Possibly Irreversible Damage

I DESPISE men who abuse women, as well as women who abuse men.  There is no valid reason or excuse for purposely breaking another human being down to the point of irrevocable physical damage that will last a lifetime, or causing them emotional, mental, and spiritual chaos that renders them irrepairably self - conscious and left scrutinizing every other human interaction they explore for signs of trouble.  To those of you that feel it's okay to hit a woman(or man):  You are forever altering who they are as a person.  You are breaking them down to a point where they no longer even trusts THEMSELVES.  You are ripping them apart, bit by bit, and leaving them devastated and struggling to begin again.  You are DESPICABLE, LOATHSOME creatures that deserve nothing short of what you've provoked in the people you've harmed.   May God have mercy on you.................
januarygirl januarygirl
31-35, F
45 Responses Mar 8, 2011

Thank you so much for making this story public there are so many of us scared and hiding the truth - not knowing where to go or who to talk to watching everything dissapear money etc, and after loss of one eye and a very strange tear in my right ankle that i seemed to wake up to i just wonder what i have gotten into and now am almost totally dependent and that sucks it took about 2 years to wear me dowm to where my life is on hold- i just want it back--bless you dear!

You're so very welcome, sweetheart. You don't have to live in fear and hiding, and you can change your circumstances. It won't be easy, but it's most certainly possible. I wish you the best of luck, and if I can ever help in any way, please don't hesitate to ask. :)

Said what i think sweetheart! Distrust myself and any man now after him. I don't hate him, but the damage he has done will follow me forever. Was once a cheerful, loyal, faithful person, full of joy and love to give away, now i live depressed, feeling i don't deserve to be happy and that i don't deserve a good life.

to januarygirl and all the the other women that have been abused by men all i can tell you is GOD will heal you in time and he will always be with you before becomming fire chief i was in law and the it sucks and they slap em on the hand and let em out before the ink dries on the report i think any man that hits beats or does perment damage to a lady should be taken out to a whipping post hands tied and he should be flogged till the hide comes off his back yes i know they say thats crule punishment ?? thats whats wrong with the law today sex offenders i think they should be casterated for any sex crime ?? well any way ladies my prayers are with you and may GOD bless all of you and may you find peace in your lives again and may your wounds heal .

I was stabbed and robbed by one partner and robbed again by the one after that, I now have no trust in women at all. I am stll coming to terms with the fact that I didnt lash out when stabbed. Its still doing my head in. I totally agree with you though no man should raise his hand to a woman, but the fact is it did scar me because I didnt protect myself, does this make sense?

I fully agree with you.....They are despicable.....Someone should show them what it feels like......I'd be happy to having been through a lifetime of abuse myself.....You are a strong person.....

thats somewhat hypocritical if you dont like what someone is doing dont wish it upon them! even if they deserve it

It isn't hypocritical.....They need to know what it feels like to be bullied....Then maybe they wouldn't be a bully themselves...

I too have been a victim of abuse for the last 12 yrsof the 16 we have been together and just a few days ago she went totaly off and pilled a gun and put it to my head and threatened to shoot our 14 yr old daughter in front of me .The cops showed up due to the smartness of mydaughter to call 911 and have it on speaker for them to here what was happening she has went to jail and is faceing many charges and looking at life with out or leathel injection .she has abused us and cut me in my nether regions many times and even inserted a bamboo chop stick in my hoo hoo and she took my daughters virginity by inserting things into her at a young age and threatened her with death if she told. I am just now getting to see what really was happening to me as that I didn't deserve it. I still think that some of it was my fault some times but I will survive some how.I have no knowalage of any battered men support groups in Arkansas but I am glad that there are many people here that understand. Any one that has to abuses another to feel like something is really nothing and I hope she gets the maximum that the law allows.If you need to vent sis I am willing to listen.

I hope she gets death......But that is too lenient for what she did to you and your daughter....It's horrible to be abused but worse as a child....Your daughter couldn't defend herself if she wanted to....She should be chained and tortured...

You will make it though 'cause you're both survivors!!!! And that evil woman can't hurt anyone now :-)


Thanks for your comments, HeartWings2011. I am with you all the way, sister!! I think there are various reasons behind the abusive actions of others, though NONE of them acceptable or excusable. And you never need to "shut up" in a thread to one of my stories, sweetie! Feel free to say what you think and feel. ♥

After reading your post and comments It saddens me that in an enlightened society we still have these wife/husband bashers and as with chronimax I abhore violence and think it is childish,something that I left behind when I left the school playground,However if I come across any of my female friends on recieving end will defend them,also will defend my male friends but by more lesser physical means(restraining) but not sure if you have this problem in USA as we have in UK is teenage children abusing parents especially Mums This has got to be brought to attention of all and stopped but how I'm not sure,any one got any ideas.

