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As a 14 Year Old Teenager, I Hit a Girl :(

True confession that I am not proud of, but I can only chalk up to experience.  I was 14 years old and there was a neighbor girl, also 14,  who was screaming at me, making a scene in front of my friends.  I forget what started it, but she was letting loose pretty good and her face was within inches of my own, calling me fa***t...etc.  Without thinking, I smacked her on the side of her face and she ran home crying.

The next day, in school, boy did I pay the price.  I had about 6 different guys threaten me in school.  Later that afternoon, a kid got in my face, punched me first, and we brawled in the hallway.  We exchanged punches and within seconds a few teachers broke it up.  Shortly afterward, I was sitting in the school office with the other kid sitting on the other side of the room.  The police came and asked me if I wanted to file charges against the other kid, especially since a teacher had heard earlier that some kids were threatening me.  So, here I was, my face had some minor cuts from the kids ring, I was jumped in the hallway by this kid who clearly wanted revenge for the girl. 

At age 14, I realized right there and then how completely foolish and wrong I felt for smacking the girl the day before.  At age 14 it dawned on my just how vulnerable the girl was and regardless of what she said to me, I needed to just let it go....

To this day, I remember telling the cop "no, I won't press charges, I had it coming and I deserved it".

25 years later I have never since put an aggressive hand on a woman, nor have I threatened to.  When those situations have come up, I remember how foolish I had felt on that day at age 14 and I simply walk away.  I may argue my point, but it has not and will not come to my using force against a defenseless woman.

InTheNameOfLove InTheNameOfLove 36-40, M 71 Responses Jun 9, 2008

Your Response


In my opinion as a female... The ONLY time it is ok to hit a woman is if she hit you like a man first. At the point, if you have tried to walk away, or get out of the situation then you can hit her back. But at 14 cause she was making you feel bad in front of your friends, that is so weak *** ****. But at least you learned something from it and hopefully other people will too. Thank you for your honesty in sharing your story though.

I've been there too. Honestly I'm disgusted that I did that, but I have long since made it right, and have most definitely learned from it.

You cannot control the actions of another person, you can only control your own. How you respond to a threat is up to you, but I would suggest gauging your response in relation to the gravity of the threat. If there is an imminent threat to something like your physical well-being, you must try to determine how far your attacker will go and make certain you incapacitate them, avoiding physical harm **if possible.** This can only be ba<x>sed on your own life experience. Then you can respond accordingly, and with moral purity. When seconds count, more mistakes are likely in judgment. We develop our reflexes ba<x>sed on how we learn to interact with the world around us. That is why awareness is very important rather than getting wrapped up in emotion. Commit to logic and reason and you will keep your clarity.

Only joining the conversation quite late, I made have been usurped by other speakers. But here is tuppennyworth...<br />
<br />
I have a certain threshold on smacking anyone who is offering me physical violence - being tiny, I always try to joke my way out of it, with moderate success. However, if a woman was trying to repeatedly hit me, kick me and generally trying to inflict damage on me, I would not stop the fact that she was a woman from preventing her from wounding me if I had the means to do so. Violence begets violence and I don't think it should be gender-biased. Some women are bigger and stronger than me. <br />
<br />
The original speaker's intent is one of self-recrimination and it is worthy. The bigger issue is - should the tiny majority of men who are beaten by women not respond in kind just on the basis of gender? I welcome your critique. <br />
<br />
Thanks<br />
<br />

I had a abusive boyfriend when I was 14 and I dated him for two years...I guess I finaly reliezed that it wasn't love. I'm glad you learned your lesson though, and you seem like a great guy today :-)

my God was a sanctimonious load of waffle. child hits other child shocker? pathetic.

