byelorussia suffer for their grandparents decision to build nuclear reactors at Chernobyl, where a reactor went critical and blew up contaminating the countryside for generations causing their descendants to suffer from radiation induced birth defects and cancers? No. But it is a fact of life people suffer from the poor decisions of their parents. So the descendants of Adam and Eve suffer from the poor decision of Adam and Eve until satans claim to godhood has been defeated and God Redeems humanity from the curse.

"I wonder if god will leave out the tree of knowledge of good and evil this time. What makes this time so special? Is it that after millions and billions deaths, pain, suffering, sickness etc he gets to start all over again? If he was love like it said in the bible wouldn't it have been more efficient to start over again right after Adam & Eve's mistake? "
Adstars reply:
Who said we would be starting out again? We may still have the knowledge of Good and evil in eternity but we shall be made perfect so as to be able to handle that knowledge of Good and Evil. Once again the entire plan of God has to be worked out over the generations until satan is defeated and God is justified in the minds of all existence.

"After he started over will he have the audacity to say yet again that it's good."
Adstars reply:
Yes it shall be Good again. No audacity needed to state the truth.

"Will there be a choice between good and evil? And if so isn't it a continuation of is previous creation, a loop if you will? And on that note how can there be good if there's no evil?"
Adstars reply:
We shall be transformed to be able to choose the Good over the evil. We shall be able to be Good and only Good forever.

"Take for instance Job, Job according to the bible was a good man, why did god listen to the devil/satan and let him afflict pain and suffering on Job?"
Adstars reply:
If you read the story satan claimed that Job was only trusting in God because God blessed Him. Job was honoured by God to face severe persecution for His faith in God and in the end come through it. Job is symbol of the entire world as we also face persecution from satan. It is an honour to be accounted worthy to face persecution because of ones faith in God. But we only face it for a lifetime and we know we have victory over satan. It is an honour to take a part in the victory over satan.

"And don't say it was to test him. If you are all knowing there is no need for a test. Ask yourself is this a act of love? Really? Would you do the same thing to your children? I really hope not!"
Adstars reply:
No it was not a test. God knew Job and boasted to the Angels of his faith. Once again this was all a part of the eternal controversy being played out on the stage of earth. Look beyond the universe, beyond time, beyond this dimension.

"I have MY free will and the power to change my life, not because your god says so but BECAUSE I SAY SO! I have the support and love from my family and my loved ones and that make life great."
Adstars reply:
I have my free will also, I choose to embrace the will of God. All your family and loved ones will die. They cannot support you eternally, they cannot support themselves eternally. Only Jesus can.

"I understand that your faith in god works for you, but understand that humans can find fulfillment in many ways without god."
Adstars reply:
But you will never have eternal fulfilment without God. This life is so short. Why not gain fulfilment in both this life and eternity?

"You said yourself you are more able to face your problems with your hope in eternity, so it is not impossible to face them without said hope."
Adstars reply:
As you get older and the reality of your own death cannot be pushed aside any more you will find your words and attitude will console you less and less. Indeed the things you say fulfill you in this life will do so less and less.

All Praise The Ancient Of Days

Hell Adstars

Quote:
"Simple fact is god told them not to eat it or they would die. They chose to believe satan. Yes god allowed satan to lie to them. But in the end they decided to believe satan and disbelieve god and they ate and they where cursed. They had their choice whom they would believe and they made their decision."

Reply:
I get that god told them not to eat from the tree. The point I'm trying to make is that Adam & Eve were happy to obey. And since Adam & Eve never heard a lie in their life, let alone a talking snake, isn't it unfair that god did not to warn them about lies and deception? he was quick to comand the not to eat from the tree but a warning about the upcomming danger named satan was not given, Maybe if he did, Adam and Eve did not curse creation with original sin, but we can never know for sure.
However the question was Adstars: Is it an act of love, to allow your creation to be lied to, causing them to suffer and die, including their offspring?

Quote
"Thus god created the universe as a stage for the controversy to be resolved."

Reply:
Ok, so you're saying every war has it casualties? In a human war I can understand this to be the case, it's not good but I can understand it.
But in the case of a god, who claims to be love etc. I can not. People are suffering because of his need to be justified over generations!

Quote:
"god could have just used his might and power to stop satan but then god would just be a ruler through might and power. But god being just needs to be seen as justified as being the one and only god of all existence. So he gives satan a reasonable range of action within gods creation."

Reply:
Yes he could have stopped satan and spared billions of lifes in the process! Instead he chose to be 'justified as the one and only god etc etc.' which takes, according to your words, generations to complete, thus suffering, suffering and more suffering. Tell me how is this just?