Im sure you all have seen the movie...The Burning Bed? Sometimes women just get fed up with the abuse as well as men and this is what happens. I feel so sorry for men and women who endure Domestic Viloence! Januarygirl,I feel your pain although I haven't experienced abuse. I feel that women's spirit can connect with each others in situations like this. I can and will say IM SORRY which I know doesn't constitute what you went through. Thanks for your time!

Thanks for your sweet remarks and support, OtherGuy. My abuser was, indeed, a deeply troubled individual with mental and emotional wounds from his own past that he chose not to address or seek help to heal. And that is a chapter in my life that may be referenced from time to time as needed but is ultimately closed, thankfully. Hugs back!

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my story, amitsingh. Thanks also for your kind words regarding us women, sweetheart!

Thanks, richa, sweetheart. I'm sorry you had to endure ANY amount of abuse. God bless you as well, my friend, and thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on my story, sugar. Love & Hugs!

Thankyou janyuarygirl for having read that,and I am no Leir. lier...funny word actually.. a wonderful beltane to you,soon. shes coming on the 5th this year. Stay strong,stay you.

Awww, thanks babydoll!! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my story. Many blessings to you, as well! :)

My friend, RIGHT ON! And may God bless you!

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my story, jockhammer. I'm sorry that your family also fell victim to the cycle of abuse, made worse by the abuser being your own father. No one should ever have to fear another human being in such a manner, least of all a member of their own immediate family. Abuse affects everyone deeply, and in different degrees and manifestations. Hopefully your brother can one day heal and find peace. I commend you for striving not to continue the cycle of abuse by abusing others, as so often occurs. However, it saddens me that in your case the cycle took another direction which resulted in you unconsciously choosing women that dealt out the same abuse you endured at the hands of your father in your youth. Please remember that NO ONE, you included, deserves to be abused physically, verbally, psychologically, or in any other fashion!! You are worthy of a kind, respectful, loving relationship, as we all are. Loyalty, love, and justice are worth fighting for, sure. But also, they are elements that shouldn't HAVE to be fought for, ideally. They should be freely offered and readily accepted. And not to worry, my friend - those repulsive, vile creatures masquerading as human beings will get what's coming to them......karma will see to that. In the meantime, do your absolute best to ensure that you are the recipient of what YOU deserve, and don't sell yourself short, sugar!! Hugs!! :)

my father Physically and psychologly abused my mother my brother and myself until he died when i was 17. My mom got over it well and has recovered.My brother is a walking self implosion and never recovered at all. I became a monster in my youth and will never forget all the pain I caused others in my reckless pursuit of absolution and revenge. However in all these years i have never hit a woman or a child out of rage.I do tend to end up with abusive women though. There are things worth fighting for,Loyalty,love,justice. but i agree with you,weak people who compensate for their lack of self esteem by torturing others should be put in the wicker man and burnt.

Great ex<x>pression of the damage caused. well done. hope that someone who's done it, or considered it reads these wise words. Was also nice that you included men as victims. Happens a lot more than people think... :O)

Thank you, Marji. You are a truly beautiful soul, and I feel so blessed in having met you. :)

Marji, I have an immense amount of gratitude and respect for you! Once again, I want to thank you for your time spent revisiting my story to offer your strength, hope and inspiration, despite scarecely knowing me. It truly means a great deal. I'm so glad that you discovered your awesome man who treats you deservingly, and he in turn found you,an amazing treasure to be valued, cherished, and protected. What a blessing! <br />
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That is funny, Marji! Strange coincidences are forever ocurring within the various threads of my life!! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my story, sugar. I am easily able to capture the essence of emotions here because I experienced them, and sometimes still do. After the constant torment I suffered through for 5 long years (seemed like 25) and since escaping that violent whirlwind, I'm able to see daily the magnitude of how I've been affected. While still living through the Hell, I thought mostly of the piercing physical pain that plagued me daily. Now that I'm no longer in that situation, I notice all of the other damage that remains like open wounds. I'll notice here and there how I second guess myself at times in my interactions with others. Beginning a new relationship and examining it for the signs I missed the last time around that should have been red-flags indicative of violent proclities, rather than just enjoying it. Seemingly small things that aren't really so small cumulatively. And I wonder....Is all of that reversible? Is any of it? Will I ever be capable of completely regaining the same sense of confidence I once had in myself and others? Will there come a time when there isn't a nagging fear in the back of my mind that my relationship will abruptly turn acidic and frightening as that one did? I'm not postive, but I think so. I think that with love, compassion, and patience from the right man, that damage can be eradicated. :)

You've got that DAMN right, AnotherTry!!! He is rather an insecure, spiteful little boy masquerading as a man.