I read this and I was touched!!! One Of the sweetest stories I have ever her:)

I think that hitting girls is just wrong!! I am a girl myself and I could say I have been hit by guys many times before and yes I did fight back! I won't take crap from anyone, whether your a guy or not I will defend myself. Woman are not weak or scrawny or helPless but when it comes to men hitting us its just not right. Woman should be treated with respect<br />
not treated like a dog or some kid on the street

We all make mistakes, and you have completely owned up to yours in a way most people would be too prideful to do. Good job, and I think you seem like an amazing man, willing to own up to his mistakes. Women hate being called defenseless, but let's face it. Men are physically stronger than women in most cases, and due to this fact they *generally* don't stand much of a chance in a physical battle against a man. Women shouldn't hit men either. Just because it is abusive to the psyche.

Im not a small or timid guy and I would not hit 99.9% of women <br />
But i know violent and nasty women who would gladly put me in hospital if they thought i wouldnt hit back. <br />
So i just judge people indivdually there are some softy guys i would never hit and some women i would

Having seen real domestic violence in my life, I know all too well that it is no laughing matter. However, there is a world of difference between a truly defenseless (and non-aggressive!) woman being stalked, beaten, or otherwise terrorized by some as$hole that she was unfortunate enough to let into her life, and the girl you describe, who sounds like an absolute idiot. Quite frankly, the rule about never hitting a woman, in my book, only applies to women who are not deliberately abusing that very rule. A woman who gets up in someone's face, screaming, cursing, and insulting, sorry ladies, is begging to get the $hit slapped out of her. The only difference between that situation and a guy doing the same thing is that with a guy, you hit with your fist.

Sounds to me like you both had it coming :D

Screw that girl man she sounds like a ***** and deserved getting hit

Great story.<br />
This story made me feel hopeful for other men out there who have made a mistake like this.

Thats great! I'm so happy that experience tought you how fragile girls really are :)

welldone wish all men were like u :(

It's guys like you that give me some hope that your gender is completely stupid. :)

Yeah we all make mistakes. I too believe we shouldnt hit women. the only girl i ever hit was my little sister but he faught like cats and dogs. but i swear sometimes women do things that make us want to knock the hell out of them but as much as they press up to do so we cant. its all good.

Dear brother.<br />
I never have hurt a girl that way, but i realises seeing something like happen <br />
at somewhat the same age. <br />
I wish more boys will realise the same, and too that girls try and understand that we care for you too.

Your lesson was wise and you accepting it was wiser. Though I still think that the girl should've had some more control of herself, naturally of course anyone in anyone's face is going to be challenaged, You however did the right thing in the end by never allowing yourself to hit a female. That girl needs to learn a valuable lesson as well.

Dude. Women can become cops, join the army, run for president, and you think it's wrong to hit them because of their sex organs? That position in and of itself is the most sexist thing I ever hear. Of course you should never hit anyone, especially someone weaker than you. But to say you "can't hit a woman" is degrading to the female sex. I had a similar experience, much younger than you were, where I was attacked, overpowered my aggressor, and was subsequently shunned. "Chivalry" is just the game guys play when they're trying to get laid. Women, if you want men to respect you as equals, you must stand up to them as equals. From your story, InTheNameofLove, it really sounds like she wanted to get hit (I see that ALL the time, as I live in a predominantly black neighborhood--and if you think that's a racist comment spend some time in a black neighborhood). If not, it's sexist ideas like these that make these types of women feel they're immune to physical repercussion. Whether you're an adult attacked by a child, or a grown person attacked by a midget, if your personal space is being violated, you need to defend yourself. If it happened how you said it happened, it sounds to me like she was testing your limits, and she found them, like when a four year old throws a tantrum until they get smacked. Get over your guilt, believing women should never be struck under any circumstances implies that you think of women as being less than men, as defenseless victims in need of guidance and protection. Women, if this is what you want our still male-dominated society to think of you, then keep having men fight your battles.

