Lost, Nobody Left...

All my life I have tried to be as mindless as all the other people that blindly believe in a God, but I cannot put myself to the task of just trusting him... How can I trust someone that is believed to be the most forgiving person ever when he sends all the people that don't believe in him to hell... that isn't  the description of forgiveness in my dictionary. People tell me "god loves everybody, but why should he save those who don't want to be saved". That's what they say... I can't believe my own ears... so he is the embodyment of love but he lacks the love to save those who don't love him... I thought love was meant to be given unconditionally... and that's not it, and let me phrase this in a nice way.... "wouldn't you save your son if it was addicted to the most terrible drug in the world (the drug is hell)". I think a lot of humans would say yes, if not all... does that make humans more kind then God ? perhaps....



And whenever I feel up to the task to search for answers, all I get back is more questions and disapointments... I feel like I should give up, stop thinking about him... but that's the thing... I CAN'T !!! I can't seem to stop thinking about him... it's like he's tormenting me, and I don't even wanna believe in him !!

it has gotten so bad that I act all nice and social on the outside, deep inside i'm a mental wreck that's feeling hollow... I don'tknow what my purpose is, I don't know what my problem is and I don't feel like there is any HUMAN who can help me or cure me... I feel lonely... sure, I have family, but I cant discuss it with them, they'd  just tell me to have faith and then they'd just turn around and watch tv like they always do... and my friends, well, lately I don't  see the point in my friends anymore... every single one of them I dislike a lot and they seem to like the things I hate... so why are they my friends ? I lack better one's, and they aren't here, where I live...

I feel like i am slowly starting to lose it, the last couple of weeks i've caught myself speaking to myself... and I look in the mirror sometimes for very long, untill I stop seeing my own face... I don't know how it's possible, but I can do it... yippy right ? and I don't know why i'm doing it, I am not that insane yet... I hope...

mmeibos mmeibos
18-21, M
1 Response Feb 22, 2010

I hate god. God cannot be trusted. In my life I have seen God become useless. I have learned as God has singled me out. A Satanist is a selfish Christian. I do not agree with any of you. We would be better without all you bastards.