Quote:
"Is it fair that the children of Ukraine and Byelorussia suffer for their grandparents decision to build nuclear reactors at Chernobyl, where a reactor went critical and blew up contaminating the countryside for generations causing their descendants to suffer from radiation induced birth defects and cancers?"

Reply:
This is indeed terrible, but the difference between your example and god is that the people who build the reactors at Chernobyl never demanded worship or did this to be jusitfied as the one and only reactor builders. The people that build the reactors made a terrible mistake and people are suffering from it, however, there are humans that setup projects to help the afflicted not in the afterlife but in this life, where their suffering occurs. When god makes a mistake (the snake, the tree of knowledge of good and evil, satan) he does not admit his mistakes or tries to fix hem, instead he let's billions of people suffer for it only because of his need to be justified.... But I'll grant you this, he said one day it will be over.... only question is when and how much lifes should suffer before he decides to resolve this eternal controversy?

Quote:
"But it is a fact of life people suffer from the poor decisions of their parents."

Reply:
Here I can agree a little bit; If god is our heavenly father, then people suffer from his poor decisions, not Adam and Eve's. Adam and Eve's sin is a result of his choises, think about it, if there was no tree of knowledge of good and evil, there would be no original sin. Ditto for the snake part of the genesis story.
It was his decision to plant the fabled tree in the garden of Eden isn't? It was his decision to bring in the talking snake isn't it? So people suffer from his decisions!

Quote
"Who said we would be starting out again?:

Reply:
Just my assumption. I honestly thought that creating/restoring a new, perfect existence equals starting out again...

Quote
"It is an honour to take a part in the victory over satan."

Reply:
I'll take not suffering over suffering in a heartbeat. Never asked nor chose to be part of his 'just' war.

Quote
"If you read the story satan claimed that Job was only trusting in god because god blessed him."

My point exactly, god casts out satan, curses him, then allows satan to rerturn to heaven and gives him an audience? A lot of times I hear people say "god knows your heart", so in this case god must have known Job's heart. god could have said to satan you are in error, however, he yet again allowed a good man to suffer. This (to me) isn't about Job being hounered by god because of his severe suffering, to me it's about the obvious, god yet again allowed man to suffer even though he could have prevented it and this case knew that the claim that satan made was false.

Quote:
"Once again this was all a part of the eternal controversy being played out on the stage of earth. Look beyond the universe, beyond time, beyond this dimension."

And humans are gods collateral damage. Doesn't this make god look slightly caddish. The reason why I don't say it's satan collateral damage is because satan was created by god it's not the other way around.

Quote:
"But you will never have eternal fulfilment without god. This life is so short. Why not gain fulfilment in both this life and eternity?"

You know this only by faith, (well except for the life is so short part) and if god fails to provide me with fulfilment in this life, why would he do so in the afterlife/eternity? That takes faith, and I don't have faith in him.

Quote
"I have my free will also, I choose to embrace the will of god. All your family and loved ones will die. They cannot support you eternally, they cannot support themselves eternally. Only jesus can."

Reply:
How dow you know this? Is it a fact or do you know this by faith? But I agree with you one thing, my family and loved ones will surely die, all humans do, even you Adstars.
But if jesus/god fails to support me in this life why would he do so in the next one/eternally?

Quote:
"As you get older and the reality of your own death cannot be pushed aside any more you will find your words and attitude will console you less and less. Indeed the things you say fulfill you in this life will do so less and less."

Reply:
Are you a soothsayer? How do you know that the things that fulfill my life will do so less and less? If your answer is based in faith (whether it is by hearing 'the word of god', reading the bible etc.) then you do not know it, you believe it. And yes the reality of my own mortality can not be pushed aside but that's life, people come into this world and leave it, it's as simple as that.

Final thoughts:

I understand and repsect the fact that you have faith in your god. I've lost my faith in him because of a lot of reasons. I'm not looking to start trusting your god again, but like I said, I respect the fact that you do. I also respect the fact that you've taken the time to reply to my comments and if it is that you wanted to impart hope through your comments, I thank you for that, I still disagree with said statements, but I respect the fact that you've tried. I shows that you have a good character.
If I may sound sarcastic, bitter or even disrespectful towards you, I apologize, I didn't mean to rub you the wrong way. It's just that my experiences in life make me somewhat bitter towards your god, but I can assure you that I didn't mean to insult you.

So again thanks for replying and have a wonderful day!

You are INCREDIBLY insightful. Your words are exactly how I feel about god and his celestial stacked deck. You NAILED it!

Just for the record it should be Hello Adstars instead of Hell Adstars!

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