It's sexist to not hit a woman just because she is a woman. My general rule when trying to find how I should handle a situation is do role reversal. "What would I did if this man/woman was a woman/man?" If I would smack a guy one, I would have to smack a girl one, just to be fair. But, it works both ways. If my girlfriend wants a guy to stay over at our home, I have to ask what I would say if it were a woman. It keeps things fair and balanced. It affords men opportunities as well as women. The fact is, it is no secret that getting into someone's face can get you knocked out. I would have to be saying that women are more stupid than men if I didn't oblige. Also, I have never had to hit a woman in my life and rarely a man. But if either puts themselves into that position, they will learn not to in the future.

Heyy, i suppose its fair[not good, not bad either] when you are about 14 and hit a girl... its not what you did was wrong. But its how you interpret it and move on. <br />
If you had made it a thing to be proud of, then it would be wrong.<br />
But you took it as a lesson, never did so again. So I'd say it was a good deed you did back then :)

Look if a guy attacks a girl its a different story. He should bear the brunt of the law. However if its man to man or girl to girl a compromise can be reached. Words can be more hurtful than punches and im sure that lil **** you knocked back in the days we'll think twice before she opens her rotten mouth again. So well done at that.

It's for the sake of guys like you that girls should let up on guys a little. Whether the woman you encounter are defenseless or not, your respect will pay off and is appreciated.

While I believe that there is never an excuse for physical abuse (or any other type), I also have to agree with cinnamonapple that everyone has the right to defend themselves, regardless of the sex of their attacker.<br />
<br />
My fiance once stopped to speak to a girl who had been in his class at high school, only for her to pull a knife and demand his wallet. Violence goes both ways; it is definitely wrong to assume that the man must be the aggressor.

I love your story. It makes me only because I feel like a "defenseless woman" my brother intimates me a lot (I'm 17 5'4" and 130lbs, he's 5'11" and atleast 250lbs.) He has physically pushed me right infront of my mother and she didn't do anything about it at the time she just walked away. Later she talked ot him about it but the fact that he got angry over something that wasn't offensive and didn't even concern him (he admitted this himself later) I'm so sick of getting pushed around by guys even when I was in public high school a pack of boys pushed me around in the lobby infront of everyone and no one did anything and the school said they didn't get it on camera. And the principal told me I got pushed around because of my looks. (Saying I looked like a nerd).<br />
<br />
Sorry I guess that just refreshed some painful memories for me.

I agree with NeonBlueMidnight's opinion. She was certainly attacking you and she totally deserved it! It was just a smack anyway, not a full on beating! The amount of boys that gave you trouble for it says good things about them. It's a good experience because you learnt from it. It's wonderful that you can admit to it. Thanks for having the confidence to share it with us!

that was a long time ago. you shouldn't feel guilty about that. you were a teenager and you were upset. you didn't mean to either. i'm thirteen and if a boy hit me i would of course feel sad but if there was a reason behind it i could understand.

I know I'm a minority here, but I think you were perfectly within your right to slap her face. But I believe in equality. You bet your *** if you got in a woman's face and started calling her a ***** you'd get a slap for your trouble, and somehow that's ok with everyone. Hell, you can get a smack if she doesn't like your pickup line, and no one will bat an eyelash!<br />
But scars from emotional abuse like being labelled a ****** can be many times more painful, and can last a lifetime, I don't think you should've felt the least bit sorry for standing up for yourself.<br />
As for the moronic self appointed guardians of the status quo that were giving you trouble at school, talk about hypocrisy. That's like saying, violence is okay when you do it in someone else's country, but it's a damn tragedy when someone shoots up their school. It's pretty obvious what country you grew up in, and it makes me sick, the kinds of double standards that you're expected to swallow.<br />
In a nutshell, she was the aggressor. You were defending yourself from a verbal assault. We can say that words are harmless, but tell that to a 14 year old who gets called a ****** at school because he failed to stand up for himself. I'd take a few retards wanting to fight me in the hallways any day than to have to go through school like that. You didn't try to harm her, you were making a very simple statement, and you shouldn't have felt the slightest bit apologetic.