Any man that touches a woman ISN'T a man.

A wise one you are, mystikRage. Without doubt. That has been my experience as well. All things done in darkness are eventually brought to light. Until that time arrives though, with each lie told it becomes increasingly difficult for them to keep up with the tangled web they're weaving.

Ah, mysikRage you're a wise woman indeed. All of what you've said is so very true. I do understand the behind - the - scenes psychology involved actually, though it made the situation I was in no easier to deal with. "Corrupted by a false ego, unable to say sorry..." How right you are! That perfectly captures the essence of abusers. Fervently intent on maintaining that facade of power and control and trying desperately to convince both us and themselves of it, they dare not apologize.

I'm sorry you had to experience violence, Hellsbitch11, especially at the hand of your own father! That's despicable. Your parents should love and accept you no matter your sexual preference or choices in life. Thank you for reading my story, and for sharing your own!

Aw, thanks, my groovy friend! Oddly enough, though I am a pretty decent writer, this was not really thought out at all. I was fuming about it, and sat down at the computer with it spilling out of me. It wasn't until I finished that I went back and actually read what I'd written. I am healing and moving on, for sure; and so very thankful for my friends like you here!

Thanks for the post J-gal. Nicely written. You hit a nerve with:... ripped apart, bit by bit, and leaving them devastated and struggling to begin again. Glad to see you healing, and moving on.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story, AllisonMarie77. I'm grateful for your well wishes, and for you sharing your experience with abuse with me, as well. You're exactly right, darlin' - no one deserves it - not me, not you - NO ONE. I'm away from the situation itself completely, and just working through residual pain, emotional and mental scarring, etc. I'm so glad to hear that you escaped your horrible circumstances also, and went on to find the man of your dreams! Congratulations, sugar! :)

Thanks for saying so, tnta69. I truly appreciate your kind comments!

Wow U R wise beyond U'r words Baby , Glad U got U'rself on A path 2 stranthing recovery ! !

No, you never do, Not a single, solitary instance. You comment on my every comment, you're there for me always. You are now a part of everything I do whether you see it or not.

I am too emotional to be writing right now! I may let thinvs go by, but I hate when I do. I desire greatly to be a part of what you do!

LOL. You are a true prince. I mean that. You don't let a single thing go by unnoticed, do you? It's not at all weird. It's enormously sweet and chivalrous!

Wtf... Damm. Januarygirl I think the first thing I am going to do for you when I visit your house is sweep your floor for you! I just am! Weird I know, but I am!

Thanks, 2pclog! The minds of such people cannot BE understood, for they are ill, twisted, and demented. Anyone that will grab the broom you're using to sweep with from your hands and strike you repeatedly for 5-10 minutes with the handle while you plead for cessation and howl in pain like all of Hell's hounds has a thought process unlike that of our own, beyond understanding to any but his own filthy, repulsive kind. Thanks so much for your friendship, support, and hugs.

Ah, the damn phone company, with whom I'm still battling with.... I said I'm a determined woman who knows and gets what I want. I neglected to mention that I find it near impossible to accept "No" for an answer and will persist and persevere. Lol.

Thank you for sharing J-girl......I can not began to understand the mind that could or would hurt any woman...especially one as caring, loving, smart and fun as you are.....HUGS to you!

Hell yeah it has! How did you put when talking to the phone company?

Indeed, I have, Bob. It has rendered me a stronger, wiser, and more courageous person, and like Nickleback says : Never Again.

Thank you, sweetness. I appreciate your kindness. Have you also endured violence in your life?

Thanks for reading my story and commenting, FeasibilityStudy. I always value the feedback of your bright intellect!

Thanks for commenting, sweetlittlewife. I suffered through an abusive relationship for 5 Hellish years, and all of what was written is from personal experience. I'm working on writing up the whole tale with hope that it will be therapeutic for me and possibly help someone else who is struggling. It will be posted within the next few days.

And yet here is a lady that shines so bright after being through such abuse. I think you have a beautiful testomny to share. Because of what you have been through and how beautiful of a mind you are!